The age-old battle of Love vs. Lust...

I got an email from Wildflower last night asking me if it was too early to be in love. I really didn't have a good answer for her because I believe it is situationally dependent, in my opinion...

I have known couples who dated for years and then only lasted a few months as a married couple. Then I know other couples who hardly knew each other (a few weeks) and got married and are still married to this day. I think the success of a relationship depends on a few key things...

1. Recognizing that lust is not love. Lust is exciting, thrilling and jumbles your emotions all up. Love is trustworthy, secure and grounds you. Personally, I think a successful relationship should have both. You can cultivate love and still keep things spicy (lust). But it's work... it doesn't happen all by itself. Which brings me to...

2. Relationships are work. Not a job, but work. There is a difference, as CO was pointing out to me a few days ago. Work is something you do with passion in your heart and it brings you joy (not always, but most of the time). A job is something that you do because you feel you have to but there is no joy or passion.

3. Realize that if you're not growing together, you're growing apart. Relationships are not static... they are in perpetual motion. The trick is to keep moving in the same direction. Accommodations will have to be made on both sides but that is one of the trade-offs of being a "we" versus a "me".

4. Contrary to popular belief, there is no set timeline for how things in a relationship should develop. For some it is slow and steady. For others it is rapid. Neither one is better than the other. But both parties have to be on the same page. If one is on the fast track and the other is moving along at a much slower pace that's going to cause problems. I should know... that was the Biologist and I to a T. These days I'm not in that much of a hurry. I want to savor the moments rather than rush through them...

5. Realize that mistakes will be made. On both sides. No one is perfect and there has to be room for error inside the boundaries of a relationship... otherwise nothing but failure can happen. There has to be breathing room...

And the hardest one of all...

6. Be eyes wide open and don't be afraid to say what's on your mind. Sometimes we ignore things because it feels so good and we don't want to be bothered with reality. But be aware of any red flags and be ready to talk them out. Either they will be resolved or they won't. If they aren't resolved then it's probably not going to last.

It's all a work in progress, people. Don't forget that...