Thursday, April 29, 2010


(too much brutal honesty)

Don't get me wrong... I'm all for honesty. It has not been high on my priority list in years gone by, but I have tried to change that. And, no, I don't think anyone is ever 100% honest. There are times when you should just keep that thought to yourself. Brutal honesty is just that... brutal.

Which brings me to the sad tale of the last few days...

So, last week I worked an incredibly looooong week. The PITA special section was due out again and, of course the publisher did not have her act together so I was working very long days trying to get everything done. I think I topped out over 60 hours last week. Like I said... looooong week.

So Wulfe made the trek down to the coast.

On the trip down we chit-chat on the phone for a bit and I mention how stinkin' tired I am. He then proceeds to tell me how rough he's had it. I will grant him that the work situation with his co-worker (who continues to make his life hell) sucks... but he had just worked a standard week and had a massage (so jealous). How bad can it really be? Plus, I've done that drive too and, yes, it's long but not that bad.

I guess it felt like he was trying to 1-up me... either that, or he was doing me a big favor by heading down to the coast. Either way, it kinda pissed me off. He was leaving work at 4:30 while I was staying until midnight. Plus he had just had a massage... my back is just as sucky but there is no way I can afford that. I was not a happy camper.

When he arrived I tried to explain my frustration, but I wasn't getting through. Mostly he was just getting upset... so I backed off and apologized for being cranky. The weekend was very low-key and nice. We spent most of the weekend curled up together watching movies. By the time he left Sunday I was starting to feel human again, and it had been a great weekend together.

So then comes Tuesday... *shudders*

The Biologist had popped up again... this time stating that yes, he did in fact cheat on me while we were together. I was completely caught off guard by this statement. Not the fact that he had cheated... I had always suspected that. But because of the randomness of it. Plus he didn't state why he had cheated. And my feline personality really wanted to know why. So when I hear this I text Bff and let her know... she's just like "whatever... he's an idiot". And then I call Wulfe to just chit-chat and let him know about it. And why we're discussing it I bring up the fact that it would be good to know why. And then I say (something to the effect of) well, I hope it wasn't our sex life. Not sure I could deal with knowing that. (Caveat: after all the things that went down with ex-hub it is a very sore subject with me) and Wulfe is just kind of silent on the matter.

I had expected him to say something to the effect of: "no, babe, ours is great... and if he does think that, then he's crazy". I'm just paraphrasing here, but instead it was kinda like "huh". All of a sudden I'm on high alert. I say what... you aren't satisfied? Boy, wrong thing to ask I guess. I thought I knew the answer to that question... I was sadly mistaken...

Yeah, he's satisfied, but has concerns. Concerns? What concerns? There are concerns? Oh shit.

At this point I am beyond high alert and somewhere in the neighborhood of full-blown panic. After all, this is news to me. Right up until that very moment if someone had asked me how our sex life was I would have said it's just great for both of us. We are both so happy. I had heard nothing but good things. Where was this coming from?

So we start to discuss said concerns. Well, perhaps discuss isn't quite the right word. But it was getting talked about, vehemently... let's just say that. His big concern? That we're falling into patterns and he's worried we'll get stuck in a rut. OK.... um.... huh? So, if that is a concern than switch it up a little. I'm fine with things the way they are, but I'm up for whatever. And he knows this... so why is this a concern again?

And then the conversation starts to morph and grow... and it gets nasty for a while. My feelings are trashed... I'm sure he feels like his feelings were trashed. It got into the realm of "well, when I do this I do it for such-and-such amount of time and when you do that you only do it for this amount of time".

Holy crap... seriously? My policy is this: if you like doing it, then do it. If you are doing a specific thing only to get another specific thing in return... don't bother. Seriously. Don't. I had to deal with that whole tit-for-tat mentality with ex-hub. I am not going there again. And at that point I was seeing red.

Eventually we both calmed down and started to make amends. We left the conversation in a difficult but good place, I thought. Huh... whaddya know. Wrong again...

After such a difficult conversation I wanted to let him know that I still cared... very much. So I texted him that a little later that night.

No response that night.

No response the next morning when I get up.

No response when I get to work and get online. Not only that, but he doesn't say word one to me via chat. The only time we haven't talked on chat is when we broke up the first time. And after I made the effort to bridge the gap the night before with no response in site, I refused to be the one to hit him up on chat.

Finally much, much later in the morning I get a return text: me too, it says. Yup, 2 words. Nothing more. And now he's totally logged off facebook. Not good.

I decide to leave it be and chalk it up to the fact that there is something going down at work (because these days, there always is). So, when I finish my project I text him that I'm done and mention that he's not online. I'm not? he says. Well, I will be after lunch. So we chat for a little bit there. Nothing of consequence. Him telling me about what's going on at work. Then silence again. I leave early and tell him I'll talk to him later and that, again, I really care. I do get a text later saying he was sorry he was gone so long. I respond that I hope he has a better day... and then nothing. He was online last night, but he didn't bother to hit me up on chat. No text good-night. No phone call. And since I had reached out to him twice trying to bridge the gap I wasn't going to put myself out there again.

And still it's radio silence this morning. So disappointing...

Apparently he only believes in communicating when it's convenient... or something. It's a shame... I was really looking forward to next weekend. We both took a few days off to spend a block of time together. Oh well...


It will be very interesting to see what happens when I get to work today. I can tell you this much, I'm not making the first move. I did that twice to no avail. It's his turn...


  1. It sounds like you are in high school instead of a strong 37 year old.

  2. I disagree with anonymous. I think it sounds like you're trying and he's not willing to fight it out or let it go. One or the other would be nice. But just ignoring you? Giving you the cold shoulder? That just plain sucks.

  3. Can I be brutally honest?

    Is it fair to someone else to discuss your interpersonal relationship on the blog? I would be so ticked if my significant other felt she needed to talk about our sex life and our spats on their blog.

  4. It's part and parcel of dating me... a part of who I am and what I do. They know that going into it.

  5. If you don't like the tit-for-tat in bed, don't do it out of bed either, and ask him what's up! I know you've reached out twice already, but so what? Reach out again. Otherwise you'll just be wondering what's up and who knows, maybe it's nothing and he's distracted. Good luck!

  6. Social Filter success!
    I know you have said numerous times that you don't have a social filter - but, hey, I see evidence of a social filter. You discretely kept the post PG! Way to go!

    I side with anonymous writers. While most of us are fine with being blogged about in the positive, I can think of no one who wants their faults exposed in a public setting - especially one where random people and close friends of their accuser can chime in to criticize their behavior. Ask Wulfe again how he feels about you blogging about him. Unless he is VERY UNUSUAL, he is not going to appreciate it.

    I take Wulfe's side in the silent treatment. Being silent IS communicating. It can say, "I've tried to explain, but you just aren't listening." It can say, "I'm not ready to talk. I haven't sorted through my own feelings yet. Relationships take mental work, and I haven't finished mine yet." Being silent can say, "I'm not going to tell you how I really feel as I know you'll tell others, and I don't want to be discussed." Of course, being silent can mean, "I'm too immature to deal with things as an adult" - but I'm not reading his silence that way.

    Words aren't the only way to communicate.

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  8. Very interesting points, and food for thought...