Friday, January 27, 2012

Too many rules?

As you all know, I am an over-thinker. Well, actually that might be an understatement. As Bff puts it, I'm the champion of over-thinking and blow all others out of the water. She might be right.


I'm wondering if we advancing daters are putting too many constraints on the natural progression of things? This includes myself. After all, I held Rebel at arm's length because I didn't want to be just another notch on the bedpost... and to me it takes time to make sure it's not just about sex (or not only about sex). Seemed reasonable at the time. But then it turns out I could have had something amazing much sooner. But then again, maybe things wouldn't have been as good if I had just rushed head-long into it.

See? Over-thinking again. I can't help it...


I have some friends that are wrestling with this problem, as well. Too much thinking, not enough doing. Or so it seems to the outside observer anyway...

Wildflower is starting to see someone new. The Detective has promise (although he might be hung up on the ex a little). But one of her rules is that he must pursue. Luckily for him, he figured this little jewel out before it was too late. But, might she have missed out on something good because he didn't conform to one of the rules? Or would it not have worked because he didn't meet that important criteria?

You see where I'm going with this?

Another friend refuses to do internet dating, preferring instead to rely on a more "organic" means of meeting men. I'm pretty sure she's been without a date for over 2 years. So it's not working very well, from what I can see. So at what point should she abandon that rule and give something new a try?

And then there is another friend of mine who was pursuing something that seemed to be headed in the right direction until the other person slammed on the brakes and demanded that there be limits to their interactions. Seemed a little harsh to me and it's very frustrating to him. After all, how is he supposed to cultivate more than a friendship if it's not allowed to grow beyond that? It seems that the other person might miss out on a good thing because it's not allowed to progress in the natural way. Or will it be more meaningful later on because it was cultivated slower?

A perplexing puzzle, no? Yes.


  1. I'll let you know how it turns out in about, uh, er, 2 years? ~ClOwN

  2. I've always been more of a go-with-the-flow girl myself, but I'm dating my ex-fiance's best friend, soo...

  3. I guess I'll abandon my "rule" when I'm ready to (Although it's more of an instinct than a rule. Oh, and internet dating seems to work out so well for everyone else I've seen use it ie you (insert sarcasm mark here). And I have tried it so it wouldn't be something new either.). Like you, I'll find my own way and hope that those who care about me will support it rather than judge it. Guess not. Love you anyways, BFF

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