I would just kill myself...

RR can't have any milk products. I mean none. No butter. No milk. No ice cream. No cheese (of the cow or sheep variety. Goats for some reason are OK. Don't ask me. I don't get it either).

Not only that. He can't have sugar either!!

OMG... just kill me now. I would die without milk and sugar. Die. Seriously.

I'm not sure how he does it. My whole life right now revolves around frappés from Micky D's. I've been trying to quit, but those things are (as my sis puts it) the "devil's brew". And really, really yummy. Did I mention that?

The devil's brew. Can't wait to have another...

The good news for me is I don't have to share desserts. The bad news for my waistline is I don't have to share desserts. 

RR does, however, live vicariously through his nose. All of my nummy items that are off the menu for him get a good sniffing. Sometimes for what feels like hours. But I feel obligated to be a good gf and at least let him do this... even though the sniffing goes on so long sometimes that I am afraid he will lose his nose to my voracious appetite. 

(maniacally devouring brownies) Oh sorry... was that your nose?

Maybe a nose guard isn't a bad idea. We don't want loss of a sniffer. That would be sad...

Awkward silence...

Tomorrow is the last day that CPSL has to get my deposit refund to me. When I spoke to him before Christmas, he assured me then that I'd have the check within the next week or so...

I didn't hold my breath. Wisely...

However I really need the money now (thanks to a snafu by ex-hub that I won't rant about yet) and so I decided to give CPSL a call yesterday afternoon to see when I could actually expect said check to arrive.

My first surprise was that he actually answered the phone. Oh good. At least he's not dodging my calls... yet. So we chit-chatted for a moment. He lamented over the fact that he was on his way to Salem for a root canal (karma's a bitch, I know) and I just tried to play nice while I rolled my eyes. Then I asked about the check. My exact words: So, when can I come and pick up that check?

Dead silence.

I thought for a moment he had hung up on me. Then he said that he would rather talk about that when he gets back into town.

Huh. Either you have it or you don't. Why do you need to be "back in town" to discuss money that is rightfully mine over the phone again? I'm confused...

But I decided to let him off the hook for now. I asked him when he would be "back in town" and then told him I would call him back. Thanks for putting up with me he says as he rapidly clicks off. I wonder if he'll still be thanking me when I sue him and put a lien on his house? Which he's trying to sell...

So, that was a fail. No money on the way yet. Damn...

After that phone call I decided to call CACL about the dryer and the water heater. Figured as long as I was on a roll I would just go for broke...

So, I got him on the phone and asked him about the dryer first. Well, he thought that the breaker was wired for a 40 amp breaker. Come to find out, it's not. Shocking, I know. So, it won't be until this weekend when he has a chance to get an electrician out there to fix that. OK, fine. So, for now I have to keep walking around the house and flipping that breaker in order to get a load of wash dried. My question is: did the previous tenets not have a dryer? I mean, this is just crazy. But whatever. Supposedly it'll be fixed this weekend...

I then brought up the fact that I had talked to a certified home inspector (El Dub) about the hot water heater being split into two breaker boxes with no phases (whatever the hell those are) and that it was very dangerous. At first, CACL tried to argue with me and say that it was just fine and that there was no danger whatsoever. So then I asked if I could have my dad take a look at it when he came by this weekend (small, white lie) and CACL freaked out about that. He told me no, that my dad would just try to fix it. I explained to him that he wouldn't try to fix it but I wanted to make sure that, you know, my house wasn't about to burst into flames or some such thing. CACL then informed me that they were taking out the water heater and giving each unit it's own tankless water heater that would be run on gas. OK, now we're talking... Gas is way cheaper here than electric. Works for me...

I have no idea if that was his plan all along or not, but either way it's a win for me. And CACL just called me to tell me that we are on the schedule for the tankless installation.

I can't wait to be able to take long, hot showers again. Now if he fixes my dryer this weekend all will be well. I'll be pretty thrilled to do a load of laundry that doesn't take 3 days because I keep forgetting that I have to go flip the breaker switch.

And maybe then my laundry won't smell like it molded...

It's unprecidented...

My taxes are done. I know!! I'm as shocked as you are. Trust me.

The best part? I get a refund. And because I have been audited for all the years they can audit, I am free and clear and get to keep my refund.

(shocked gasp)

It's not much... a few hundred bucks. But it'll be the start to a savings account. I haven't had one of those since early last year. And even though I will continue to live paycheck to paycheck, I at least will have some sort of safety net to rely on now.

