Tuesday, June 22, 2010

Mirror, mirror on the wall...

It has been brought to my attention that I keep harping on the same faults of ex-hub. And this is true... I do. I'm still frustrated over some things that have gone on between us. However, this has caused me to reflect on my own culpability. No one person is ever the single cause of a break-up... and I have some serious 'fessing up to do.

As previously mentioned, my management of 'ships needs some work. Friendship, great. Relationship... not so much. Again, I ask why. Again, I have no answer to that question. But it needs work. I need to basically be able to have a friends with benefits type of scenario... but monogamous. At least, that's how I need to approach it in my mind.

Yeah, I'll work on that...

Secondly, I need to not be so reactionary. Every little nuance does not need to be studied ad nauseum for the hidden meaning behind it. Perhaps "I'm fine" means just that... he's fine. Again, not an easy thing for me but it does tie into the first problem. I don't do that with my friends... just my relations... go figure.

I think my last major hang-up is my self-confidence. Slowly, but surely, it's coming back. Being here alone at the coast has gone a long way to helping out with that. I just need to keep working on the positive and let the negative go. Period.

You know, past is past and all that...


  1. I think you DO have answers to your questions. Right here in your blog. You said it right here in this very post. You want a friend with benefits. You don't seem to want to actually care for/about someone else. Yet you want the "partner" to put you first and foremost above all. Doesn't that seem one-sided, uneven, and unfair?

  2. I think you misunderstand what my problem is. As soon as I decide I'm in a relationship I get VERY possessive and start to make even small things into a big deal. It becomes one-sided but on my end, not theirs. I focus ALL of my attention on them and give them no room to breathe. What I would like is that feeling of partnership without smothering the other person. I am like this with my friends... so the challenge is how to maintain that healthy balance and still have the partnership and intimacy of a relationship...

  3. And I think your problem is much bigger.

    In short I think that while you may feel love for your partner(s), you don't show/express it. You don't make them feel special, cared for, valued, and worth your efforts. They get nothing back from you (besides your possesive obsession).

    You are only focused on yourself, which is ok if you want to stay single. But if you want a partner in a good relationship, you have to focus on him, too. You have to give as well as get. You should WANT to.

    BTW, I already wrote about this in my comment to your "Ships" post.

    I wish you well and am rooting for you.