Life's A Beach

The final thread...

2012-02-15T11:06:00.000-08:00

Last night I finally went and got my stuff from Rebel's house.

A part of me was very glad he wasn't home. I'm not sure I was ready to deal with that.

However, another part of me wanted to see him so I could put to rest all of the questions that keep bubbling to the surface.

It went the way it was supposed to go. The final thread has been severed and it is over.

*sigh*

I'm hoping this will be cathartic and that the sadness will start to ebb...

A dainty Daisy...

2012-02-14T11:20:00.000-08:00

Today is Daisy's 12th birthday. And she is still going strong.

When she's not napping...

Man, I love that dog.

The wrong type of love affair...

2012-02-13T08:59:00.000-08:00

Has anyone else seen the show "My Strange Addiction"? That show is seriously messed up. Seriously.

There was one guy they featured who was having an intimate affair... with his car. He would actually crawl under the car and have "sex" with it. I'm not sure how. They didn't go into details (thank goodness).

But really... a car?

Can you imagine how that break-up conversation would go?

Man: I'm sorry, but it's just not working out.

Car: Why? Am I not shiny or fast enough anymore? Why don't you love me?

Man: I don't know. I want something that is pearl white, not forest green. It's time to make a change.

Car: Now what?

Man: Well, I'm selling you...
Car: (dumps all the fluids in the driveway)

I guess there is no accounting for taste...

Moments of weakness...

2012-02-11T07:52:00.000-08:00

I almost gave in to it last night. Somehow I held strong (by curling up in the fetal position and making sure my phone was no where near me).

I wanted to text Rebel last night and tell him I missed him (not that I want to be back with him, just that I miss him). I'm glad I didn't. But I wonder why I am having such a hard time with this particular break-up? I think it has something to do with the fact that I never saw it coming. I am still kicking myself for going on and on about how great our relationship was only to have him turn to me and let me know he wasn't that into it. I dither between utter pissed-offness and stark humiliation.

*sigh*

It's unfortunate that there isn't an "off" button for feelings. That would be very handy right about now...

Random encounters...

2012-02-10T09:47:00.000-08:00

Sometimes you end up somewhere and you just wonder "how the hell did I get here?"

I had one of those last night. HillBill gave me a call around 7pm to see if I wanted to do dinner. We texted back and forth and couldn't figure out where to go, so we just drove downtown and ended up at a dive bar called Corey's.

As with most dive bars, it had its share of local drunks. HillBill and I sat at the end of the bar and just basically minded our own business until Pat showed up and sat down next to me. He was three sheets to the wind and whining loudly about how his girlfriend was down in Mexico cheating on him... he was sure of it.

Friendly (and sometimes not-so-friendly) banter ensued. He bought my dinner and bought a round of drinks. HillBill and I laughed our butts off. It was good to get out of the house.

Thanks Pat. It was an unexpected laugh. And I needed that...

It's always today...

2012-02-08T09:45:00.000-08:00

No matter what day of the week it is. No matter the date on the calendar. No matter what year. It is always today...

And the sun always rises...

Breaking the stalemate...

2012-02-07T09:02:00.000-08:00

What stalemate you ask? The one where you call or text or email the ex first.

I gotta be honest. I don't want it to be me...

Maybe I'm being kinda dumb, but my reasoning goes something like this:

He broke my heart. I didn't break his...

He should be the one to reach out first and see how things are. It's the least he could do after completely trashing my poor heart. Plus, even though I need to go round up some odds and ends from his place, I'm just not ready. Yet. Maybe in a few more days. I do want to be friends, but I shouldn't have to be the one to pursue that friendship. If he wants it, it's up to him to make it happen.

Am I being stubborn? Probably. Do I care? Not really...

And though it's been tempting to reach out, I just have to remember how it felt that night and the feeling passes quickly. I refuse to be like his former ex and act like a spoiled 5-year-old. I'm better than that. Really.

Too bad he just couldn't see it...

A sobering thought...

2012-02-06T10:16:00.000-08:00

My goal the last few days has been to spend as little time alone as possible. In pursuit of that goal, Friday night I went out with Jewel, Hutch, Goldie, HillBill and Bow. They were all commiserating with me about how much it sucks that Rebel and I are no longer together. But they were also trying to make me realize that it's time to wrap up the pity party. To that end, one of them offered this gem of advise:

Nothing lasts forever...

I know they were talking about the shitty way I feel. But think about it. It's true. Nothing does last forever. We are in a constant state of change. Forever moving through this life (whether we want to or not).

Maybe it's a good thing that I'm just kind of over it right now. Because that realization would just be more sadness if I were in a better frame of mind. I used to love to think about finding the one that would love me forever (and I, him). I'm not saying that you can't find something that will last a lifetime (and maybe beyond)... but it's not going to be the same thing throughout your life (or theirs). It will change. But like my sister says... you either grow together or you grow apart. Either way though, you're growing.

It's just the way it is...

OK... enough of that. I can't deal with any more depressing thoughts today. Instead I will talk about my weekend.

On Friday night, I got together with the girls. That was great. On Saturday, I spent the morning with Bow and Jewel getting hay. I went and got the first load. We dropped part of it off at Jewel's new place. And then Bow and I went and dropped the rest of the first load at my house. I then went to pick up the second load. It ended up staying on the truck and because it was such a nice day, PT came over and we took the horses out for a ride. Both Jag and Flash had a blast. Jag is really starting to get a crush on Flash... it's kinda cute.

After a good ride, I went to PT's to sample some Scotch. It's amazing how much different they all are depending on where they were made, how long they aged, what type of barrel or cask they were in. After that, it was off to the sushi place to eat a rude amount of rolls.

On Sunday morning, I unloaded the last of the hay (by myself... *sigh*) and then it was off to play the Fazio course with PT. We were both amazed at what an amazing course it was. On the 8th hole there is even this very cool lava tube that goes back about a 1/2 of a mile. It was crazy...

The lava tube...

Too bad we didn't have a flashlight. It would have been fun to explore...

Checking it out...

PT on the green above the lava tube...

We had a great time. And I actually played really well, too. Which is amazing because I think I played once last year and this is the first time I've been out this year. I can't hit the ball very far, but I do hit it straight...

Getting a good hit off the tee...

A sample of what the course was like. Yes, that is a giant sand trap...

We got off the course at about halftime for the Super Bowl. We decided to hang out at the bar and finish out the game. And it was a good game. I'm glad I didn't blow it off completely...

So, even though I'm still struggling I'm glad I was so busy. I have good friends.

Also, I have a little bonus treat for you. As promised, some pictures from our show last weekend. I think for the most part we don't look too bad. And we both had fun...

Flash and I lining up...

Hutch and Anna following Flash and I...

Hutch and Anna...

For some reason Flash looks really downhill here...

Flash and Anna being good little ponies...

Pity party for one...

2012-02-03T10:12:00.000-08:00

I have been informed by numerous sources that my pity party for one is rapidly reaching it's expiration date.

It's too bad, really. I prefer to wallow in self-depreciation and depression for a while before picking myself up and moving on. And as Flip Flop and El Dub are on vacation I haven't even had the opportunity to cry to my mommy yet.

*sigh*

I think the tears are about done. Well, I hope they are anyway. I'm tired of looking puffy.

And even though sleep hasn't been easy, it has been had in fits and starts (just ignore the drool on the keyboard). And food has been consumed, even though I didn't really feel like it. Bff insisted. I guess she doesn't want me to get in the habit of not eating again...

But it's definitely going to be a while before I consider dating again. This one hurt. Bad. More than the bruise on my shin from my metal stirrup banging into it. And you know how painful shin bruises are...

Plus, I have a full schedule coming up. I really want to have a successful endurance season and I know Flash is excited to get back into it as well (I know because when I let him choose the pace and distance of our rides he totally goes for it). There is a mini-vaca to the ocean this month. Vegas in a few months. BooBoo's wedding. Many races. And some exotic (read that "warm") destination for my 40th. Who knows, maybe for my 40th I'll have a "How Stella Got Her Groove Back" kind of vacation. Anything is possible...

So, time to focus on what is. Not what could have been.

Not easy. But the party is almost over...

I wonder...

2012-02-01T15:45:00.000-08:00

Being the over-thinker that I am, I'm wondering a lot of things right now. But the one that I keep coming back to is this:

I wonder if I got my one chance at happiness and couldn't close the deal.

My faith in love, and in being able to find it again, is shaken. To the core, possibly...

Bff and I were having what is now the most ironic conversation the other day. I was telling her how incredibly lucky I was to have finally found what I was looking for in love. She was expressing to me how great it was that I kept putting myself out there and that finding him was the reward. She knew how happy I was, too...

But maybe the truth is that it is too late. Perhaps I should have tried harder to make things with the Ex-hub work (although it's really hard when you're the only one trying). I just don't know.

I know there are some of you out there reading this that are probably astounded at the rate I seem to go through partners. Maybe I deserve some of what I'm getting. I don't know.

I really just feel kinda hopeless at this point. And defeated. Very defeated...

Blindsided...

2012-02-01T05:29:00.000-08:00

"I'm just not falling for you".

Six words. My whole world changed.

24 hours ago I thought I had it all. Turns out it was a fantasy. Rebel let me know that he was happy being with me and that we had fun together and that we had chemistry... but that it wasn't enough. He just wasn't falling for me.

I didn't know what to say. I still don't.

Even now, as I sit here, the question that keeps popping to mind is "why?". Why wasn't it good enough? Why didn't I see it coming? Why now? Why? Why? Why?

If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said that we had a long future together. What did I miss? I just don't get it. I really don't. Sure, he hadn't said he loved me yet, but to me the actions said "I really care a lot" and this early on that was fine by me.

I was really, really happy.

And now I am not.

I am hurt. And raw. And tired. And really doubting myself.

And that is a shitty place to be...

The winner's circle...

2012-01-31T10:35:00.000-08:00

On Saturday, Hutch and I decided to go to the local "Fat & Fuzzy" horse show. By the way, the "Fat & Fuzzy" refers to the horses... not us. Just thought I should clarify.

We signed up for 9 classes and made a day of it. In the morning was English classes. I borrowed a close contact saddle and bridle from Hutch and Flash looked very dashing. And considering I hadn't been in a proper English saddle in about 6 years I didn't do too badly. We took a couple 3rds, a 4th, and a 6th.

Later in the day, we switched to Western and Flash and I did much better. We actually took a first in a Western Equitation class. I was totally blown away because there were some quality horse and riders in that class and showing is not our forte...

We had a good time though. I'm hoping that Hutch's hub got some photos I can share with you. I'll keep pestering her for them...

Too many rules?

2012-01-27T14:15:00.000-08:00

As you all know, I am an over-thinker. Well, actually that might be an understatement. As Bff puts it, I'm the champion of over-thinking and blow all others out of the water. She might be right.

Anywho...

I'm wondering if we advancing daters are putting too many constraints on the natural progression of things? This includes myself. After all, I held Rebel at arm's length because I didn't want to be just another notch on the bedpost... and to me it takes time to make sure it's not just about sex (or not only about sex). Seemed reasonable at the time. But then it turns out I could have had something amazing much sooner. But then again, maybe things wouldn't have been as good if I had just rushed head-long into it.

See? Over-thinking again. I can't help it...

*sigh*

I have some friends that are wrestling with this problem, as well. Too much thinking, not enough doing. Or so it seems to the outside observer anyway...

Wildflower is starting to see someone new. The Detective has promise (although he might be hung up on the ex a little). But one of her rules is that he must pursue. Luckily for him, he figured this little jewel out before it was too late. But, might she have missed out on something good because he didn't conform to one of the rules? Or would it not have worked because he didn't meet that important criteria?

You see where I'm going with this?

Another friend refuses to do internet dating, preferring instead to rely on a more "organic" means of meeting men. I'm pretty sure she's been without a date for over 2 years. So it's not working very well, from what I can see. So at what point should she abandon that rule and give something new a try?

And then there is another friend of mine who was pursuing something that seemed to be headed in the right direction until the other person slammed on the brakes and demanded that there be limits to their interactions. Seemed a little harsh to me and it's very frustrating to him. After all, how is he supposed to cultivate more than a friendship if it's not allowed to grow beyond that? It seems that the other person might miss out on a good thing because it's not allowed to progress in the natural way. Or will it be more meaningful later on because it was cultivated slower?

A perplexing puzzle, no? Yes.

It's gonna be a busy year...

2012-01-26T09:38:00.000-08:00

Already the calendar is starting to fill up. And this is not including all the little mini road trips that Rebel and I keep wandering out on.

So far on the docket:

March 3 & 4 - Weekend getaway (to destinations unknown... just in case Rebel reads this) for Rebel's birthday.

April 21 - First endurance ride of the year in Madras.

May 12 - Endurance ride in Prineville.

May 18 to 20 - Trip to Vegas with Bff to celebrate BooBoo's bachelorette party. Can't wait!!

June 16 - Endurance ride in Sunriver (and Brother #1's birthday).

July 14 - Endurance ride at Bandit Springs in the Ochoco's... my favorite ride.

July 28 to August 4 - Tahoe and BooBoo's Wedding.

August 25 - Endurance ride at Pacific Crest (this is the one ride I'm traveling for).

September 15 - Endurance ride in Brothers (maybe the last ride, weather depending).

September 27 to October 3 - HAWAII (very exciting) and celebrating my 40th (not as exciting).

October 13 or 20 - There are a couple of rides scheduled for these weekends. We'll see how Flash is feeling and how the weather is.

It's going to be a busy year. But it also should be a lot of fun.

Can't wait!!

Some people are just crazy...

2012-01-25T09:18:00.000-08:00

Even if it is for a good cause.

Clown got brave and did the plunge. Better him than me. I'm not sure I would have made it back out of the water again.

Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr...

Rising skirt hems, declining economy. Coincidence?

2012-01-23T12:48:00.000-08:00

I think not.

Think about it.

Hemlines went from ankles to calves in the late 20's. The market collapsed and led into the Depression.

In the 40's it went from calves to just below the knees. World War II ensued.

