Wednesday, July 25, 2012


I got a text message the other day that completely caught me off guard.

The general gist was: if you don't have happy things to say then I really don't want to hear from you. The text was more extensive than that, but the core was that. I said that basically she was asking to be downgraded from a friend to an acquaintance. Her response? Different is not less... I hope it brings us closer.

I've been sitting on that letting it marinade for the last 2 days and my opinion hasn't changed. True, different is not less in some instances. However, in this instance it is. If I'm not picking up the phone to share the hardships and trials I'm having in my life, then you certainly are not on the list of people I call when things are going great. That's just the way it is...

You either hear both or you hear nothing. After all, life is about balance. You don't get to benefit from one side of the relationship without being available for the other side.

I'm hoping she'll decide on a different stance. If not, there's not much I can do. For now, I'm just pretty sad about it.


  1. I don't know you, and I didn't read the text, so I don't know if this will add any perspective.

    I have a friend -- a friend I like a lot. We used to talk almost daily. But she was a complainer. She hated her job, what she did, her boss, being broke. She was sick, her grandmother was sick, her kid was misbehaving. She used me to vent constantly -- and she never took steps to fix any of the problems.

    I didn't cut her out, but I stopped making myself available. I would talk until she started to complain, then I had to go. When her grandmother died, I listened. When she was ranting because she hated her job, I didn't.

    There came a point where she made changes. SHe stopped complaining and started taking action. We talk more now. I listen when she talks about her challenges, because she's also talking about the SOLUTIONS -- and she's taking steps to accomplish those solutions.

    Negativity is infectious. I don't allow negative people in my life. That doesn't mean I don't allow people with problems in my life -- it means I don't let people routinely complain and play the victim. Honestly, I don't think supporting that behavior is being a very good friend.

    Like I said -- I don't know you, so I don't know what she's reacting to. It may have nothing to do with you. It may be that she's going through something really serious and is trying to minimize ALL negativity so she can focus on her own healing.

    1. I hear what you're saying, but I'm not a complain with no action type of person. The people who are my close friends are great at providing a different perspective. And I was always there to listen to her problems when she was in what she considered a dead-end job and would do nothing about it. I understood that she needed to say something about it but needed the job to make ends meet. The only reason anything changed is because they went out of business.

      So, if that is her reasoning, then that's hardly a fair position. Kettle calling the pot black and all that...

      Plus, her bad job juju went on for years... I've only had issues the last 2 months or so.

  2. Maybe the question to ask is what you are getting from the friendship? It is hurtful to be rejected but maybe this is better for you as well?
    Pony Girl