Things on my mind...

Let's start with Flash. I went out and took some pics of him last night so I could do comparisons. I'm having a hard time seeing any change in him right now, which is a bummer.

Not only do I have my own guilt to deal with, but the neighbor up the road felt compelled to stop by and tell me how horrible I am for starving my horse (he was standing knee-deep in hay as we were speaking). I tried to explain to this person all that I have been doing to try to figure out why he is losing weight so rapidly, but none of that seemed to matter. In the end, I ended up in tears and he walked away threatening to call the ASPCA. On top of that, Flash didn't finish his grain. It was not a good night.

So, here are the pictures... let me know if you see a difference. I'm too close to it to really see anything at this point.

Last week...

This week...

Last week...

This week...

OK, on to the next thing on my mind... the house.

Don't get me wrong. I'm glad the house is sold and that I don't have to worry about how the mortgage was going to get paid, are the renters going to trash the place, etc., etc. 

On the other hand, that was kind of like my savings. I put so much into our first house, which allowed us to buy this house and now it is sold and I made... nothing. My savings (and any hope, thereof) is gone. Not only that, but the last tie to ex-hub is also severed... and that is making me kind of sad, as well. Not because I want that type of relationship back... but it is still sad. 

It's like I'm mourning that break-up all over again. 

I'm in a funk.

Normally, when I'm in a funk I ride. But I have a sick horse, so no riding. 

Somehow I will need to just pull out of this one on my own. Wish me luck...

Which is more important...

Time or money?

I had an interesting discussion with my friend Alaska last night. His wife is asking for a trial separation, which does not make him happy.

He works a difficult schedule... 4 weeks on, 4 weeks off. I can't imagine that having him gone 4 weeks at a time is good for any relationship where any type of intimacy is important. Plus, she is tired of living way out in the middle of nowhere. She wants to be closer to humanity than she is to wildlife... not sure I blame her on that one.

His side... he makes great money and has many investments and connections where he is. He can't just pick up and move.

I see this same problem where Farmer is concerned. He's heading out this weekend to meet up with a girl that he met online. The problem? She lives about 7 hours east of his current location. So, if they hit if off, then what? I'm pretty sure he's not in any position to just pick up and move, either. And that is quite the commute for a LD relationship.

So, it comes down to time or money? Both Alaska and Farmer love what they do and make good money at it. But they both work incredibly long and hard hours. Farmer is MIA from May until September (if he's lucky). Alaska is gone every 4 weeks. Both of those schedules make it tough to have any type of time to commit to anything.

For both, I don't think it's undoable... but it would take a very specific type of person and relationship to accommodate that type of schedule I think. The little things would really count. And there would have to be understanding on both sides because you know frustration would crop up eventually.

After seeing what Farmer's schedule has been like this year, I didn't give him nearly enough credit while were together last year. He made a monumental effort to spend time with me, but I didn't see it for what it was. I was an idiot.

Yes, I know... I am admitting my mistake. Everyone, please, just remain calm... Thank you.

I am hoping he finds someone who appreciates him way better than I did... I have high hopes for him this weekend, even if he is remaining neutral on the subject...

After all... what are friends for? We root for you when you don't dare root for yourself...

Update...

The house is sold...

Didn't make any money on it. But didn't lose any either...

Hormones suck...

I decided to flee the doom and gloom (read that "fog") of the Oregon coast and hang at the parental's this weekend. I was supposed to go do a poker ride with Flash, but since he's not doing that great that option was out. I figured this was a good alternative.

My parents already had plans to be in Seattle this weekend, so I called Bff and let her know I was coming to town and told her to have her daughter invite some friends and come swim in the pool. It was fun watching all the kids have such a great time and I got a not-so-healthy dose of Vitamin D. Even with spf30 sunscreen on I still burnt my shoulders. Drat!

I also got a call from ex-hub and the vet yesterday...

The vet: all the other bloodwork came back normal. Crap!! Now what? Of course I called my consultant (Farmer) who told me to relax and wait and see if what I'm already doing is working. Sure, easy for him to say... his animals aren't wasting away in front of him. But, I will do what I'm told and take a chill-pill... or I will try, anyway.

