The folks at the DMV hate me...

I am divorced. No really. I am. However, I didn't actually have that paperwork until just recently (that's another story for another day).

While I was waiting for that paperwork (for many years, it turns out) my driver's license expired. Well, it expired last October, but who's keeping track of these things? Anyway, I didn't want to get a new driver's license until I could get it in the proper name... my maiden name.

So last week, with paperwork from Idaho in hand, I went to the Redmond DMV. After waiting for what seemed like years it was finally my turn. When I got up there I handed her the divorce decree, a piece of mail that showed my current address and my birth certificate. She looked over the decree and then proceeded to tell me that I would not be getting a license in my maiden name because the State of Idaho had failed to fill in the line where it says Maiden Name.

Holy shit. Are you kidding me? I argued. I pleaded. I almost cried. This woman was completely unfazed by any emotion I threw at her. She was a pro...

So I walked out with no valid ID.

This morning, I decided to try again. This time I decided to go to Bend in the hopes that they may be a little more understanding of Idaho's tragic oversight in the paperwork.

I arrived promptly at 8am and was the 3rd in line. So far, so good. When it was my turn I approached the desk and was greeted by a very unpleasant 450+ pound man. The stool he was sitting on was completely engulfed by his butt. There had to have been 18" to 20" hanging over on each side.

It was totally like this...

Anyway, I handed him all the paperwork and told him I needed a driver's license. He perused the paperwork and then looked up at me and asked me if I had forged the divorce decree. Um, no. I didn't. See right there? That shiny sticker that makes it all official?

Well, you can buy those stickers anywhere, don't ya know.

Actually, no. I didn't. And why would I want to forge paperwork? It's not like I'm assuming an alternate identity. I'm going back to the name on my birth certificate. Yeah, that certificate right there. The one I just handed you.

*sigh*

Finally I just gave up and decided to just get an ID in my married (but not legal) name. And then he started to give me shit about that because it had expired so long ago. In my head, I totally lept over the counter and kicked him. On the outside, I totally kept my cool and just politely nodded while he ranted about my expired ID. Whatever dude. Just point me in the direction of the test-taking machine and turn me loose.

So, I am now the proud owner of a valid ID in the wrong name (according to Idaho).

I swear that the people who work at the post office and DMV are paying penance for wrong-doings in a former life. They must have been very bad. Even a dung beetle has it better off than those people...