In the 60's it went from just below the knees to above the knee. Vietnam War and serious civil unrest followed.

In the 80's it was a double-dose of bad. Skirts went to mid-thigh and were neon. That led to another market collapse and recession.

Friday night, Rebel and I were at Panda Express and in walked a preteen with a skirt that was barely covering her ass. Seriously. That thing was short.

Brace yourselves. According to the skirts, complete annihilation of the world as we know it is only moments away...

A little (OK, big) rant...

2012-01-20T11:40:00.000-08:00

There are a few things I find annoying. Well, actually I find many things annoying. But I'm only going to blog about a few things I find annoying today.

You're welcome.

Today is about animal abuse. I loathe animal abuse. Loathe. It.

You all remember Michael Vik right? Total asshat quarterback who was seriously busted for having dogs that were involved in dog fighting on his property. The NFL threw him out. He went to jail. It was great.

And then it wasn't so great. People forgot about what an asshat he was. He got out of jail. He got his job back in the NFL. Basically it was like the animal abuse never happened. It sucked. Royally.

However, mostly I don't give Michael Vik much thought. That is until he goes on the Jim Rome show and whines about how unfair it is that his kids can't own a dog and what a lover of animals he is. I almost punched the goddamn radio it pissed me off so bad.

Seriously. Who does the douchenozzle think he is? A lover of animals? Fucktard. I hate him. And now I will never listen to Jim Rome again either.

OK... rant #1 done.

So... now I'm going to cover another thing that really ticks me off: the horse show world. And I'm including all of it except at the most local levels (and even then I've seen some major asshattery go down).

It seems that as soon as you add the element of money inevitably greed follows. And the horses lose. No breed is exempt. It's all bad all the way around...

TB's - I hate horse racing. It starts horses way too young and demands things that those immature horses are unable to provide. They should make the Kentucky Derby for 5 year olds and no horse should be allowed to race before it's actual 3rd birthday.

Who really wants to see this?

QH's - So much wrong with this poor breed I hardly know where to start. But let's start with HYPP. A genetic disorder that you can test for and if everyone in the breed elected to not breed an N/H or H/H horse the disease could be wiped out in no time at all. Also, breeding ridiculously muscled horses that have tiny feet and no useful purpose in the real riding world is just stupid. There's more, but I'll stop there...

Feet? What feet?

Arab's - It used to be that a slightly dished nose was enough for any arab breeder. Now most of the "popular" stallions have what looks like a ski ramp for a nose. It's crazy. I hate it. Also, Arab halter horses are made to look nuts in the show ring by zapping them with a cattle prod before they go in the ring. Disgusting. And it makes the rest of the breed look like they are all nuts. However, most Arabs are quiet and love human companionship. That certainly doesn't translate when they're getting cattle prods shoved up their butt.

Skiing anyone?

OK. I could go on and on, but I'm done with that... for now.

I just wish people would leave the greed out of everything and let the enjoyment of horses (or any animal, for that matter) be enough. The world would definitely be a better place...

Role reversal...

2012-01-19T09:41:00.000-08:00

Don't get me wrong. Rebel is a guy's guy. He fixes stuff, works on engines, has rough hands and chest hair... he's a man.

But there are situations when I wonder just who is wearing the pants in the family.

For instance: I like football and try to watch it when I can. Rebel, on the other hand, doesn't even know the name of an NFL team. How is that even possible? When a commercial featuring LaBraun James came on the other day he didn't have a clue as to who that was.

When I moved here in August, my dad gave me $300 to buy some new clothes for my job. I have held onto that money because I am losing weight and don't want to waste it if what I buy won't fit in 2 months. Rebel mentioned to me the other day that I really need to do some clothes shopping and threatened to drag me to the stores if I didn't upgrade some portions of my wardrobe soon.

What man, in his right mind, wants to go shopping? It's hardwired into my DNA (because I am a girl, after all) and I want nothing to do with it. Shopping for horse stuff? Hell yes. For myself? Meh... I've got better things to do and spend my money on.

I guess we really are the perfect couple...

The dreaded "L" word...

2012-01-18T10:37:00.000-08:00

Yup, that's right. I'm blogging about the "L" word.

Well, technically it's 2 words.

So, I guess I'm really blogging about the "LT" words. But that doesn't sound as catchy...

For a lot of people, Living Together is a big deal. When I was younger I kind of got this. After all, it felt like a big deal. But as I get older I have found that my opinion on the subject has changed drastically. For better or for worse, I'm not sure. I suppose it depends on which side of the family you ask...

Anyway, Jewel and Mr. Mustache have been dating for a few months. All is going really well. Both have the desire to reduce their bills. So, they have decided to move in together...

Jewel has said she's getting some flack for this. But I really don't see the issue (sorry Flip Flop, but I don't). If it works, great. If it doesn't, then you kick the bum out and find another place.

The only thing I asked her is if there was a lease. There wasn't. So, in my book all is well.

No harm, no foul...

Why are people so up in arms over this subject? I mean, I can see issues if you rush to join your bank accounts or start a family. But this is just a place to live. You can always find another one of those. Really.

Sure it may not be as nice, but that's not the point...

So, I'm giving Jewel and Mr. Mustache my blessing. Can't wait for the housewarming party :)

"The Legend" celebrates another year...

2012-01-17T10:26:00.000-08:00

That's right. It's El Dubs birthday today...

We've had to downgrade him from the Harley.

We were afraid at his age he would hurt himself...

Happy Birthday dad!!

Horses and quads and snow... oh my!!

2012-01-16T11:10:00.000-08:00

Again, let me just say that the weekends aren't nearly long enough. Especially when you pack as much into it as we do.

On Saturday, Rebel and I gave the quad/horse ride thing a go. It was fun. A lot of fun, actually. We tried out some new trails and Rebel was able to off-road and bush-whack just fine. Except for one crazy lady it was a really good ride (I'll get to the crazy lady in a sec).

Mom, there's something following me...

Rebel keeping pace...

Pit stop to check out the view...

Trying to get all the pups in the picture...

A nice view...

OK... about the crazy lady.

After Rebel and I stopped to take a break, we decided to range out a little father West than I've been as of yet. We came across a couple of nice trails and then ended up crossing a gravel road. Rebel took off to see where the gravel road went and I continued on down the old 2-track road we had been following. A ways down the road, the trail split and went a couple of different ways. Also there were some old bridge turrets (although the bridge was gone). I decided to stop there and wait and check out the cement turrets up close (the canal the bridge used to cross was dry). After about 5 minutes I heard Rebel coming down the road. At about the same time I heard what can only be described as "screeching" coming from the trail on my right.

Rebel pulled up and turned off his quad so we could chat. A second later this psycho lady ran up to Rebel and started getting in his face about riding in a non-motorized area (she was wrong). Rebel kept his cool and basically told her she was nuts and that he was on a road and was perfectly legal. She screeched at him that he was not on a road and that he was violating... well, I'm not sure what she thought he was violating. Something about ruining the desert. Anyway, at that time Rebel pointed out to her that I was standing next to the turrets of the bridge that this road used to go to. She then changed her story and said the road was from 1906 (not sure where she pulled that number from, but OK). Rebel then again pointed out to her that due to the materials and construction that the turrets weren't more than 15-20 years old. You'd think at that point she would shut up and go away, but no such luck. Instead she took Rebel's photo and threatened to turn him in. At this point I was laughing so hard that I could barely breath. Wisely she didn't address me. I've been told I have the "don't fuck with me" vibe and she wisely obeyed it.

But the funny part was she took a picture of him. Not the quad. Not the license plate on the quad. It was hilarious. She was an idiot. No doubt about it...

After that little run-in we finished our ride with no issues. We went 8 miles in just under 2 hours, which wasn't bad considering our 15 minute run-in with psycho-bitch and we also stopped about 5 miles in for about a 1/2 hour. It was a good start to getting on a training schedule.

Later that night, we left the pups behind and hopped on the quad and rode up to Cline Butte. We got a gorgeous view of the sunset and of the surrounding low-lands, but it was damn breezy up there...

Looking to the ESE and Powell Butte...

Rebel looking a little cold...

On Sunday, we loaded up the quad and the pups and decided to try to find some snow. We decided to head to the East and go up to the Ochocos National Forest.

We stopped by Steins Pillar, but there was no snow there...

So we went farther East and farther up the mountains and we finally found snow. After riding on the quad for a while, we also found a frozen lake.

Can't remember what lake this is, but it was beautiful...

Rebel forgot to bring his butane torch to start the fire, so he decided to use the heat of the quad engine instead.

No luck lighting some brush...

The kleenex was more successful...

Success!!

We all warmed ourselves by the fire...

Too bad we forgot the wieners and marshmallows.

Although we did have one Marshmallow with us. She just preferred that we didn't roast her...

Next time we need to remember the roasting stuff. Other than that, it was a perfect weekend...

Sexy and I know it...

2012-01-13T11:13:00.000-08:00

I've never seen so many disturbing speedos in my life!!

Be afraid. Be very afraid...

Who wants to be girly, anyway?

2012-01-12T15:48:00.000-08:00

Girly, I am not.

I've never viewed it as a fault, but maybe I need to rethink that.

I mentioned to Rebel last night that I had a skirt. "Just one?" he asked. Like you're supposed to have more than that? And then I thought about all of my girlfriend's closets. I'm pretty sure they all have more than one.

*sigh*

Is it such a bad thing that I don't like dresses or skirts? I mean what's the point? Due to massive ankle damage I can't wear high heels. So is there any point to wearing dresses? Really? After all, they are just not as sexy when you can't wear the shoes to go with, right?

I don't wear any make-up either. Another not-very-girly thing to do (although I personally think it's the reason I look pretty good at almost-40).

What can I say. I was basically raised like a boy. Being the eldest child in our little hoard of six, I think my dad was expecting... well, not a girl. He didn't know what to do with me. Then when the following 3 behind me turned out to be boys I think I was just doomed.

I do have a sister (who is a little more girly than I am, kinda) but she came along when I was 10 years old and by then it was too late. I hated pink and liked to play in the mud with trucks.

I tried to broach the idea of getting more girly by asking Rebel what we were doing for Valentine's Day. Like a typical male, he has given it no actual thought. How am I supposed to get gussied up if I have nothing to get gussied up for?

Hmmmm...

Unexpected joy...

2012-01-10T11:38:00.000-08:00

There are those times when something just completely takes you by surprise and brings you joy. This morning was one of those mornings...

I was telling Rebel about my dilemma about soccer. They have raised the prices quite a bit to play so I was going back and forth about whether or not to sign up for another session. He asked me about endurance racing and when my first race was (which is March) and what a typical training week looked like. So I was explaining about how much I ride in a week and how I space out the training rides, etc.

And then he surprised me by suggesting that we could ride together... him on the quad and me on Flash (which Flash has no problems with). I thought it was a great idea. And one I never would have thought of. The thought of him being out there with me while I train really brought me joy... and he had lots of suggestions for places we could go and ride. I know he doesn't care much for riding horses but he does like to ride quads and this would be a good way to bridge the gap. I love it...

You know, it's true what they say.

It really is the little things in life that make it such a joy...

Full moon...

2012-01-09T10:35:00.000-08:00

It was a short weekend.

Well, are they ever really long enough? Really?

This one just seemed shorter than normal. Probably because I didn't have 3 or 4 days off like the past few weekends. Oh well. Rebel and I did our best to make the most of it...

On Saturday, we got up late. It was nice. The horses weren't as thrilled because breakfast was late. But I enjoyed sleeping in immensely. After waffles at around noon, I headed out on the trail with PT to check out a new trail down to the river. We had a bit of success...

No river yet...

Still no river in sight...

Wait. I think I see it. Waaaay down there...

PT and Jag. Jag had his "snack" with him most of the ride...

Later that night (after a very nummy steak dinner) Rebel and I went out to check out the sunset. It was beautiful.

Almost as good as the beach...

On Sunday, Rebel and I grabbed the pups and hopped in the car and decided to take a little drive to the North. About 2 hours...

On the way to Mt. Hood we saw a dense layer of fog over the river around Warm Springs...

We stopped for a pup potty break and were treated to a beautiful view of Mt. Hood...

Once we got to Government Camp on Mt. Hood, we stopped for Breakfast/Lunch at the Huckleberry Inn. It was delicious. And rather than head back home we decided to continue North and see what we could see. And we saw a lot...

Hey mom, there's a giant river here...

We stopped at the Bonneville Dam on the Columbia River. It was pretty cool... but unfortunately the fish ladders were drained so I didn't get to see any migrating fish. Oh well... next time. We did have some fun playing near the river...

There were all kinds of rusty things to discover...

And nice views to be seen. The river was very calm...

We even spied other states. This one happened to be Washington...

That's a big sign...

And a big rock...

And the big sign, again...

Then it was time to head father west down the gorge, where we came across quite a few waterfalls.

Horsetail Falls...

The top of Horsetail Falls...

Then we were treated to an unexpected surprise...

It was a gorgeous full moon rising over the river...

And an incredible sunset to the west...

The lighting made for some pretty interesting optical illusions...

Where does the pavement really end?

After all that, we had dinner at Calamity Jane's (really good burgers) and then headed home. It was a great day with some pretty amazing sights.

I think the lava caves are on the docket for next weekend. Can't wait...

Resolutions...

2012-01-06T12:42:00.000-08:00

I hate this time of year. It's the time when everyone gets all motivated to make drastic changes and try to become something they are not. Or something like that, anyway...

So, in the spirit of the new year I will do the same. Only I'm shooting for goals I think I can actually reach. I think.

1. Finish The Layman's Guide to the Apocalypse. It's almost done. I had started it as a blog, but then decided I wanted it to be a book instead. Considering the mass hysteria that will probably ensue around December 21st I'm thinking this is the year to get that book off the ground.

2. Lose some more weight. Yeah, yeah. I know. It's on everyone's list. Notice I said nothing about the gym. That's because I have no intention of setting foot in one. Rebel likes to get out and hike. I'll get out and hike with him. Good 'nough...