Plus, I gotta start saving for my sis's wedding. BooBoo and her hbf got engaged over Christmas and are now trying to decide where they should have their wedding. A few ideas were San Diego, Tahoe, a Caribbean Cruise (my personal favorite), Thailand... you get the idea. I wonder which one they will decide on? No matter where they go, it will be so exciting to see my sis get married!!

Can't wait. For my refund and the wedding...

Why, yes... he is well trained, isn't he?

I'd like to take all the credit. I really would. However, that would be wrong. Very, very wrong. Because I actually haven't put any effort into it. He just kinda came that way.

Who am I speaking about? No, no. Not Elmo. Or even Flash...

I'm talking about RR, of course...

Let me tell you, well-trained boyfriends are hard to find. And I seem to have hit the jackpot!!

Yesterday was a tough day because they let Dizzy go, so I was doing the work of two people. Around 2pm I got a call from RR asking me if I wanted lunch brought by. Why, yes. Yes I would. And the best part? I didn't even have to ask. He just offered. It was awesome.

Not only that, but this one knows how to communicate. I'm not sure if that part is training or just inherit in his DNA, but either way it's a win for me. I had forgotten that relationships don't have to actually, you know, be work. That it can, in fact, be easy. And really, really enjoyable.

Score one for the good guys...

Things that make you go hmmmmmm...

So, RR talked to CACL on Saturday about the water heater and the dryer issues. CACL assured him that the water heater bill was being split between the two units because one "leg" of the wiring was running to her box and one to mine. Uh huh... I see.

That sounded pretty bullshit to me, but I decided to ask El Dub what he thought since he's a certified home inspector (and my dad). After he wiped away the tears of laughter he told me that if that was indeed the case that I needed to tell him to fix it ASAP. Very dangerous, he said.

Very dangerous, you say? Hmmmm... not good. He's not going to like the message I'm about to leave one bit... which will also include the reminder that the dryer issue is still, you know, an issue.

The other bit of disturbing news is that they let my co-worker, Dizzy, go on Friday. I know she's in a full panic as to what to do. Like me, she moved here to take the job and I'm really bummed that the company felt the need to eliminate her position...

Just makes you go hmmmmmm.... wonder who's next? Apparently this is not a company that feels any sort of loyalty to it's employees.

Nothing like feeling you are utterly expendable...

(sigh)

But, let's end on a good note, shall we? It's El Dub's birthday today...

And you are the coolest dad, ever!!

Screw you and the horse you rode in on...

OK... I'll admit it. I'm a tad cranky. Things are still not squared away at the house... The dryer keeps tripping the breaker still. The hot water is spotty, at best. The electric bill is OOC (out of control) and I'm stressed out about my truck and trailer and where it's permanent parking spot is going to be since the jackass next door won't let me park it in the very empty lot. Oh, and still no money from CPSL and the deal for Aspen fell through.

(deep, long suffering sigh)

But, despite all this I had one bright spot in my sad, little life. OK, fine. Two. RR is always a bright spot, but that doesn't count. I'm talking about the horse drill team I had met up with this summer. They finally called and wanted me to join the team and I was very excited to finally find a riding group here on the coast. Finally.

So, on Saturday I filled up my truck tank (at a whopping $3.17/gal) and then proceeded to defy death by driving up a very narrow "highway" to a town called Siletz. If you know it, then you also know it's another 4 miles once you've passed hell. Seriously. It took a hell of a long time to get there and it's only 28 miles away from my humble little coastal town.

When I showed up I was berated for not showing up on time. Of course, not one of those bimbos warned me that it was a death-defying drive where the top speed is around 25mph. And even though MapQuest assured me it would take only 34 minutes it took more like an hour.

So right off the bat I wasn't impressed with this group, but I decided that I was there and I might as well saddle up and ride. But first I had to park. I was told to pull up along a gravel road which had grass bordering it. So I did. But, of course, being the type that doesn't want to hog the road, I pulled over to the side so people could get by, which put my wheels on the grass about an inch. The lead bimbo came running up to tell me that I was ruining her grass but that it was fine "this one time". Again. Not impressed. At. All. But I was there and I wanted to ride.

So, I pulled Elmo out of the trailer and got him saddled up. Then I grabbed my bridle and proceeded to walk over to the arena. I stood by the gate to let Elmo get accustomed to the arena and so I could see what type of riders I was dealing with. While I was standing there, the LB (lead bimbo) rode over and asked me, quite rudely, if I needed help getting the gate open. I wanted to slap her off her horse. Instead I just put on a smug smile and politely informed her that I thought I could manage the gate all by myself. I think the dripping sarcasm was lost on her...

