Tuesday, May 8, 2012

It should be called "Sweaty Yoga"...

I did the unthinkable last night. I tried Hot Yoga...

I've been putting it off after reading this account of what a Hot Yoga class is really like. I must say, I was a little bit intimidated. Well, OK. A lot. I was a lot intimidated.

But I decided to press through my reservations and just go for it. Well, actually VH kept pestering me and wouldn't let it go and I couldn't put her off any longer. It was time to do it!!

*do it, do it, do it, do it*

I showed up in what I deemed to be appropriate attire... soccer shorts, sports bra (in a tasteful black) and a t-shirt. Everyone else around me was in actual yoga attire... very short, tight yoga shorts; very tight yoga tops; very tight, good-looking bodies.

Oh crap...

Right away I knew I was out of my league. First of all, the only thing tight on me was my ponytail. And a few minutes after walking into the hot room I had to loosen that up as well.

The heat didn't really bother me, but I realized right away I had too much clothing on. The t-shirt only lasted about 2 minutes. Good thing I had on my tastefully black sports bra. And even though my whole body was a pasty white color, I didn't care. If I could have ditched the shorts and done it in my underwear, I would have (unfortunately for me I was wearing a very ugly pair that would have scarred people's eyes and left permanent damage).

More clothes = more heat = bad. Good tip for next time.

So first up was breathing exercises. You were supposed to breath in through your nose (which was not feasible given the smell in the room) and then make obnoxious noises while exhaling through your mouth. Mostly I was just panting. I don't think the teacher was impressed. And of course I was surrounded by perfect yoga people doing exactly what the lady on the podium was telling them to do. Show offs...

Then came the poses. Mostly they consisted of putting body parts where body parts ought not to be. Like your heel up your ass. Or twisting your arm out of your socket and grabbing some part of your leg. Mostly I just tried to kind of put the corresponding body part in the approximate location... while looking in the mirror and focusing on not falling over.

As a side note: after looking at myself in the mirror that much (with very little on) I've decided that I need a tan. Or at least some self-tanner. I am the color of the underbelly of a halibut. Nothing looks good that color. Not even the halibut...

Then it was time to lay on the mat and do poses on the ground... which was pretty gross because by this time my towel was completely soaked in sweat. Also, I have no idea what those poses were because once I got on the ground, sweaty towel and all, I really didn't move again. But I did make it to the end of the class without fleeing the room in terror. I count that as a win.

Once I was outside breathing actual air again I was told by several of the over-achievers that it gets easier as you continue to do it. Easy for them to say... they're not trying to heave all my flab around.

However, I will give it another try. Why? I don't know...


  1. As an even flabbier, even whiter person, I totally sympathize. It's miserable and all, but somehow, it feels like it ought to be accomplishing SOMEthing. See you there!

  2. I get so hot I almost heatstroke out doing NORMAL yoga. I will never in a million years try deliberately hot yoga. You're braver than me!

  3. Shawna, tonight will be an adventure.

    Funder, I am a glutton for punishment. I love saunas and hot tubs...

  4. I do piyo (pilates and yoga combined). in a not hot on purpose room. I sweat like a whore in church and have considered laying on the mat like I was dead.

    Ive been going for a few months now and "those people" are right. It does get easier. It may have gotten easier because i have figured out where to shove my fat in the poses. ;)

  5. I'm hoping that I figure out where to shove my fat tonight... lol

  6. Wearing a tank top with a shelf bra instead of an exercise bra helped with the laying on my belly poses. :-) But regarding your title, I don't think "sweaty" begins to cover it. Sweaty is what you get when you eat spicy food or run up the stairs or something. What happens at Bikram is more like "waterfalls cascading from every pore and stinging your eyes and getting up your nose" yoga.