3. Endurance race. Flash is in the best health he's been in for a long time. Time to capitalize on what he's good at. First race is in March. Time to get us both in racing shape.

4. Go to Hawaii. I'm turning 40 later this year. I want to be in Hawaii with Rebel when that happens. So, time to figure out how to make that happen.

Well, that's good enough. Any list that ends with me going to Hawaii is a complete list in my book. Good luck with your resolutions, I'm already googling condos in Hawaii...

When to say "when"...

2012-01-05T11:44:00.000-08:00

I thought Wildflower had it made. She had finally found a good guy who treated her like the queen she is...

Until he didn't treat her like the queen she is. Then it all went badly...

And did not end smoothly (but when does it ever, really?). There was a lot of back and forth between them. And the question was posed... when is it time to just cut your loses vs. forgiving the person and giving it another go?

That, my friends, is a tough question. And one I had to really ask myself when RR and I were having difficulties. In the end I decided that the troubles we were having outweighed the good times and I felt it was time to move on. And I'm glad I did because now I am blessed to have a really great man in my life (although I'm not saying that RR wasn't a good man... we just brought out the bad in each other, unfortunately).

If Wildflower and Claw had been having smooth sailing and really good times up until the falling-out I would have told her to buck up and give it another go. But, in actuality they were having some pretty major issues. It kind of reminded me of my marriage. Sex was good at first and then dropped to nothing... and they had only been together a few months. With the departure of sex went the intimacy in the relationship as well. Again, not a good thing so early on.

With those types of troubles so early on it seemed to me it was time to call it.

But now she is back to square one and is upset about having to start over. And I get that... I do. It's not easy. Ever. But in my opinion (and Rebel's) it's for the best. Claw was never going to live up to what he billed himself to be. It's time for her to find someone who actually is that person for real... not in just their imagination.

2011 was good to me. I expect the same from 2012...

2012-01-03T12:04:00.000-08:00

Sure there were some ups and some downs. But there were more ups than downs in 2011...

And to ring out the old year and ring in the new, Rebel and I headed to his hometown of Crescent City, CA. We left on Friday under somewhat stormy skies and were immediately greeted on the road by this...

Starting to snow...

Snowing a little bit harder...

It's really coming down now...

But it made everything look so beautiful...

And then it was clear skies on the other side of the pass...

We had packed for the long weekend by bringing every waterproof layer we owned. It turned out we didn't need it. It was gorgeous weather the whole time we were there.

On Saturday we went down to the harbor to check out the sights and the ocean...

The Sea Lions were happy to see us...

We remember the ocean...

Rebel and his mom climbing up the rock...

Rebel Sr. checking out the view from the top...

It's a long way down...

Rebel and his dad...

The girls posing on the top...

This is great, mom...

Me and the pups...

The whole fam (minus the equine)...

After that, it was off to see the giant Redwoods. They were amazing to see...

Those trees are HUGE...

Mom, we don't like it here...

It's dark and scary...

And this tree above us is huge...

Rebel and Noelle had fun climbing on the trees...

Look, mom. I'm high up...

Yeah, I'm not going up there...

Can you see me now, mom?

What's wrong with my foot?

Never mind. It's fine...

That's a long way up there...

Trying to get a good photo...

Getting pictures of Noelle on her perch...

Standing in front of the biggest tree I've ever seen...

There's a hole in this one...

There's still a hole in this one...

After that beautiful hike in the forest, we were off to the beach...

I'm on the bbbbbeeeeeeaaaaaaaacccccccchhhhhhhh...

Getting up the dune is a lot of work...

That's why I'm not going up there...

Pet me, damn it...

Fine. I'm outta here...

And then we took a drive through Deliverance. Can you here the banjos? I can...

After all that, we were too tired to stay up until midnight. Although the thoughtful neighbors next door made sure we didn't miss it by firing off guns and something that sounded like a canon. There was a small smooch right around midnight :)

The next day we took a drive up the river...

And then we drove up to Brookings for some good pizza. Our day finished with a beautiful sunset over the ocean. It reminded me of Lincoln City...

It was a great mini-vacation and a perfect way to kick of 2012. Here's to a great new year...

I don't share well...

2011-12-28T15:48:00.000-08:00

I was watching a 20/20 program about a polygamist family. It wasn't the Warren Jeffs version. This guy had dated the first 2 wives together and had married them both on the same day. They knew what they were getting into and signed on for it, together. They were all consenting adults and no one was being forced into what essentially amounts to child abuse.

So far, I was kinda on board...

Except when they talked about the honeymoon night. Someone had to be first and you could see the pain in the eyes of the woman (even 20-something years later) who wasn't chosen to be first. It was sad. Very. Sad.

And then, after 20-something years of marriage the identical twin of one of the wives came to visit. And hubby decided he needed to add to his harem.

OK, so now I was totally not on board...

The 2 original wives were suddenly superceded by the shiny new wife. You could see the jealousy in all 3 women. The new wife because she wasn't an original. The originals because they weren't new. It was painful to watch. They tried to laugh it off and say it didn't bother them, but anyone with eyeballs could see what a difficult situation it was.

And it made me seethe with jealousy for them. He didn't have to share. Why should they?

I just can't imagine being in that position. It's hard enough just dealing with the various ex's of the people I date... but a wife? Right there? With a say in the matter? Oh hell no!

I guess it's a good thing that monogamy is my thing. Relationships are hard enough without the added stress of an extra wife or girlfriend roaming around...

It was a wild Christmas...

2011-12-27T10:35:00.000-08:00

And there definitely was an animal theme going on in the present department...

BooBoo got hoody footies...

If you don't know what "hoodie footies" are, consider yourself lucky. This set even had a detachable tail...

I got a cute animal hat...

All the pups got bones...

The kids just got spoiled...

And my dogs got a bath (thanks to Rebel, who now has a clogged drain in his shower). But they are sparkly-clean and smell like Pert.

On the drive home from the Parentals, I ran into some weird weather.

It was pitch black to the East and sunny to the West...

And then I ran into some snow at the top of the pass. And a wreck...

But I made it home safe and sound and was able to enjoy the Christmas evening with Rebel and my shiny-clean Pert-smelling dogs. It was a good night...

Yesterday, Rebel and I decided to take a drive to the Metolius River and hike around...

What's that behind me? Is it gonna eat me?

Trying to get everyone to look the same direction seems to be a challenge for us...

Squirrel!!

Attempt #1 to get everyone looking the same direction...

Attempt #2

Attempt #3 (success!! kinda...)

And then we got to the mighty headwaters of the Metolius River...

Call me pessimistic, but I was kinda expecting more...

But we still had a good time and wore ourselves out. It was a great 3-day weekend but I just wasn't ready for it to be over already. I could have happily stayed in bed for another few days.

Oh well...

Back to work I go.

A few of my favorite things...

2011-12-23T11:52:00.000-08:00

A very cute and *very* handy boyfriend...

Amazing fur kids...

Horses that want to go for a ride...

110lb dogs that think they are lap dogs...

Beautiful places to hike and play...

Beautiful sunrises on the farm...

Best friends...

I am very blessed. Have a Merry Christmas!!

Coal in my stocking...

2011-12-22T09:27:00.000-08:00

I got busted yesterday and have landed myself on the "naughty" side of the list.

When I was married to Ex-hub there was one year that we were saving money to go to Hawaii to see on of my brothers married. We had saved somewhere around $2,000 when it happened... I got a call from Ex-hub saying that the car had broken down. We had it towed into a shop and were told that the engine had seized up because my dear, dear Ex-hub had forgotten to put oil in it.

I was so pissed. We fixed the car and didn't go to Hawaii. I could have killed him...

Well, yesterday Rebel had my car so he could put the brakes on it. When I called to ask him how it was going he berated me for my car being 2 1/2 quarts low in oil.

*oh shit*

Yes, that's right. I was an irresponsible twit... just like my Ex-hub had been.

That is so not like me. Typically I'm johnny-on-the-spot with stuff like this. I can't believe I let my VW get so low...

*hangs head in shame*

I'm getting it an oil change tomorrow. That should make it happier...

Once a cheater?

2011-12-21T09:44:00.000-08:00

I think I've covered this topic before... but it struck my mind again yesterday, so I'm going with it.

I think if you've been reading this blog for any period of time then you'll know my stand on cheating. Absolutely not tolerated. Period.

However, I do have a confession to make. When I was with the Biologist he cheated on me. And I knew he had cheated on me. I read it from his own hand (yes, I was snooping). And still I was able to dismiss what I knew and try to believe him even though I knew the actual truth. It was bad. It made all of our dealings after that point contentious and not very much fun. Plus I was a paranoid wreck...

I will never do that again. But over the last few years I've tried to figure out why I ignored what I knew to be true and stick it out with the Biologist anyway.

The best answer I have is this: I wasn't quite ready to be alone.

I am human. What can I say...

Rebel's ex-wife cheated on him pretty early on in their marriage. He ended up sticking it out another 14 years only to find out she had been cheating on him the final 2 years of their marriage as well. I always wonder if the person she cheated with (and is still seeing, if I remember correctly) is paranoid that she'll turn around and cheat on him too. It just seems that if you had no regard for one relationship that you'll probably not suddenly change and have respect for the next one. But I could be wrong, I suppose.

All I know is that cheating is such a huge breach of trust and respect that I don't think you can get that back once it is gone.

At least, that's how I feel...

What's 300 miles between FWB?

2011-12-20T11:09:00.000-08:00

Man... I have no idea how I go so lucky. Not only does Rebel only live a few miles from me, but he cleans my house when I'm out riding too. I'm thinking I'm hanging onto this one for a while.

But, what about those poor unfortunate souls who are not blessed with close proximity like Rebel and I are? How do you make a long distance relationship work? Or is it even possible?

I guess if all you want is a FWB kinda deal, then a long distance relationship is the perfect solution.

But... if you really want a committed relationship I'm just not sure how it can actually work. I mean, every time you see the person it's kinda new all over again. So it's really hard to gauge if you actually get along in the day-to-day area of things or not.

I guess it just seems that if you are that far apart, that things really never go anywhere and that you never get the opportunity to grow the relationship and move forward together.

Am I wrong on this one?

To buy or not to buy...

2011-12-19T10:09:00.000-08:00

I have a dilemma. And I'm not quite sure what to do about it...

When Rebel and I first talked about Christmas we kinda decided not to do gifts. But I just don't think that I can stick to my guns on this one. I love Christmas... and I love to buy gifts for those I care about.

Rebel is much less of a Christmas lover (although he did indulge me this weekend and we drove around and looked at pretty Christmas lights).

So, what to do? To buy? Or not to buy? That is the question...

Now you're speaking my language...

2011-12-16T09:51:00.000-08:00

If you haven't heard, apparently there are 5 languages of love.

Words of Affirmation
Actions don’t always speak louder than words. If this is your love language, unsolicited compliments mean the world to you. Hearing the words, “I love you,” are important—hearing the reasons behind that love sends your spirits skyward. Insults can leave you shattered and are not easily forgotten.
Quality Time
In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.
Receiving Gifts
Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.
Acts of Service
Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.
Physical Touch
This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

Personally, they all sound pretty good to me. Do I really have to pick just one?

I mean, who doesn't love to receive gifts while be told "I love you" as the object of your affection does the dishes while attuned to your every word and stroking your face lovingly. Seems like a good thing to me.

I think I'll stick with all 5... thank you very much.

My own thing...

2011-12-15T11:32:00.000-08:00

Wildflower and I were having a discussion the other day about our Significant Others. Wildflower thinks it's a deal-breaker if her SO doesn't share in her foremost passion, horses. For me, it's a little more flexible...

While it would be nice to share that part of my life, it's not a necessity. Ex-hub didn't share it and that was OK with me. I liked the idea of being to go out and do something that is just uniquely mine. The problem with Ex-hub is that he resented the time I spent with my horses and didn't want to be a part of anything I was doing with them.

I don't think Rebel is like this. He helps me feed, stack the hay and take care of stuff around the farm. He just isn't that into riding and I'm totally OK with that... I think when it comes time to start to go to some endurance races that Rebel will be open to going with me. Ex-hub never really was.

The other bad part of my marriage was that the things that Ex-hub and I enjoyed together he stopped doing. That was very frustrating!! Again, I really don't see that happening with Rebel. He doesn't do stuff he doesn't want to do in the first place. He's a total what-you-see-is-what-you-get kinda guy. And I love that aspect of him.

So, for now, horses remain my own thing. And I'm totally fine with that...

Winter fluff...

2011-12-14T10:39:00.000-08:00

Jewel mentioned to me the other day that she was starting to get concerned about Storm and the amount of extra "padding" she's carrying around this winter. So I decided to take stock of my stock and see where we are at.

Storm is positively padded. She needs to go on a diet STAT. I've decided to cut her back to a flake in the morning and a flake at night.

I'm not fat. I'm big-boned...

Flash is looking positively plump. Even for him. Typically he is a svelt equine. Not so much right now. But after the last few years of inexplicable weight loss, I'll take it.

More food, less talk...

Noelle has lost her girly figure. Totally. She is, once again, a marshmallow.

Marshmallows are nomz...

Daisy has even started to look a portly. I guess I need to cut her kibble back too.

Cut my kibble? That's depressing...

The only animal that I have that isn't overweight is possibly Goodwin. But even he's starting to really pack on the pounds.

I look gooooooood....

And they aren't the only ones. Rebel and I probably need to think about cutting down the calories, as well. But that's a whole other blog...

Better times have been had...

2011-12-12T10:10:00.000-08:00

Talk about a crappy weekend.

Well... I guess it wasn't all bad. True, I felt like death warmed over for most of the weekend. But I also spent the whole weekend with Rebel and didn't want to kill him (or him, me) by the end of it.

That's progress, my friends.

The new English...

2011-12-07T13:43:00.001-08:00

If you hang around my friends and family long enough, you will start to learn that there is a whole other English language that you were unaware of. Pretty soon you start using these terms around "normal" people and they look at you like you have sprouted another head...

Let me give you some examples...

Goombah: It's like goodbye, but better.