Ex-hub: An offer came in on the house but it was almost $20,000 less than what we were asking. We countered at the break-even point so I hope they take it. I would love for that albatross to not be around my neck anymore.

The bad part about the offer? It seems as though I won't be recouping any of the money I put into the house. I was at least hoping to get something out of it so I could get into the new place I found...

Oh yeah, I found a place.

It's 3 times the size, a block closer to the beach but in the same neighborhood and is the same price. I want that place bad!! But, of course I need to figure out how to get the deposits done...

And I need to get my stress levels down... STAT.

For the first time since college I'm breaking out in hives due to stress. This is not good... I look like an alien.

And of course, I'm PMSing. Why not? The timing couldn't be better...

Last time this week. I promise...

OK...

The good news is that Flash is eating all of the tasty treats I'm putting in front of him... even going so far as to lick the feed tub when he's done.

The bad news is that he fills up on the grain, rice bran and oil and then eats a few bites of hay and walks away. I have a horse, that when he is full, isn't interested in food... and he's been like that since he was a baby. He'd rather go grab a nap (a sentiment I can totally understand, by the way).

So now comes the fun job of balancing the treats with the hay. Too much of the treats and the hay goes to waste. Too little and he's not getting the amount of calories I'd like him to be consuming.

What a PITA this is. I'm going to start taking weekly photos so I can see if there is any improvement. I'll post them as I do. Tonight I'll take a "baseline" photo and add it to this blog later. When you see it, please don't report me to the ASPCA. I'm doing everything I can to stop the weight loss and get him back at a healthy weight.

Also, nothing new from the vet. I think the follow-up blood tests are supposed to be in on Monday. Maybe they will tell us something that I have missed...

UPDATE:

Here are some pics... hopefully next week I will see some improvement...

OCD much?

I'm worried.

A few weeks ago I wrote about the small bout of colic that Flash was having. After walking him out for a few hours he seemed to be fine. But since then he has been losing weight. This makes me very concerned... considering the fact that he's never really been a fat horse to begin with.

If this were Elmo, I'd be celebrating. He can get morbidly obese. On air.

Can not. And I really don't like the nickname "Hoover Vacuum" either...

  

So I took Flash in and had a blood and fecal panel run. Both came back normal.

He has hay at his feet 24/7. He is slick and shiny but is still losing weight. I have put him back on grain and have added Rice Bran and oil to top dress the grain. 

On Farmer's advice I am doing a 7-day sand purge, just in case. It was sandy out at Farmer's and I do live at the coast. So maybe that might be the problem? 

Also, even though I just dewormed him, I'm going to hit him again with a different type that also attacks tape worms. Again, just in case.

But I'm worried. Perhaps even a little obsessive about it. But I can't help it. He's my baby. And he's only 13 (well, he will be 13 on August 15th). My point is that he's still in his prime. This should not be happening. The vet is running further tests on the blood. I guess we'll see what that yields.

In the meantime, I will just continue to pour the groceries to him in the hopes that he'll start gaining some of the lost weight back. 

ARG... I hate it when one of my kids is sick!!

Just Chuck-It®

Noelle's new favorite toy is the Chuck-It®, courtesy of Wulfe. If you are unaware of what that is, it's the best invention in the history of man-kind... ever.

The best invention ever. Period.

With this brilliant device, you never have to touch a slobbery ball to play fetch with your canine ever again. Did I mention how much I love this thing?

Daisy, on the other hand, not really understanding the game of fetch (aka "dumb-ball") and all it's detailed intricacies, is not very impressed.

Meh... What's the big deal? If you ask me, it's stoopid...

You are dead to me...

I shall adopt this Chuck-It® ball instead.

So last night we went out to the beach to play with the Chuck-It®.

You are not throwing the ball far enough... you can still see me.

Well, Noelle played. Daisy just tackled her every once in a while for good measure then went back to sniffing anything and everyone interesting.

Look mom, I got the ball.

No, you can't have it back. MINE.

Ball? What ball? I don't see any ball?

Oooooohhhhh. This ball, you mean? The one I'm laying on?

Kfine. You can have it... but only if you throw it again.

All in all, it was a good time. And I never once had to touch a slimy, slobbery ball. Yes!!