Saturday, April 18, 2009

Relationships.... déjà vu all over again?

After a particularly bad break-up, it's normal to want to sift through the wreckage to see what went wrong. Not to say that the break-up from The Biologist was that nasty, but the urge is still there.

Was it me? Was it him? Was it the butterfly effect? Someone breathed wrong on the other side of the planet that resulted with The Biologist and I saying good-bye to one another. I'd like to think that relationships are a little more teflon coated than that, but who can say?

With him, I thought I had it all. Looking back, I've had that same feeling with quite a few people. Am I just the hopeful optimist that is forever putting on those rose-colored glasses, overlooking what should have been obvious signs? Now, looking back, it seems there were quite a few signs that I ignored. Stuff that I think would have been a red flag with anyone else.

For instance, he was a previous cheater. And not just a little bit. And cheating is something that is absolutely non-negotiable! Someone cheats on me and they do not get a second chance... period. At least, that's been my philosophy in the past. Why did I ignore that now? Did I think that he was just foolish in his youth and had changed? Do cheaters ever change? It seems like once a cheater, always a cheater. But the hopeful optimistic in me wanted to believe.

What is non-negotiable in your relationships? What are the things that you just cannot or will not put up with? And have you overlooked the warning signs because you thought maybe this time would be different?


  1. I'm 18, and young. I know it, and I'm happy to be so young. However, I have a few things I have as a MUST if i'm going to look for a potential life mate. Not someone to date and have a good time with.. the one in for the long haul. If its that guy, he's gonna be a cowboy, has to be. Or else, It ain't happenin'. He has to have a good relationship with his parents and WANT a relationship with my family. Those are my two big ones... but like i said, young... don't need to think about it all that much.

  2. You are right about the cowboy part, lil pony. Made that mistake with the ex-hub... not a horse guy. The Biologist was, but still wasn't enough to save it. LOL

  3. Howdy! Interesting blog. Do cheaters change...they can, depends on why they general probably not but I have been married to a reformed one for 10 years and have no suspicions of his doing anything. Why not, well, because he's really happy. And he's open. I can ask about anything, we'll discuss it to whatever point either of us wants, digest it, and move on.

  4. Oh, found you through WWHM too. Just caught my eye. Hope the job search looks up soon for you. I can understand the fiscal side of needing to be employed. I've a few horses of my own, and the assortment of critters that comes with the farm.

  5. I think he was a cheater because he liked the illusion of freedom... he and his then-girlfriend were doing the on-again, off-again thing and he was sleeping with a friend of his and his roommate at the same time. So not sure if this one will change or not.

  6. Jealousy and controlling are two things I will not put up with. If either of those are in play, trust is not there. And a healthy relationship must be built on trust and respect.

    (of course, this maybe why I am single :))

    As far as cheaters... they can change but YOU CAN NOT change them.