Assholic: Not quite as bad as an asshole... he (or she, I suppose) just has assholish tendencies.

Nose snoggle: A giant booger in your nose... usually peaking out the end.

Scritchity: Like scratchy, but much worse.

Well, you get the idea...

Crater Lake & the random waterfall..

2011-12-05T07:59:00.001-08:00

It was a fun weekend. But first it was an amazing sunset on Friday night...

Can you believe I get to work here?

On Saturday, Rebel needed to make a trip down to K-falls to install a starter on his sister's truck. The pups and I decided to tag along... and take a detour. To Crater Lake. By random back roads. With giant snow ruts...

But once we actually got there, it was beautiful :)

Wait... I wasn't ready.

A little better...

Now that is a view. And a long way down...

Rebel enjoying the sites...

Too many shadows...

What is that small rat-like thing next to me?

Better. Kinda...

A cute couple...

A cute couple... in the shadows.

The moon above the lodge...

The sun setting over Upper Klamath Lake...

On Sunday, Rebel and I decided to hike out to a random waterfall. Well, it was random to me. He knew exactly where we were going. And the pups, Rebel and I had a great time...

Squirrel!!

How do you eat this stuff?

What's over there?

Nothing. What's over there?

Rebel and the girls. The random waterfall is somewhere in the background. I swear...

I think it's over there...

Or is it over there?

I will pose on this rock...

And be the cutest dog ever...

Daisy going incognito...

You don't see me. I am a figment of your imagination...

There's the waterfall. Finally...

You call this a bridge?

Doesn't look like much of a bridge to me...

Zooooooooooooooooooooom....

Rebel trying to show Daisy how it's done...

Rebel is the only one I could actually get to pose on the bridge...

After hiking up to the waterfall and back down, we then decided to go and find a Christmas tree. We might have gotten a tad bit ambitious...

It fits. Right? Right...

For the record, that's a 13' ceiling. It seriously didn't look that big when it was tied to the SUV... I swear!! Once we get lights and decorations on it, I don't think it will look that big.

Can't wait to get it all decorated. This is my favorite time of year...

What? It's Friday already? Where did the rest of the week go?

2011-12-02T10:18:00.001-08:00

It snuck up on me. One minute it was Tuesday and the next thing I know it's Friday. Don't get me wrong... Friday I am happy to see you. Kinda.

Today is also the day that I have a Doctor's appointment. Can't tell you how not excited I am by that...

But what I am excited for is the weekend. I have a lot on my plate. Riding, getting a Christmas tree, cleaning the car, more riding... the weather is supposed to be beautiful and I can't wait.

Have a great weekend...

Goals...

2011-12-01T09:34:00.001-08:00

I have goals. Achieve financial independence, enforce world peace, clean my car... you know, goals.

This weekend I am going to tackle the toughest of those 3 mentioned above... clean my car. Sure, it seems like a VW Beetle can't possibly have that much square footage to clean, but it's deceptive. Just when you've finished cleaning out a little corner of it, time and space warp and now that space is 100 times the size it just was and way more dirty. How does this happen? I'm not sure. But I bet a lot of Star Trek geeks will be beating down my door to see the worm hole...

I think the most challenging part will be getting the teflon-coated dog nose prints off the rear windows. I'm wondering if pure acid is the way to go? Or maybe just replace them...

Bring it on...

2011-11-30T14:12:00.001-08:00

Right now it's sunny. And it's supposed to stay that way for a while. So that means I get to take cool photos of awesome sunsets like this...

And it also means I'll be able to get "her fatness" out for a few rides...

Hey... who are you calling fat?

Never mind. I am not speaking to you...

Tomorrow Jewel and I are going to try some cattle sorting. I'll see if I can get Rebel to come out and take some pictures because it will probably be hilarious. Flash, after all, is terrified of cattle...

The prenup vs. "I love you, but..."

2011-11-29T11:36:00.000-08:00

An interesting question was posed to me the other day by a friend of mine who has some financial wealth. Is a prenuptial agreement the same as planning for failure?

This is an interesting question. As you know, I am kind of a hopeless romantic. Even after all the of the false starts and near-misses I'm still convinced that I will find my soul mate. Silly? Yes. But it is what it is. I tend to go into every new relationship with undying optimism. It's just who I am...

However, when this friend asked me if I would be opposed to signing one, I immediately said no. Why? Because even though I am ever-optimistic, I also have a hell of a head for business. I think assets that were accumulated before the relationship should be protected. But, what about those assets that grow as you put more into them? Rebel owns his own business and it is pretty much a separate entity from a relationship (in my mind). But what about something like farming? That is a venture that is taken on by the couple as a whole. How do you separate that out? Or do you? Is that an instance when a prenuptial agreement just wouldn't be fair?

Maybe it's situationally dependent...

And it's a very sticky situation. I guess there is no black-and-white answer to this. The best thing would be to have very open lines of communication where it could be discussed without any feelers getting hurt. But some of my friends, when asked, said it felt like planning for failure. And you definitely don't want to go into something feeling like it's already failed...

*sigh*

Tough question. No clear answer. I guess I wasn't much help...

Long, but short, weekend...

2011-11-28T09:41:00.001-08:00

I love Thanksgiving. I mean, really love it...

You can't beat turkey, mashed potatoes, stuffing, gravy, homemade rolls and all the fixin's... it's epic. A feast that I consistently overeat at every year. And this year was no exception...

I ate. And ate. And ate. And ate. And then ate some more. And then I had dessert. And then I passed out from a food coma...

But I wasn't the only one.

El Dub was napping...

Simba was napping on T...

#4 and the BabyO were napping...

Duke was napping...

BooBoo was reading. But that's almost like napping...

And after all that napping, then it was time to head out for Black Friday *insert scary music here*

That's right. I can now cross that little adventure off my bucket list. BooBoo dragged me out of bed to join her in the late-night debauchery that is shopping at midnight. It was quite an experience, let me tell you...

Just our group alone needed this much coffee to stay awake while in line...

I really felt bad for the people who were in line for BestBuy. It looked pretty bad over there. We were in line for Old Navy. Which was bad. But not that bad... Plus, BooBoo and I had a game plan. Circle once around the store grabbing as you go and be in line in 20 minutes. All told we were in and out in 25 minutes. Not bad. Not bad at all...

Later on Friday, Rebel drove up to Portland with the pups and had dinner with Bff and I. He got the Bff stamp of approval (always a good thing). Then on Saturday we had lunch with my parents. Again, he passed with flying colors. Flip Flop even commented on how normal he was (if she only knew... haha).

Unfortunately, on Saturday night I ended up not feeling so well. But Rebel was a trooper and basically ignored all the whining and gnashing of teeth that was going on over my way.

On Sunday it was time to head back home. Rebel took the pups and headed over Mt. Hood. I took myself and headed the other way to meet up with Drake for some sushi. It was good, but I wish I had been feeling better. I didn't really get to eat as much as I normally would. Oh well... maybe that's for the best. After all, I'm trying to drop some pounds before BooBoo's wedding in July.

All in all, it was a fabulous weekend. I hope yours was a happy holiday as well...

Blessings...

2011-11-24T07:15:00.000-08:00

My life has been incredibly twisty-turny. Some of that has just been the luck of the draw. Some of that has been my own doing... either way, it's been incredibly blessed.

I had no idea that this is where I would end up, but I couldn't be happier about where I am. I look (and read) back about where I have been and have no regrets. Has it been conventional? No. Has it been worth it? You bet...

So today I am incredibly grateful for my amazing family, my great friends and the newest addition to my crazy life, Rebel. And, dear readers, I am so very grateful for you...

Have the happiest day.

Remember, life is short. Make each day count...

Giving thanks...

2011-11-23T10:20:00.000-08:00

It's almost that time of year again where we sit down with friends, family and those we care about and try to make it through the dinner without killing anyone or passing out from a turkey overdose...

I love Thanksgiving.

Happy Turkey Day to you and yours...

Like the Scarlet A, but better...

2011-11-22T11:11:00.000-08:00

Bff and I have decided that all of the stupid people in the world seriously need to be rounded up and have their foreheads tattooed with the words "I'm stupid". It sure would make it easy to spot them in a crowd and then I wouldn't even have to speak to them to figure out that they are, indeed, stupid. Although some people are so dumb that just their actions alone will point this obvious fact out. However, that is not foolproof so I'm thinking this will work way better.

I already have a few candidates in mind...

It's in the handbook...

2011-11-21T09:58:00.000-08:00

There is an unwritten rule that if you are dating someone (in this case, me) then you don't go to romantic, sappy, chick-flicks without me...

How did Rebel miss this memo?

This weekend, he was out of town visiting the fam for an early Thanksgiving and the next thing I know he's telling me he just went and saw Breaking Dawn Part I with his mom and sister... and without me. What? How does that happen?

Well, he's just going to have to suck it up and see it again I'm afraid. It's part of the boyfriend duties, after all.

Which reminds me. I need to go make a copy of the handbook for him. Can't have any more incidences like this occurring... :)

I guess it could be the Twilight Zone...

2011-11-19T10:52:00.000-08:00

Or maybe it's a full moon? No. I think that was a few weeks ago...

Either way, it's been a crazy week. It all started Tuesday. I locked the screen on my computer, went to a meeting and when I got back I was greeted with this...

Oh crap. Not the blue screen of death...

Which was then followed up by this...

I don't know what this is, but it can't be good...

I immediately called RR for moral and technical support. He had me try a few things but unfortunately every time I tried to restart it was still this...

Did I mention that I hate PCs? I miss working on a mac...

So I finished up what I could without a working computer (which isn't much) and headed off to town to drop the piece of shit, I mean the laptop, off at the repair place.

On Wednesday I went to work, but ended up leaving early because my computer still wasn't fixed and I had done everything I could without the software I needed.

On Thursday when I called the repair place it still wasn't done so I took the day off and decided to lay around in bed until noon and then go for a ride.

Which one of us are you taking?

Whaddya mean you want to ride Flash today and not me?

Flash and I had a great ride. And the weather wasn't too bad either...

Thursday night they were predicting snow. But I didn't believe them...

Did you say snow?

Then I'm staying right here...

Turned out Daisy had the right idea, because on Friday morning it looked like this...

Snowwww!!!!

Unfortunately, I hadn't had a chance to take the bug in for new tires yet so I ended up having to drive the truck into work on Friday morning. Good thing I did too. It was slicker than snot out there...

I even stopped to help pull an SUV out of a ditch. Of course, the idiot driving the SUV was trying to tell me how to do it. I explained to him that if he didn't shut up and get back in his car that I was just going to leave him there. Wisely, he did as I asked...

And now today is Saturday and where am I headed? Well, after I drop the bug off to get new tires? That's right... work.

*sigh*

Not super stoked about it, but I have a lot of things to get done. Speaking of which, I guess it's time to get my butt out of bed and get moving...

I'm not nice. Fuzzy ducks are nice...

2011-11-16T11:09:00.000-08:00

And yet, I find myself trying to be nice. Well, after yesterday I don't think I'll be nice anymore.

As you know, I've been dating. I went into it with the thought that I would expand my circle of friends and if something came of that then great. And it did. Which is nice.

What is not nice is the douche bags that can't get the hint...

I've been very honest. If there was no connection I said so from the beginning. And for most people they got the gist.

Enter Creepy David... who couldn't seem to understand plain English. After our first meeting I politely (but bluntly) told him that this would not become anything other than a friendship. All through the meeting he kept trying to stroke my shoulder. It really freaked me out. And at first, he seemed to get the hint. He would see if we could get together and if I had time I might make a plan (which he usually broke, btw) and if not then I said so.

Sunday he sent a text about breaking a sushi get-together which we had scheduled on Monday. And then he sent a picture of himself (clothed, thank goodness) which I immediately deleted. And then he sent yet another text asking if I had a picture for him...

*gag*

I ignored them all and didn't answer on Sunday night. On Monday, I told him he wasn't getting a picture and that it was fine he couldn't make it to sushi. He then sent a text about trying to get together another night and proceeded to send his whole schedule for the next 2 months. Seriously? Who does that? I can barely figure out what I'm doing tonight let alone 2 months from now... I texted back that I could maybe do it the next week. And then he sends a message about really wanting to spend some "quality time" together and try to coordinate our days off to make that happen...

*sigh*

Once again I explained to him that this is just a friends thing for me and that I'm not spending my days off with him (basically I said I have better things to do). Well... he got pissy and texted back that if I wasn't interested in getting to know a good man then maybe I should just not be dating.

*sigh*

Seriously? I explained to Creepy David right out of the gate it wasn't happening and reiterated that point several times. What on earth does it take for someone like him to get the hint?

Needless to say I didn't bother answering that text. I deleted his number out of my phone and then went online and blocked it. I don't need that kind of headache hanging around.

Rebel, on the other hand, thought it was hilarious...

Life changes, Silver Falls and snow...

2011-11-14T11:03:00.000-08:00

Last week was a long (but good) week. I was supposed to go to Farmer's, but it ended up that this weekend he had the flu (the previous weekend it was me) so I stayed home.

On Wednesday, I had dropped my truck and trailer off at Rebel's shop to have some work done on it. The weekend before everything on it (lights, brakes, everything...) had stopped working. I figured it was time to finally get something done about that. Honestly, I would have been thrilled if he had just gotten the magnetic lights working again. Instead, my trailer came back on Thursday looking better than it did when I bought it. He had completely rewired the truck and the plug harness, put new wiring throughout on the trailer and had upgraded all the lights to LED's. It was way more than I could afford. Rebel's response? Cook me dinner and we're even...

I was feeling kind of bad about it. After all, that's a lot of work that he did on that rusty piece of crap (come to find out later he also welded the back axle which was starting to rust loose). It just didn't seem right. I consulted Clown on this and he told me to just graciously accept what was offered. And he even seemed offended that I had tried to offer Rebel some money towards the fix-up of the truck and trailer. I didn't quite get what he was driving at until he told me that by offering to pay Rebel for the work that I was cheapening the gift. Seriously? I had no idea that men think like this. My thought? I didn't want to take advantage of anyone's generosity...