Once Elmo and I got riding it got better. Mostly because of the fact that I could ride on the opposite side of the arena away from LB. But once the practice got started both Elmo and I had to put up with LB ramming her idiotic horse into us. Elmo finally got fed up and bit her horse on the ass. Worked for me. I was wishing he would bite his rider in the ass too... but I haven't figured out how to train that quite yet. Sure would've been handy...

Then my horse did the unthinkable!! He pooped. In. The. Arena. OMG...

LB about had a coronary. After all, it's her precious arena he just pooped in. And all I can think while this is going on is that these people are bat-shit crazy. It's an arena. They are horses. Poop is gonna happen. It's not like the footing was this amazing stuff that had to be maintained. It was SAND. Seriously. Sand. And not even special sand. Just... sand.

At that point practice was over and I couldn't get off 'Mo and unsaddled fast enough. While I was unsaddling at my trailer, LB came over and informed me that it would cost me $5 for the privilege to ride in her arena... oh, and she made sure to tell me that that was a reduced rate because I was there as part of the drill team.

My head exploded. Right. There. All over her precious grass.

As I was driving home I decided to chalk the whole experience up to me PMSing and decided to give it one more try. They were doing practice every other Saturday. However, yesterday I got a phone call from LB informing me that she needed my address so she could send me the rider requirements since I didn't seem to meet them in the first practice. Excuse me?

At that point I was done. I didn't return the call. However, LB is persistent. She called again today. And I couldn't help myself... I had to know what else she could possibly say to make herself sound even more stupid.

And, boy, was I in for a treat...

She was calling to tell me about all the work I needed to do in order to "try out" in the spring for their "elite" team... even though they can't get just 4 riders to commit to riding. Gee, I wonder why?

I almost peed myself trying not to laugh. And told her, politely, to stick it where the sun doesn't shine. And then hung up on her.

End of story. Or so I thought...

LB then called a few hours later. This time I didn't pick up. She left a message saying how she wanted to inform me of their "strict" standards and that she didn't mean to hurt my feelings. My head hit the desk so hard I actually knocked myself out.

If LB had been able to ride at all, I might understand their "strict" standards. But seeing that she couldn't even ride a straight line I'm thinking that their standards aren't as high as LB thinks they are. That woman was a bitch. No other way to say it.

Needless to say, I won't be returning that phone call or bothering to ride with them ever again...

Something stinks around here...

And it's not my dishes.

OK, it's not just my dishes.

As I have previously mentioned I now live in a duplex. And I've been having issues with a few things... namely the water heater. When I take a shower, I don't like to rush. I want to have time to stand around and bask under the hot (very hot) water. Is that too much to ask?

Lately my showers have been averaging around 10 minutes. This is barely enough time to wash my hair... let alone condition it. Not to mention that there is body washing and shaving to be done. Sheesh. I need more time!!

So last night RR came over to check the elements to see if they were working. He went outside to the breaker box and started flipping switches because, of course, nothing is actually marked. That would be too easy. So, in the process of throwing switches on my breaker box, my neighbor opened up her kitchen window and informed us that we had turned off her kitchen lights and appliances.

Excuse me? Did I hear you correctly? Are you telling me that I'm paying the electric bill for your kitchen?

But wait... it gets better.

She then also informed me that she doesn't have a hot water heater in her half of the duplex. We share one. That I also pay for. Holy shit. That is not right!!

There is about to be a "come to Jesus" meeting with the landlord... who we will now be referring to as CACL (CheapAssCrazyLandlord). Did he think I wouldn't find out? But it does explain a few things...

I now know why my electric bill for 16 days was over $70. And I also now know why he flipped out on the return message when I had called to find out where the breaker box was (since it wasn't immediately apparent). He knows I know about landlord tenant laws. And it's not going to end well for him if this doesn't end up with a reduction of my rent or making things right or both. I am not paying for someone else's use of electricity... especially now that they've hiked up the rates by 14%.

And the other thing that is really pissing me off (that started the whole breaker box incident) is that every time I use my dryer it trips the breaker it is on. So, you just know that it's not wired to actually, you know, run a dryer. That's going to get fixed ASAP too. If I have start breaking kneecaps it will be done.

Let's see... do I know anyone that breaks kneecaps? I'm sure I do. Hey, Farmer... want some contract work?

Well, at least the gas fireplace works and heats the house really well.

Plus Queen Daisy loves it. 

If she could crawl into the fire I think she would...

Hopefully I can get this all straightened out fairly quickly. I will try the "nice guy" approach first and see how that goes.

If CACL knows what's good for him, he'll get this sorted out quickly. The sooner the better...