Despite having the drive home from hell on Sunday night/Monday morning and then working a 12 or 13 hour day, I'm up at the butt-crack of predawn again (thanks Farmer... this is totally your doing). My neck feels like it has been vice-gripped and my range of motion is limited to a 1/2 inch side to side and down. I really need to stretch it back, but that is a no-go right now. Neck pain is the worst.
Anyway, I figured that since I was up I might as well get in the shower and see if the hot water could take some of the stiffness out. I'm standing there with my head down letting the water do it's magic when out of the corner of my eye I catch movement.
I am not alone...
There, scampering along the wall, is a spider. I HATE spiders. And of course he is headed down the wall and into the tub where he could possibly touch me. Completely unacceptable.
To discourage this move, I flick some water his way. He (or she... tough to tell unless it's a black widow. And I'm happy to report that it wasn't) He stops in his tracks and decides that it is far to wet now to continue and starts to make his way back up the wall (good spider). To encourage that movement, every time he hesitates I flick a little more water. Pretty soon he is up on the shelf with the shampoo seeking refuge. Good spider. Stay!!
But it got me wondering. To him the water droplets must have seemed monumental. I'm pretty sure he wasn't aware that I was the one flicking it at him. To him it was just "something" and he took the hint and got the hell out of dodge. Disaster averted and he lives to see another day. Makes me wonder if this isn't true for us as well?
I personally believe that there is something out there. Call it what you will. He (or She) goes by many names to many different people. I just call it the universe. I would dive in way deeper but that's like 400 posts. Suffice it to say that I believe and for now that's what I call it. I also believe that He (or She) didn't just make this place and then leave it to us. I still think there is a guiding hand to nudge us in this direction or that. And I also think that if you don't seize the opportunities that come along, they stop coming. This is the main reason why I'm at the coast. This is where the universe nudged me. I don't know why yet... but that will come along at some point. I did my part and grabbed onto the opportunity that was presented. I knew at some point it would come along, but not before I was ready.
I'm sure you're wondering where all this is leading? Well, Farmer and I called it good this weekend. He doesn't see any value in pursuing anything other than a friendship and I have no intention of pursuing something that someone else doesn't see value in. So... that's done. The friendship will go on... and be better for all that's gone on between us. But it's time to move on.
Don't get me wrong... I'm very bummed about this particular turn of events, but when the universe flicks water at you, you move. End of story. Plus I want to be with someone who really wants to be with me. I know Farmer enjoys my company, but not like I would want.
I'm hoping I did him a favor. I'm hoping that he saw that life could be different than what he thought... That there is more to it than just work. Only time will tell if he learned that lesson. As for me, I learned that you can have many things in common but see the world from a completely different point of view. Farmer has made me look at things from a different perspective. He'll probably always be someone I go to for advise. He's good at pointing out angles I had never even considered. He's the calm in my storm.
So life will move on...
On a side note: My buddy Wulfe has started a blog called "My Thoughts". I have posted a link to it at the top of the page. Go check it out... I think it's going to be a good one to follow.
Crewing Vermont Moonlight
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