After all, since I've moved back Rebel has helped me out a lot. He came over to stack hay. He took me out to dinner when I was flat broke. Hell, he's even cooked for me a time or two... (I know, I know. A guy who can turn a wrench and cook? Almost too good to be true...)

So on Friday we decided to take it to the next level, and turned our friendship into a relationship.

Yup, you heard it right. I am no longer single... (and it happened on 11.11.11 too. hehe)

Trust me, you aren't the only one that is shocked. But I'm very happy about the sudden turn of events. Sometimes you just really never know what is around the corner waiting for you. I guess that's what makes life so interesting...

OK, back to the weekend...

On Saturday morning I swapped Goodwin and Storm. So now Storm is at my place and Goodwin will spend the winter at Mags and she will start to put some groundwork on him this winter.

Saturday afternoon, Rebel suggested we drive out to Silver Falls and check it out. He had tried to do some camping there earlier in the year, but it hadn't panned out and he wanted to see if it was worth trying to camp there again. So off we went...

Of course, the pups demanded they come along as well...

And even though the weather wasn't great, I'm glad we went. That place was amazing!! Not only did you get to see the falls from the front, you got to go behind them too. It was so cool.

Main waterfall looking from the upper trail...

People walking behind the main falls...

Watching the water fall from behind the falls...

The second waterfall on the Canyon trail...

It was very wet walking behind this waterfall...

Rebel reluctantly posing for a picture...

The hike was actually pretty nice considering that the weather wasn't that great. We got misted on most of the hike and towards the end, we really got rained on.

On our way back home, the pass was a mess. It really started snowing and we were held up by several wreckers that were pulling cars out of the ditch. One truck looked like it had rolled over. It was pretty snowy and slick but we made it home safe and sound. And really, really tired. Man am I out of shape...

Sunday I went riding with Jewel and Mags. It was a gorgeous day although the wind was quite cold. But we had a good time. I rode Storm and Mags rode Flash for me...

Mags & Jewel enjoying a great ride...

The rest of Sunday was just spent recovering from the hike the day before. Although Rebel did come over and I did make waffles for dinner, other than that I didn't get off the couch. I was supposed to go to a soccer game at 7pm but I totally forgot about it. Probably best... I'm not sure I could have run up and down the field anyway.

All in all, it was a really great weekend. I'm looking forward to seeing what else is on the horizon...

The second best view...

2011-11-10T13:17:00.000-08:00

The sunsets at the beach were unbeatable...

But this is a close second...

Man I love where I live...

Drive-by...

2011-11-09T09:49:00.000-08:00

Last night I was the victim of a drive-by...

I was out in the field feeding the horses when it first happened. Noelle drank out of the auto-waterer that is in the pasture and then she stuck her tongue out and licked my hand as she went zooming by. A drive-by licking...

*gag*

I know where that tongue has been. I don't want it to touch me anywhere upon my person...

And it was bad enough that she did it once. But then, back at the house she did it again. Got a drink out of the water bowl and then got me with her dripping wet tongue as she zoomed by.

*gag*

Bad dog!!

Pet winterizing...

2011-11-08T09:39:00.000-08:00

Seeing this picture reminds me that I need to winterize Daisy...

Why you dress me like this? You no love me?

Noelle, on the other hand, has enough fluff on her own. She takes after her mama that way...

What's in your wallet?

2011-11-07T09:22:00.000-08:00

As you may know, my goal now that I'm back in Central Oregon is to buy a house in few years. To that end, I have met with a broker to see what I need to do to have the credit necessary to make this happen.

His first piece of advise? Get a credit card...

Nooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo... I don't want a credit card. I haven't had one in over 12 years. Why do I have to have one?

*pouts*

Apparently this is the fastest way to start to build my credit back up again. Ugh...

So I bit the bullet this weekend and applied for one. They wanted to give me a $1,000 limit. I opted for $300. Figured that way I can't get myself into too much trouble. I've also decided that the only thing I'm going to use it for is gas and then pay it off every month. I don't want to use it for something I can't afford anyway. That's how I got into deep shit last time. Never again!!

*crosses her heart*

So, my fully customized card will be here in 7-10 days. I opted to go with a sunny beach picture. I do miss the beach... just not the weather.

I miss that view...

This will be a happy reminder of the ocean every time I go to fill up...

Oh yeah, now I remember...

2011-11-04T15:07:00.000-07:00

The white stuff... is... snow.

I'm not ready...

And I'm definitely not ready for ice...

I guess winter really is coming. Bummer...

This is why I don't have kids...

2011-11-03T11:57:00.000-07:00

It started Tuesday night. First it was an upset stomach. Then I was praying to the porcelain gods. Then the fever set in at around 3:30am yesterday.

For the life of me I couldn't figure out where I could have possibly caught a flu bug. I have my own office and there is hardly anyone here. Seriously.

And then I remembered... the horse show. There were hundreds of little petri dishes (aka kids) running around that damn show. Those little brats contaminated me. My immune system doesn't like kids. At. All.

Good thing it was a quick bug. My fever broke around 2pm yesterday and I'm back in action at work today. Good thing, too. Stuff is starting to back up and I was only gone one day...

Ripples...

2011-11-01T08:47:00.000-07:00

No. I'm not talking about the ones on my butt...

Yes, yes. I am aware that spandex riding pants are a privilege and not a right. But it was part of the costume, so get over it. Plus, I continue to drop pounds so by next spring when endurance racing gets underway I won't be offending anyone...

The ripples I'm talking about are the ones on the ponds of our lives. I always wonder what seemingly small gestures make real waves... you know, you say something that seems so inconsequential and that small thing ripples out having effects that you will never see or know about. Wouldn't it be cool if you could step back and actually see all of those things at work?

These incredibly deep thoughts were brought to you by my hormones. I hope you enjoyed...

It is Monday, right?

2011-10-31T10:06:00.000-07:00

It was such a crazy weekend that when I woke up this morning I wasn't exactly sure what day it was...

Friday night, JT the PT adjusted my back and boy did that feel so good. After that it was sushi. I have actually found a good place here in Bend that is almost as good as the coast. Not bad considering that I'm 5 hours away from the ocean.

Saturday it was the Spooktacular horse show. Flash and I dressed up and proceeded to have a great time at the horse show. Our first class was the costume class where there were about 35 entries. We took 5th...

Ladybug and her daisy...

Flash got many compliments on his daisies. He looked so cute. He kept trying to shake them out of his mane, but I had them banded in there pretty tight so he was stuck with them all day...

In the afternoon, we did a bunch of western pleasure classes. Typically Flash is not a slow and easy mover... he likes to go fast. But by afternoon we were both kinda tired so we actually did pretty well in those classes. We took a 3rd, a 4th, 2 5th and a 6th. And yes, there were more than 6 people in every class we were in...

The pups were pretty sad that they didn't get to go to the show, however...

How could you leave us behind?

On Sunday, I had to go into work for a few hours to help out with the Fall Harvest festival we were having on property. Since I was there anyway, JT came out and we decided to play a round of golf on the Jack Nicklaus course. I was a little nervous about playing on such a difficult course because I haven't swung my golf clubs in about 3 1/2 years but I actually played pretty well and we had a great time. We did get rained on a few times, but it was still pretty nice out there on the course...

After that we jumped in the hot tub to relax for a bit... which felt great, but man was I tired after all that. I slept like the dead last night.

What a fun weekend, though...

This morning I decided to take some photos of Goodwin so you can see how good he is starting to look...

Before...

Today...

It's amazing what a few months and some food will do for a horse. In another month or so he should be fat enough to start working with. I can't wait. He's got such a sweet personality...

All in all, a great weekend. Next weekend I'm at Farmer's... hope he's ready for the invasion of my laundry.

Not again...

2011-10-28T11:13:00.000-07:00

I think I'm going to have to start picking a different night for laundry night. Knowing you're facing down loads of laundry really takes the TG out of TGIF. You know what I mean?

Anyway, I have better things to do tonight. I have to get Flash all gussied up for our Spooktacular show tomorrow. He's going to be a pretty yellow daisy and I will be going as a lady bug. Don't worry... I'm sure there will be lots of humiliating photos to share with you later. Well, Flash won't think they are humiliating. He loves to dress up...

Also tonight I'm getting my back worked on for the first time in years. It's really been really bugging me and I can't wait to get a few kinks worked out.

After that, it's sushi. And you can never go wrong with sushi...

Doesn't this sound way better than laundry? Yeah, I thought so too...

Laundry...

2011-10-27T11:59:00.000-07:00

I hate laundry. I hated it when I had a washer/dryer in my house. I hate it even more now that I don't...

Wiped out...

2011-10-26T09:31:00.000-07:00

Who knew that feeding horses was full contact sport? Both physically and financially...

This morning when I went out to feed it was a little earlier than normal, so it was a little darker than normal too. However, dawn was just breaking so I could see a little bit. At least, I thought I could...

I went and got the hay and then proceeded along the fence line to the far pasture where my critters are located. As I was walking down the line I tripped over a rock I didn't see and fell face-first into the fence, tearing up my knee and hand. Ouch...

The same, but different...

2011-10-25T14:14:00.000-07:00

So I got a new phone... and a new number. Instead of a Droid X I decided to go with an iPhone (I have macs at home and I wanted something that would actually sync with my laptop).

This phone is very familiar (thanks to me already being a mac girl)... but it is going to take some getting used to. For instance, it took me almost a full 1/2 hour to figure out how to get into voicemail. I think this is just how it's going to be for a few days...

But I'm smart. I'll figure it out...

Right? Right.

An almost perfect weekend...

2011-10-24T12:01:00.000-07:00

It was a gorgeous weekend here in Central Oregon. The sun was shining, it was warm and practically no wind to speak of. It was perfect... almost.

On Friday night I went to dinner with some friends and tried an Italian place I had never been. The food was very good and I was stuffed when I got home. When I let the pups out Noelle and DD started playing zoomy and even had some mad-teeth going...

Noelle: Banzai!!!

DD: Get off me fatty...

Noelle: Move please, so I may tackle you...

Daisy & DD: What is that?

We are the cutest pups ever!!

Noelle: I'm going to be a vampire for Halloween... like my teeth?

Noelle: Come baaaaaaack....

DD: Can't catch me... :P

Noelle: That's what you think...

On Saturday I woke up to a fantastic sunrise.

Hello sun...

And it was so nice I decided to meet JT out at Cline Butte and go for a ride. We didn't climb the big butte, but the views were still spectacular from our lookout spot...

Halfway up...

View of the Cascades from the top...

Um, less pictures more riding please...

Jag taking a nap at the top of the butte...

Saturday night I was supposed to go to a birthday/costume party. I was all dressed up (well, actually I wasn't wearing much) but couldn't find the house. I had written the directions down wrong and didn't have a working phone to call anyone to figure out where I was supposed to be going. Which is a damn shame, because my costume was great... I had my long trench on and not much else underneath it (OK, my swimsuit) and it totally looked like I was a naked flasher...

On Sunday, Jewel and I hauled out to Mags and rode out there. Again, it was another gorgeous day. Unfortunately my phone battery was toast so I didn't get any photos. But you get the idea of the kind of day it was.

Sunday night JT and I grabbed some sushi and then it was back to his place for some plum wine. Yum!!

All in all it was a great weekend. The only thing that would have made it perfect is if I was rolling around in cash. I'm still working on that...

Ketchup...

2011-10-21T09:52:00.000-07:00

No, no, no...

I mean catch up. I have a lot to catch you up on...

As you may (or may not have) noticed, when I wrote about this weekend I didn't mention getting together with Tech. That's because I didn't. On Saturday I got a text message around 10am saying he was busy and couldn't get together. Instantly I had a gut feeling (remember this, because it comes into play later) but I dismissed said gut feeling because it was completely unfounded. I went about my day and my weekend and didn't think much more about it.

On Tuesday I sent him a quick email saying I couldn't remember how long his 2 girl friends were in town but if his schedule freed up to give me a ring. He wrote back saying he needed to talk to me. Apparently over the weekend he read the blog. Not just a few posts or a few months worth. He basically read the whole thing (he'll say 80%, but I'm not so sure... seemed like a higher percentage than that to me). And if you have followed this blog for any amount of time you realize that it's like morphine. You have to take it in a little at a time or you're at risk of an overdose...

And he definitely overdosed.

Last night we met up to talk about it. Naturally most of what he read scared the piss out of him. It's a lot. And there's a lot of drama back there too. I get it... but I figured I could talk him off the ledge.

But remember that gut feeling? Yeah, it's about to become pertinent.

More than the blog being an issue was the fact that apparently his single status wasn't so single anymore. He informed me that his on-again off-again girlfriend decided that they were on-again (man my timing sucks).

And my gut feeling about that text was that he had hooked up with one of the girls. I need to remember that my gut never lies...

Damn shame too... oh well, friends it is. Thank goodness I have been blessed with that switch that kills all romantic interest as soon as I hear there isn't any interest on the other side. Makes things way easier.

After all, I don't want to be accused of poaching in another woman's territory...

The age-old battle of Love vs. Lust...

2011-10-20T10:04:00.000-07:00

I got an email from Wildflower last night asking me if it was too early to be in love. I really didn't have a good answer for her because I believe it is situationally dependent, in my opinion...

I have known couples who dated for years and then only lasted a few months as a married couple. Then I know other couples who hardly knew each other (a few weeks) and got married and are still married to this day. I think the success of a relationship depends on a few key things...

1. Recognizing that lust is not love. Lust is exciting, thrilling and jumbles your emotions all up. Love is trustworthy, secure and grounds you. Personally, I think a successful relationship should have both. You can cultivate love and still keep things spicy (lust). But it's work... it doesn't happen all by itself. Which brings me to...

2. Relationships are work. Not a job, but work. There is a difference, as CO was pointing out to me a few days ago. Work is something you do with passion in your heart and it brings you joy (not always, but most of the time). A job is something that you do because you feel you have to but there is no joy or passion.

