When the ex-hub and I first got together, we used to do a lot of stuff together... we played soccer, went golfing, watched sports and hung with the fam quite a bit. I had this alternate life that included my horse Flash, but I was OK with having that be a separate thing. He was supportive for the most part and we had other things in common... or so I thought.
As time went on, we seemed to go our separate ways. Getting ex-hub out to play soccer became a frustrating prospect, he gave up golf because he was always pissed about the fact that he didn't play well, we moved away from family and getting him out of the house to do anything was like pulling teeth. I became a married single person. Everything we were invited to I went to alone... making excuses for why he wasn't there. Oh, and let's not forget our sex life... we were like married roommates. Every time I tried to get him interested he completely checked out on me. It wore on my self-esteem and I was very unhappy.
Now that I'm not in any relationship at all, I wonder if I am OK with being alone single? This is the question that my mom proposed to me this morning. And I must say that I had to stop and really think about it. Ex-hub and I had a lot of good times, and as friends we work out wonderfully (probably better for me than for him, though).
At least now I have the dream of finding everything I want... someone not just to share space with, but someone to share life with. And that means all aspects of life... good and bad.
So, as I gaze to the sky and wonder what the universe will bring me next, I take comfort in the fact that everything I want could be just around the corner. It's not probable... but at least it's possible.
Crewing Vermont Moonlight
2 days ago