3. Realize that if you're not growing together, you're growing apart. Relationships are not static... they are in perpetual motion. The trick is to keep moving in the same direction. Accommodations will have to be made on both sides but that is one of the trade-offs of being a "we" versus a "me".

4. Contrary to popular belief, there is no set timeline for how things in a relationship should develop. For some it is slow and steady. For others it is rapid. Neither one is better than the other. But both parties have to be on the same page. If one is on the fast track and the other is moving along at a much slower pace that's going to cause problems. I should know... that was the Biologist and I to a T. These days I'm not in that much of a hurry. I want to savor the moments rather than rush through them...

5. Realize that mistakes will be made. On both sides. No one is perfect and there has to be room for error inside the boundaries of a relationship... otherwise nothing but failure can happen. There has to be breathing room...

And the hardest one of all...

6. Be eyes wide open and don't be afraid to say what's on your mind. Sometimes we ignore things because it feels so good and we don't want to be bothered with reality. But be aware of any red flags and be ready to talk them out. Either they will be resolved or they won't. If they aren't resolved then it's probably not going to last.

It's all a work in progress, people. Don't forget that...

Observations...

2011-10-19T09:05:00.000-07:00

1. Old habits die hard. On my way home from work last night I came upon a wreck. An SUV had taken out a couple of telephone poles. My first inclination was to pull over and take pictures, but not because I like looking at accidents. Neither newspaper I worked for had designated photographers so if you came upon something newsworthy you snapped a photo or faced the wrath of the editor and publisher...

2. People rarely say what they are actually thinking. Unfortunately this continues to be true no matter how old I get. And it befuddles me. I guess my best friends (Bff, Wildflower, Clown and Farmer) are the types that don't mince words. If you ask them for their opinion on a given subject, they are going to give it... warts and all. Why can't all people just operate like this? I was blessed (or cursed) without a filter between my brain and my mouth, so no one ever need wonder what is on my mind...

3. No matter where I live, my sinuses are going to be upset. At the coast it was too moist and salty. Here it is too dry. I guess it's back to putting balm up the nose to keep the nosebleeds to a minimum... *sigh*

4. Some songs, no matter how many times I hear them, still affect me. Funny how very specific memories attach themselves to very specific songs. And when I hear those songs (even after years) I am whisked back to that moment in time. The brain is amazing that way...

5. The universe helps those that help themselves. I am amazed at people who sit around waiting for good things in life to happen. In my experience, you have to go out and make those things happen... or they won't happen. Pretty simple...

Sometimes being a Raider fan really sucks...

2011-10-18T11:45:00.000-07:00

If you don't follow the NFL, then just ignore this post. If you do follow the NFL and are a Raider's fan, then you know my pain. If you follow the NFL and are the fan of an opposing team, then you are laughing you butt off right now...

In short, the Raiders have been owned by a man named Al Davis for many, many years. Back in the day he was brilliant. In later years he was a joke. And then he died. I was hoping with his death that the mismanagement of the team would die with him. Unfortunately, that isn't happening...

*very sad face*

The quarterback got hurt. Rather than scrap the season and just try to get by and work towards a great season next year the Raiders decided it would be an awesome idea to trade 2 first round picks (worth lots) for an aging, out-of-shape quarterback (not worth lots).

I just don't get it. It's just not good business sense.

I guess the legacy of Al lives on...

Everything looks better by candlelight...

2011-10-17T10:16:00.000-07:00

Let me just say right off that it was a wild weekend. I didn't plan it that way... it just happened. I swear.

Friday night I was supposed to go and do laundry. Instead Jewel showed up and we went for a twilight ride instead. She's interested in getting into endurance racing and she wanted to see what it's like to ride at speed. So Flash and I gave her a taste. Both Jewel and her horse Maddie were pretty tired by the time we were done. Flash, on the other hand, was getting all competitive and anytime Maddie got close he would speed up his trot. Maddie was having to canter to keep up with him. I forgot how fast that horse trots!! But we had a great time.

After I got home I jumped in the shower and as soon as I was out Hutch called me to come join her for a few drinks at the Tumalo Feed Company. Holy crap is that place hilarious... red velvet seats, a cowboy singing in the corner and a drink called Cowgirl Koolaid. What could possibly go wrong? We chatted about the upcoming Halloween Horse Show and tried to decide what classes we were going to do and what our costumes were going to be. Since my Rainbow Brite costume has mysteriously disappeared I need a back-up plan. I think I've decided to cover Flash in silk flowers and twigs and then I'm going to dress up as a lady bug. Easy enough, I think... (famous last words)

On Saturday, Jewel wanted to get out and ride again. This time I decided to leave Flash behind and take Scoot out. He is a monster. His back is probably a foot higher than Flash's is. Trying to get my leg up to the stirrup was quite the ordeal. I think I need to do more yoga (or stick to short horses). But once I managed to get on we had a great ride. It was a gorgeous day. Then it was time to go to "the party"...

"The Party" was a romance party (if you know what those are... and if you don't, well think toys and stuff for the bedroom). I made Jewel go with me. We took some liquor, which was good because we ended up needing it. Now as you know, I am not shy about sex. Or discussing sex. But you have to have special talents to describe all of those products and still keep a straight face. Some of that stuff was terrifying. Seriously...

Needless to say, we made our exit fairly early.

On Sunday I woke up to drizzle-rain. I was supposed to get together with Mags, Jewel and KO for a ride out at Crooked River but the weather was not cooperating. So instead I just packed up the dogs and went out to Crooked River to visit KO and hang with them. Her parents and some of their friends were in town so it turned out to be quite the party. And I probably had a smidge too much to drink. But we had a great time!!

The view from KO's back deck...

Rudy: You're gonna share with me right?

Daisy: If she's sharing with anyone it's going to be me...

Sigfried: I don't care who she shares with. Just get these mutts off my porch...

Now!!

Noelle: I want some too...

Yes, I am an angel. In case there was any doubt...

The view from KO's parent's house...

This morning I was a little sluggish getting out of bed. I went to turn on the light in the bathroom and heard a pop and was plunged into darkness. My attempt to remove the light cover failed (damn those screws are tight) and so I ended up having to get ready by candlelight.

Not how I really wanted to start out my Monday after such a stellar weekend...

It's Friday!! You know what that means...

2011-10-14T09:56:00.000-07:00

Yup, that's right. It's laundry night. After much experimentation (and when I can't find a friend to let me come over and hog their washer and dryer) I've discovered that no one is in the laundromat on a Friday night. Apparently, everyone else has something better to do. Go figure...

My date for tonight...

But never fear. My Saturday is looking way more interesting than my Friday night. Tech and I are getting together at some point. Breakfast and a hike were ideas that were bandied about... however, I think it will depend on how his Friday night goes as to what time we actually hook up. He's doing a zombie walk (whatever the hell that is), corn maze and a haunted something-or-other with some friends that are coming into town. It was also mentioned that he would probably be up late drinking (hmmmm... perhaps I should call during this drunken debauchery and see what juicy dirt I can squeeze out of him). Anyway, his Friday is sounding way better than mine.

Oh well. I'll find some way to make laundry exciting...

In other news... after I took the time and effort to set the record straight about Farmer and CG (california girl) calling more than texting, he informed me yesterday that they have both been too busy the past week and have indeed been communicating strictly by text only. Sheesh... trying to keep up with him is a full time job sometimes.

Wildflower and Claw have really hit it off and have decided to make if Facebook official. Yup, that's right... after 2 dates. I couldn't be more thrilled for her. As long as she keeps her eyes open for potential red flags I see no problem with the accelerated rate of things. Sometimes it just feels that right.

Which brings me to my next topic...

Living my life out in the open like this brings about the good, the bad and the "I have no idea what you're talking about". The good is that I get a lot of support when I need it. The bad is that I get a lot of opinions on how I choose to live my life. The rest is just a hot mess that I don't even acknowledge... except this once.

Most of you are thrilled that I have inadvertently stumbled into something that has the potential to be something great. I thank you for your support (especially Flip Flop and Bff). A few of you think that I need to spend a certain time single (I have no idea why) and can't understand that, regardless of whatever the timing, if something good comes along I'm not going to piss all over it. And then there is one of you (you know who you are) who is completely off the reservation. I'm sure that you think that you know how to live my life better than I do, but it is my life and I will do whatever I please.

I will continue to see what unfolds because that is what I want to do. I am not a desperate individual (regardless of what you think) and have no problem living my life for me. If I did, I would have never moved to Central Oregon in the first place. I would have stayed on the Coast and stayed with RR... because that would have been the easy thing to do. I knew when I moved here that I risked the relationship between RR and I, but I knew it was the right thing to do for me. So, you don't know me... you have no idea what I am really like (except in what I choose to show you here) and regardless of the crazy comments (which I will continue to delete until you can behave yourself) I will continue to put myself out there. It's a part of who I am...

OK, rant over.

Back to happy Friday thoughts. Like this...

How can the sight of this not make you happy?

Making headway...

2011-10-13T09:51:00.000-07:00

Wildflower texted me the other night to tell me about her date with a new guy. I haven't quite decided what to call him yet, so for now he's just "the guy"...

Apparently The Guy made quite the impression. He brought flowers (major bonus points there) and when they parted ways in the evening he gave her a kiss on the hand and the neck. For her, this is the epitome of the best first date ever. Which is great. I couldn't be happier. Wildflower is the type that loves romance and someone who doesn't have a problem saying what they are feeling. And after having dated a few that jerked her around, I'm glad that this one seems to be legit.

Farmer also texted me the other day to say that the majority of his conversations with California Girl are by phone and not by text. Sorry. My bad... I wish that this one were closer to him. I think there would definitely be more going on if she were.

And as for me...

I met up with the guy from Sunday (don't really have a name for him yet, either... I must be losing my touch) last night to do some bowling. Well, we tried to do some bowling... but apparently there was a league that thought they had dibs on the lanes. So I guess I will have to wait to show off my bowling skills another time.

Instead we ended up going to a Peruvian restaurant and had some din-din and possibly the best margarita I've ever had. It was nomz...

Anyway, same thing happened last night that happened on Sunday. We ended talking for about 5 hours. Jury is still out on how much time I spent talking vs. him... I want to say it was 50/50, however he gave me a bad time about being so chatty so maybe it was more like 60/40... or 70/30. Whatever. I was chatty. Possibly verging on the point of being TMI, but I've always been the type to just throw it out there and see what sticks. I guess my philosophy is this: if they don't like it, then I probably won't hear from them again. Best to get it sorted out at the beginning rather than have things drag on and then find out it's just not going to work. Right? Right...

Anywho, moving on...

My chattiness must not have been that bad because we are getting together again on Saturday. That bodes well, right? Right...

The "potential" problem...

2011-10-12T10:13:00.000-07:00

I am guilty. And I'm here to admit my guilt and confess all of my (dating) sins. The biggest of which is dating "potential" and not what is actually presented to me.

I confess... I love to tinker. Computers, cars, horses, dogs, men...

And while trying to modify the behaviors of most of these things is a good thing, with human beings (men, specifically) this is probably bad. Well, actually I know it is. It is bad.

I think I have finally figured out that you can't date potential. You need to assess the person before you and realize that they are not going to change (because they aren't... especially in my dating pool) and then try to decide if the person that they actually are is someone that works with who I am actually am.

Not easy, my friends. Not easy at all...

How much text is too much text?

2011-10-11T11:40:00.000-07:00

I, as you know, am not opposed to internet dating. I think it's a valid way to meet people if you are not a church-goer or a bar-goer. However, there is a weird side-product of internet dating and that is over-texting (or emailing).

Farmer has completely given up on the internet dating thing and is now relying on friends and neighbors to help him out with that. In his case, over-texting is a must because the girl he is currently interested in is in California. Can't help but use the phone a lot to stay in touch. I get it...

Wildflower, on the other hand, is looking for prospects in her immediate area. Over-texting is a major danger. You see a guy on the internet dating site. He's cute. You email. He emails you back. You exchange numbers. Next thing you know, you are having full-on conversations by text that you should be having in person... or you are saying things that you would never say in person. Then when you finally meet up, the real thing is a let down compared to what you've built up in your own imagination.

I think a lot of people mistake the thrill of the hunt for real, actual feelings. It's a downfall of our times, I suppose...

Weekend of the unexpected...

2011-10-10T12:11:00.000-07:00

Going into the weekend, I had no plans and not high expectations for what was going to happen. However, it ended up being quite a busy weekend...

On Friday night I was supposed to do a lesson with Hutch, but I wasn't feeling that great so I opted not to go. Instead I stayed home and watched a movie and cuddled with the dogs. It was great.

On Saturday, a friend and I went to tea in the morning and caught up on life. After that, another friend trailered over to my place and we went for a ride. It ended up being in the 70's and was a perfect day for a fall ride. The horses did great and the dogs had a good time. Later that night I got talked into going out to see a band at a brewpub in Sisters. The band was great and I think I met a guy I'd like to introduce to the Bff. We shall see if I can make that happen...

Sunday was the most surprising day of all. I was supposed to meet up with a guy last weekend but a friend unexpectedly showed up and I didn't end up going (might have chickened out just a little). However, I agreed to meet him for breakfast on Sunday. I figured what the hell... at the very least I can expand my social circle. So, we went to breakfast and ended up chatting for almost 5 hours. It was a very entertaining morning.

Then to make the day even better, the sun came out and I was able to get out for another ride. Not a bad weekend, considering...

Dating 101...

2011-10-06T12:38:00.000-07:00

Now that I'm single again, I'm going to have to start thinking about dating. Oh. Dear. Lord. Just shoot me now, seriously.

Wildflower and Farmer are single, too. So at least I have partners in crime...

Farmer is having about the same luck as before. He seems to kind of attract the crazy (or the seriously too far away to even consider it) types. I'm not sure what it is about him. And what does that say about me? OK, that is a totally different blog. Moving on...

His latest crazy was with a girl he chatted back and forth with quite a bit. He kept trying to set up a meet and greet but it kept falling through. Then the mutual friends tried getting something set up. That was a no-go as well... mostly because of a lack of communication. The PD (potential date) asked if he was going to the mutual friend's house. Farmer said no. Mutual friend then later called to ask why he didn't show up. It was weird. Seriously, weird. And then, out of the blue, the PD asked if he was a virgin. What on God's green earth does that have anything to do with anything? Needless to say, he stopped chatting with her...

Wildflower isn't faring much better. Things with Coyote went south. He basically had no time for a relationship and had no idea what he wanted out of one. So, she's back in the dating pool as well...

*sigh*

But we're all coming to the same conclusion. There are people who seriously need a self-help book on how to date. Need. It. Bad.

I feel like I need to state the ground rules before anything even starts...

#1. If you don't know me, then my name is not "hun" or "babe". Talk about a serious turn-off...
#2. Hold up your side of the conversation, regardless of format. Be it text, phone or in person, you have to interact too...
#3. Be a gentleman and a guy. (OK, this is for Wildflower and I... Farmer is a gentleman and McGuyver, so I don't worry about him). Call (or text) first. Open doors. Plan the date. Be a guy, for the love of Pete!! I swear that my generation of men have gotten way to used to women pursuing them, and doing it all for them. I'm not going to do it. And neither will those women who have any sense of self-worth...
#4. Don't talk about sex right out of the gate. If there's any type of chemistry, then there is plenty of time to have that conversation down the road...
#5. A good night kiss (if there was chemistry) is appropriate. No more, no less...

*sigh*

I am not really looking forward to getting back out there. But I suppose I have to take the plunge sooner or later...

But I'm thinking later. Much later...

Curves are a good thing...

2011-10-05T07:49:00.000-07:00

Someone posted this on their facebook this morning and it really struck home with me...

A while back, at the entrance of a gym, there was a picture of a very thin and beautiful woman. The caption was "This summer, do you want to be a mermaid or a whale?"

French Model Tara Lynn

The story goes, a woman (of clothing size unknown) answered the following way:

"Dear people, whales are always surrounded by friends (dolphins, seals, curious humans), they are sexually active and raise their children with great tenderness.
They entertain like crazy with dolphins and eat lots of prawns. They swim all day and travel to fantastic places like Patagonia, the Barents Sea or the coral reefs of Polynesia.
They sing incredibly well and sometimes even are on cds. They are impressive and dearly loved animals, which everyone defend and admires.

Mermaids do not exist.

But if they existed, they would line up to see a psychologist because of a problem of split personality: woman or fish?
They would have no sex life and could not bear children.
Yes, they would be lovely, but lonely and sad.
And, who wants a girl that smells like fish by his side?

Without a doubt, I'd rather be a whale.

At a time when the media tells us that only thin is beautiful, I prefer to eat ice cream with my kids, to have dinner with my husband, to eat and drink and have fun with my friends.

We women, we gain weight because we accumulate so much wisdom and knowledge that there isn't enough space in our heads, and it spreads all over our bodies.
We are not fat, we are greatly cultivated.
Every time I see my curves in the mirror, I tell myself: "How amazing am I ?! "

Tara Lynn is gorgeous. I mean really gorgeous. And she is one size bigger than I am. Kudos to her for embracing her curves and making an amazing career. I would do well to remember that I also, even as big as I am now, am gorgeous.

It's time to embrace this body, just as it is now, and love me for who I am...

39's not so bad...

2011-10-03T09:19:00.000-07:00

In fact, it feels a lot like 38. Only a year older.

I had a good birthday. Saturday (which was not my birthday) was rough for some reason. I was emotional and pensive and moody. Basically I was having a pity party of 1. I blame it on hormones...

And I was supposed to meet up with a guy for some live music but that got interrupted by a friend coming into town at the last moment. Good thing or bad thing? That remains to be seen...

Yesterday (which was my birthday), I went for a ride on Storm with Mags and had a good time. Storm was also hormonal and didn't feel like it, but I didn't give her a choice. She bitched and moaned and then decided the best way to get it over with was to just go, already. After that, I met up with an old friend that I haven't seen since I moved back. It was just like old times. We ate, drank and were merry. Probably too merry for her hubby, but he watched football and just tuned us out.

So, it was a good day and a mostly decent weekend. Thanks for all the birthday wishes. I'm sure it's going to be a good year...

It must be my bug...

2011-09-30T10:25:00.000-07:00

For those of you who know me personally or have followed this blog awhile, you know that I drive a VW Bug. It's white, it's cute, it has a yellow daisy in the vase...

It also incites violence and random waving wherever I go.

Remember that game "slug-a-bug" that we played as kids? Yeah, kids are still playing it. I like knowing that I get to be a point wherever I go.

But the other side-effect of driving a friendly vehicle is that people that I don't know wave to me all the time. I'm not sure if I'm supposed to wave back or not... what is proper VW waving protocol anyway? And is there a special VW bug wave that one driver is supposed to give another like jeeps and motorcycles have?

Inquiring minds want to know...

It's good to be loved...

2011-09-29T09:58:00.001-07:00

When I got home from San Diego it was late at night. The next morning I was running late and didn't have time to go out to the pasture and say hi to Flash and Goodwin.

So, after work on Tuesday I headed out to the pasture to give the boys some love. They are in the far pasture right now and when Flash saw me at the gate to the near pasture he called out to me and came sprinting over to the middle gate. And then when I got there he gave me a horsey-hug with a low nicker and then proceeded to stick his head in my face if I stopped scratching his itchy bits.

Goodwin was a little more reserved but still came over for some scritches.

It's good to know that they miss me as much as I miss them when I'm gone. I'll definitely be taking Flash out for a ride tonight. I know we'll both enjoy it...

Good times down South...

2011-09-28T09:13:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you're wondering after reading about the crazy flight how the rest of the mini-vaca went? It was great. I'm thinking we need to make it an annual event, personally...

Very rarely do I get to hang out with just Flip Flop and BooBoo. And we did it all...

We napped...

We hiked...

We took in the views...

We shopped at the swap meet...

We forgot where our car was at the airport parking lot...

We even played soccer, too...

Well Flip Flop didn't, but BooBoo and I did...

I even kinda looked like an athlete (up until I crawled off the field gasping for air).

The mini-vaca was a great birthday gift...

It's official...

2011-09-27T09:44:00.000-07:00

I'm single again. But I really don't want to talk about it right now...

And I have a lot of fun pics from my mini-vaca down in San Diego that I want to share but I don't have the energy to write that blog yet either.

Give me a few days...

Maybe it's the air at 30,000 feet...

2011-09-24T16:16:00.000-07:00

Or maybe it's the lack of air... or maybe it's just Oakland.

Although it didn't just start in Oakland. We (Flip Flop and I) arrived at PDX a little early and decided to have lunch at the airport. However, by the time we got to the security check-in the line was huge. So we decided to walk down to the other end of the airport where the security line was much shorter. As we were walking we started power walking just to goof off. Next thing you know, some business guy declares that we won't beat him and speed walks right by us. I think he was kidding... although he did beat us to the line.

Our flight from Portland to Oakland was just fine. It was a full plane, but it was quiet (minus the crying baby somewhere up near the front).

Once we reached Oakland, it was a different story. There were about 20 of us staying on board to continue on to San Diego and we decided to move closer to the front before they started having people board the plane. The first to board were a pack of business men. They seemed somewhat normal and Flip Flop and I didn't think much of it.

Then came Cruella DeVil...

Flip Flop decided to hit the restroom before it was time to take off and put her purse and book in the middle seat and left the aisle seat empty. Cruella walked up and started putting her stuff in the seat. I explained that the seat was taken and she got all huffy and asked why Flip Flop's stuff was in the middle seat if she was actually using the aisle seat. I pointed out to her that the rest of the plane was open and available if she didn't like it. She stomped off down the aisle.

The rest of the plane filled up and towards the end the flight crew announces that the overhead bins are getting full and to put the smaller bags under the seats. Just after that, another business guy comes on board and asks one of the guys in the group in front of us if he can move a computer bag to put his suitcase in. The guy says sure but tells him it has to be close by (can't blame him, it is his computer after all). Well, the 2nd business guy can't find a close place and starts to put it way down the plane. The first guys starts yelling at him to bring his computer back to where he is at the front. So the 2nd guy hands the 1st guy his computer bag and says to put it under his chair. The 1st guy says to put it back up where he found it. Then the 2nd guy puts his computer bag in the aisle and walks off.

This causes the 1st guy to jump up and grab the 2nd guy's bag out of the overhead bin and dump it in the aisle and put his computer bag back where it was originally. Oh and to scream what a dick the 2nd guy was down the plane. The 2nd guy then marches up to the flight attendant and complains about the 1st guy moving his bag. Then the first guy yells that his bag was there first. The flight attendant then grabbed the 2nd guy's bag out of the aisle and takes it to the back of the plain. The 2nd guy, upon seeing this, then stands up and yells to the first guy about what a jerk he is.

At this point, Flip Flop and I are thinking that a brawl is about to break out in the aisle. We were just trying to not make eye-contact with anyone and keep our heads down just in case.

After the 2nd guy's bag got wheeled to the back of the plane, the attendants then decided that the few bags that hadn't found a home in the overhead bins needed to be checked. As the attendant was wheeling the bags up the aisle, they were going so fast that they knocked Flip Flop's book out of her hand and proceeded to drag it up the aisle with the bag... and didn't even notice. Thank goodness someone up at the front of the plane was able to stop the bag long enough to free the book and return it to Flip Flop.

Needless to say, we were happy to get in the air and on our way...

Once in San Diego we went to go claim our bags. At the first baggage claim, the carousel was broken so we went to the next one and waited. Then they told us it would be on the 3rd one instead so we moved over there. Then it was back to the 2nd. At that point we decided to hang out between 2 and 3 because they couldn't seem to make up their minds which one our bags were going to come out on.

Flip Flop's bag showed up right away. Of course, she didn't tell me it was hers until it was almost by us and in my haste to grab it I almost got dragged onto the carousel. Mine didn't show up until much later.

But it showed. Thank goodness...

It's amateur hour...

2011-09-21T14:08:00.000-07:00

I swear the paper did not deserve my talent. Especially when they take something that I designed the hell out of and make it look like a 3rd grader got a hold of it.

Remember the project I hated more than life itself (TPIHMTLI)? Well I may have hated it, but I did make sure it looked really damn good by the time it left the building. And when I left the paper I left them months worth of templates to work with. It was idiot proof... or so I thought.

What the cover used to look like. Classy, clean, visually interesting...

What the cover looks like now. Crass, crowded and uninteresting...

I mean, what font is that they are now using at the top? And who slaps such visually uninteresting headers like that on a cover? And why the hell is the bar hanging out on either side? Wanna bet that the printed copy has those bars hanging out too?

*sigh*

They definitely didn't deserve my attention to detail and talent. Glad I'm now at a place that does appreciate the skills I have to offer...

I'm starting to not like Septmeber...

2011-09-20T12:07:00.000-07:00

Something about the last half of September just doesn't agree with me for some reason. Maybe it's because bad things keep happening after the 15th of September and right before my birthday... which is kinda crappy.

Farmer and I broke up in September (if you remember). RR and I are having major issues and it's September. School always started in September. Summer ends in September...

You get the idea...

September is just an icky month if you ask me.

Ouch...

2011-09-19T09:21:00.000-07:00

This weekend was filled with lots and lots of riding.

It started out Friday night when Hutch and I did a dressage lesson with a local trainer. I must admit that I went into the lesson kind of smug. After all, Flash and I have competed in dressage in the past. Nothing high level or super-fancy, but still... I thought we had the basics down pretty good. Wrong.

Flash and I have both gotten quite lazy over the past few years. It was painful for us both. He could only hold frame for a few strides before reverting to his previous way of going. And I didn't do much better. We both were sweaty, hot and very tired by the time the hour was up. Thank goodness that Hutch and Anna were there to split the time with us or we would have never survived.

This is going to be a weekly thing, so hopefully I can start to improve my riding throughout the winter. I haven't told Flash yet, though. He won't be pleased...

On Saturday, Jewel and I decided to branch out and see what trails we could find. We stumbled upon the Cline Butte Rec Area which has many trails just waiting for exploration. I can't believe what amazing riding I have right from my doorstep... it is fantastic. The only downside to that ride is that Flash and I were tired.

On the upside, I took the LL's dog with us and she did great... except for getting pooped on by a hawk.

DD having a good time on the trail...

Except for the hawk pooping directly on top of her head...

On Sunday, Hutch wanted to get her offspring out for a ride. I explained that Flash was not speaking to me and needed a day off. No problem, she had a youngster that needed some time out on the trail. OK, no biggie. The only problem we ran into was Commander (the offspring's horse) kept parking himself on every bush in site and scratching his itchy belly. Offspring was fine with it. Hutch would freak out a little when he started doing it. All-in-all everyone had fun and it was a good (if short) ride.

Later that day, I went out to Mags place to ride Storm and chit-chat with her. We had a great ride too, but by the time we got back I was sore all over.

There is no denying it. I'm getting older. And with my birthday just around the corner it's more apparent than ever...

In charge...

2011-09-16T11:23:00.000-07:00

The landlords are out of town for the next few days and have left me in charge. Silly them...

I am currently responsible for 4 dogs (2 mine, 2 theirs), 5 horses (2 mine, 2 theirs, 1 border), 1 goat (definitely not mine... noisy beast), 2 cows (theirs) and a number of random cats. It's quite the ménagère to try to keep track of.

I'm sure that everything will still be alive and kicking by the time they get back. I hope...

Far away...

2011-09-15T08:14:00.000-07:00

Heard this song this morning and it hit just a little too close to home...

Instant gratification vs. long-term satisfaction

2011-09-14T09:33:00.000-07:00

This is something I've talked about in the past, but it's always a good topic to revisit.

Wildflower has started dating someone new.

*wild applause*

I'm glad that she has left the hairy, inconsiderate bear behind and is moving forward. Her new guy, Coyote, is not someone she was head-over-heels with the instant she saw him but instead they cultivated a friendship first and their relationship has grown out of that.

They have been together for a little over a month now and still haven't slept together... which as you know, I see no problem with. They have chemistry but are not in a rush. Wildflower's friend, however, seems to think that just because she hasn't immediately jumped into bed with him that she's just not that into Coyote.

*rolls eyes*

People like this drive me nuts. This girl (can't call her a woman) thinks that great sex and having nothing in common is a great foundation on which to build a relationship. Uh huh. Sure.

However, those of us who have lived those relationships know better. Sex is a great perk, don't get me wrong, but it absolutely, positively cannot hold a long-term relationship together. It. Just. Can't. Sex is meant to be the icing on the cake... not the cake itself.

I'm glad that Wildflower is sticking to her guns and developing the parts of the relationship that allow it to be long-term versus just jumping into bed and not bothering with the rest. I think that's the only way to really make it work...

When good cereal goes bad...

2011-09-13T08:51:00.000-07:00

Is anyone else as disturbed by this commercial as I am?

It makes me wonder who looks at those story boards and then approves a commercial like this? Disturbing...

Personally, I don't think cannibalism and breakfast cereal really go together. But that's just me...

Two weeks...

2011-09-12T10:16:00.000-07:00

This can be considered a short time. Or it can feel like a lifetime. I guess it depends in what circumstance you're in as to how long (or short) 2 weeks really is.

On vacation? Too short...

Waiting to sort things out with your significant other? Way too long...

But that's what he asked for and that's what he's going to get. Am I happy about it? Not. Even. A. Little. But it's what he felt he needed and therefore it's the only thing I can do. If the situation were reversed, I would want him to respect what I felt I needed and not harass me about it...

But still... 2 weeks? Really?

*sigh*

It's not that I mind being independent or out of touch (for a little while). What I fear is that we'll both have way too much time to think. I think that is just as dangerous as not putting much thought in at all. And with no communication for the next while, I have nothing better to do than dissect what happened over and over again. There is no way to get confirmation or clarification while that is happening... which I think can be dangerous.

Not a good situation. And I'm not really seeing a good solution...

Reflections...

2011-09-09T09:58:00.000-07:00

As I am faced with the possible end of my current relationship (I hope not, but it's a 2 person thing and right now there is very little communication from the other side) I find myself looking back at not just this relationship but the ones that have come before.

Farmer remains my favorite ex. We fought long and hard to make sure that our friendship succeeded where we, as a couple, had failed and I love him for making the effort. It wasn't easy. At. All. And he could have told me to fuck off many times and never did. He's always been willing to pick up the phone and listen to me bitch and then show me a side of the problem that would have never occurred to me. He is one of my dearest friends... still.

The Biologist is a difficult relationship to sort out. I'm pissed he cheated (and that I didn't listen to my instincts) and that he wasn't straight up with me about it until much, much later. At the time, though, he was what I needed to get out of a bad marriage. So I'm glad about that. He also gave me confidence again. He's now engaged and doing well. I wish him the best...

Ex-hub is by far the most frustrating and difficult relationship to work out in my head. On paper, it was a great marriage. We had many good things going for us. Unfortunately, paper didn't match real life. As my sis once wisely said... you either grow together or grow apart. And we grew apart. Ex-hub felt that the wedding day was the finish line. After that, he figured he didn't need to put in any time or effort. And those of you who have long-term relationships know this not to be the case. It is work. It's like a garden. If you don't tend to what is planted and keep it growing, it withers and dies. And that is exactly what happened with us. With very long-lasting effects. There are feelings I still have about that whole situation that are unresolved.

And perhaps this is part of the problem with my current relationship. Old baggage resurfacing until I figure out a way to put it to rest, once and for all. Or maybe baggage never entirely goes away. It does become a part of who you are, after all...

As you can tell, my brain is all over the place. Jumping around hither and yon...

I guess I'm just tired. It's been 2 nights of very little sleep and I've never been so glad to see a Friday. Hopefully this weekend I can get a few things sorted out. We'll see...

Should vs. Actually...

2011-09-08T09:37:00.000-07:00

How my night should have gone:

Get off work. Pick up RR and drive over to Mags. Take a wonderful horseback ride. Snuggle and cuddle with RR. Sleep.

How my night actually went:

Get off work, kinda. Go to town for cocktails with the co-workers and chit-chat about work and other stuff. Come home to an empty house (RR and pups out walking). Get that uncomfortable feeling upon RR coming back that something isn't quite right (but ignore it). Read. Try talking to RR but end up bickering instead. Have bickering evolve into a full-blown meltdown (and then realize too late that sugar has definitely been introduced into RR's diet). Cry. A lot. Get maybe an hour of sleep.

Part not on the best of terms...

I have no idea what will happen now. Our relationship is in serious crisis. Can it survive? I'm not sure what the answer is to that just yet. What I would like is for RR to pull through to the other side of this so we can actually have a discussion about it. From what I'm hearing (and seeing) it's probably going to be a few days before that happens. And patience never was my strong suit...

I'm mad, sad, tired, frustrated and very scared. It's going to be a rough day. For both of us...

Nothing better...

2011-09-07T10:02:00.000-07:00

There are few things better in life than a great bf and a fabulous bff. Over the holiday weekend, I had both...

RR was already in town (and his car is, thankfully, working again) and Bff and her offspring wandered in on Saturday afternoon.

Before they got there, RR and I attempted a ride. I say attempted because we were only out about a 1/2 hour. I was riding the LL's (landlord) new horse, which was supposedly a very broke, kid-type horse. Um, no. He's not... And Flash, unfortunately wasn't helping matters. He was feeding off of Scoot's energy and getting all frisky too. So, RR was having no fun and neither was I. I had my hands full... and that's saying something. And then the bridle broke. I decided to dismount and just walk back. Seemed safer that way.

I'm bummed for LL because she thought they had a winner. And he's great from the ground... a perfect gentleman. Unfortunately, someone forgot to continue his education under saddle. She's trying to get back into horses after a long layoff and wanted something she could just hop on and ride. Scoot, unfortunately, is not it...

Anyway, on Sunday RR, Bff, her offspring and I decided to hit the river for a day of floating. It was a blast. But before we hit the river, we made a stop at Walmart first...

And found RR some new accessories...

Then it was off to the river. Bff and offspring decided to do the tubes...

Boy that water looks cold...

While RR and I stuck to the boat...

This is the life...

A duck came by to see if we had any nomzy stuff to offer her...

You have nothing? You people are worthless...

And after the first few times down the river, it started to get a little crowded...

It was like a traffic jam. Only with lots more drunk driving... or floating... or whatever.

RR had to use his special skills (and paddles) to navigate through traffic...

Yes, Birkenstocks count as paddles...

We thought there was food being freely offered on the river...

Turns out they're just cattails and not edible (really) at all...

We weren't the only ones finding interesting ways to paddle around town (and the river). Check out this party bicycle built for 14...

It even comes with a bartender to serve you libations as you peddle.

Now that's my kind of bike...

It was a good weekend. RR is still in town so we're going to load up the horses and head over to Mags to ride tonight. Should be a way better ride than we had on Saturday. At least, it'd better be. Or I'll kick Storm and Flash both...

Just add a little grass...

2011-09-02T14:08:00.000-07:00

Well, a lot of grass, actually...

He's starting to look like a horse...

Rather than a sad sack of bones...

And it's only been a week and a half. I haven't even started him on grain yet and already he's put on visible weight. Which, of course, just tells me that there is nothing wrong with him except his ex-owner. All he needs is food...

I also got a good pic of the fire that is still raging to the North and causing all sorts of problems.

A beautiful sunset but makes it hard to breathe...

Well, RR arrived in town last night. Unfortunately, his car did not arrive with him. It gave up the ghost with about 30 miles to go. He's out taking a look at it today and I'm hoping it will be an easy fix. Otherwise we might just be looking for a new vehicle for him. Soon...

I hope that extra 15 seconds you saved was worth it...

2011-09-01T08:31:00.000-07:00

For the most part, I'm lucky. I live in a pretty rural area north of Bend and work in a very rural area east of Bend. I get to skirt around most of the traffic and usually have a very uneventful drive to work...

Until I run into some asshat on the road trying to pass a long line of cars... coming from the other direction.

This happened to me this morning. Although typically I can see them coming and can slow down. This time, I popped over a small rise and there was a car trying to pass in my lane. I jerked my car onto the gravel shoulder (nearly losing control of my car) and barely missed getting hit head-on by the absolute asshat in my lane.

Needless to say, I just sat there a while regaining my composure. It was a very close call. I could have reached out and touched the hood of the car as it went by me.

I just don't understand why people do this. Maybe he (and it was a he) saved a few minutes of drive time, but at what cost? We could have both died... If I hadn't seen him in time, we probably would both be bloody smears on the road. I'm not sure which car would've won out. He was driving a mid-size Honda and I'm in the VW. I'm kinda thinking that all the airbags in the Bug would have given me a chance, but who knows?

Life is precious, people. Remember that. And I will try to, too...

Smoke, fire and no gas... oh my!!

2011-08-29T10:07:00.000-07:00

This weekend was an interesting one. I was supposed to go to the beach to see everyone and be with RR but financially it didn't make sense, so I ended up staying in Bend.

I miss RR, but it was nice to be able to ride all weekend too.

On Saturday, Flash and I got out early for a ride. For the first hour or so, it was great. Then the wind picked up and the smoke from the Northwest rolled in. Instead of beautiful mountain views to enjoy, we saw this...

Somehow it's just not the same...

And it only got worse as the day went on. After a few hours, Flash and I headed home rather than try to breath the smoke in.

Later that day, another thunderstorm rolled in and it started to rain.

Seems like a good time to stay inside and watch movies...

On Sunday morning, I woke up to more burning smells... only this time it wasn't coming from outside. I looked down at the floor and saw this...

Um, I'm pretty sure that's not how my laptop cord is supposed to look...

It ended up scorching the floor a little where it melted through the coating. I'm lucky it didn't burn down the house during the middle of the night. Needless to say, I was a little freaked out. Dying by fire is my worst fear.

After that, I loaded up Storm and headed over to Mags place for a ride out there. It was good ride except for two things... 1. Dusty decided to strike out at Storm while I was holding them both and hit me in the elbow instead (ouch) and 2. My horse didn't want to come home...

I have finally figured out my new mare. She wants to go... and keep on going. She was a perfect angle when we were heading away from the trailer. As soon as we made the turn for home she became a pill to ride. Away, good. Home, bad. I guess I should be grateful... maybe I've found my next endurance horse.

When we got back, it was hot so Mags and I headed down to the river to cool off. It was beautiful... until the next thunderstorm rolled in...

At that point we decided it was probably best not to be that close (or in) the water. But at least the wind and rain cleared out the smoke for a while. We could actually see the mountains again. Yay!!

Today, however, has totally been a Monday. I got up late. I made it out to the road before I remembered that my phone and breakfast weren't with me. The second time, I made it all the way into town and to the gas station before I realized that my purse wasn't with me. Oh crap, I left it in Mags car...

I quickly called her and told her to meet me at a Texaco half-way between us. With purse in hand now, I pulled up to the gas pump only to be told that their computers were down and they couldn't pump gas... and my tank was definitely on empty. I headed for the next closest station, which was 7 miles away. And made it... barely.

So, instead of getting to work at 8am, I got here at 8:45am. Definitely not the best start to the week...

But it's bound to get better. RR gets here on Thursday and Bff (with kids in tow) will be here Saturday. It should be a fun Labor Day weekend!!

Moving is expensive...

2011-08-25T14:16:00.000-07:00

Just in case any of you were thinking about moving let me just remind you that it's EXPENSIVE. Oh, I'll be fine financially come next week, but until then things are a tad lean.

I was planning on heading back to the coast to visit but that plan is scrapped... not just because of finances but also because I need to keep an eye on the new acquisition. He seems pretty happy to just stuff his face 24/7 with grass. I think I'll start him on a bit of grain and such too.

I'll be hauling Flash in to have his teeth done and when I do, I think I'll take Goodwin in and just have them give him the once-over to make sure there's nothing I'm missing before winter settles in here.

Slightly off-topic, but I'm curious what some of you think...

If a horse starves to death, is it the caretakers fault or the owner? Or both?

IMO, the owner is mostly at fault. But who can watch a horse starve to death and die of thirst and not do anything? The second the owner started being an asshat I would call ASPCA and have the situation monitored. If I couldn't afford to feed them myself, I would see who would be able to help out. And I would hold that owner responsible. Same if the caretaker is just taking your money (as an owner) and not giving your horse the care you're paying for. I think with the economic times and the droughts going on in different parts of the country, we'll be seeing more horrible starvation cases.

Goodwin had best remember how lucky he got and not be a pain in my butt. Just sayin'... :)

Goodwin McSpotty it is...

2011-08-24T10:05:00.000-07:00

The new equine has a name. Whinnington was too much of a mouthful. And Winston just doesn't quite fit. So it's Goodwin (for the fact that he is a very good boy and is a winner now that I have him) and McSpotty because he has 1 very small star on his forehead.

I went and picked him up last night. And even though he is barely halter broke, he led very nicely and stepped right into the trailer (the alfalfa in the manger probably helped with that a little). Once we got back home, he very nicely stood in the trailer and didn't call out once even though Flash and Storm were screaming their heads off.

Once I got in the trailer to offload him, he waited patiently while I got him turned around and then kinda fell off the trailer (guess he didn't see the step down). The stumble got the dogs going which frightened him but he was very respectful of my space and didn't try to jerk the rope out of my hands. He just trotted around me a couple of times while trying to keep an eye on the dogs.

Once I got him out to the pasture, he waited patiently (again) while I took the halter off even though Flash and Storm (again) were being idiots and running around like chickens with their heads cut off. He was still very foot sore, but once he figured out how soft the grass was he took off after them when I turned him loose. He has a very lovely trot and canter. And when I went out later he came up to the gate to get some love. I think he's going to be very easy to break out...

This morning when I went to check on him, he gave me a little neigh and came up to the fence to say hi. He looks much brighter today than he did a few days ago. I can't wait to see what he looks like when he starts to fill out...