The date movie dichotomy...

So I'm sitting here watching TV with Farmer last night when a commercial for the movie "Dear John" came on. Farmer just checked out and started fiddling around on his computer. I also didn't give the commercial much thought until the end when it stated "A great date-night movie". At that point I just started laughing.

Farmer, hearing my amusement, perks up and questions me on what I find so funny. I explain to him the funny statement about the movie. Why did I find it funny, you ask? Well, let me 'splain...

First let's just get out of the way that "Dear John" is a chick-flick. It is one of those movies filled with ultra-romantic and completely unrealistic relationship plots... yes, my favorite kind of movie. But there are only 2 reasons why a heterosexual man goes to a movie like this:

1. He's married.
2. He's just recently started dating.

These 2 things may seem to be basically the same, but the reasons behind why they go are completely different.

Man #1 (the married guy) has, over the years, figured out that it is way easier to just agree to go... thus avoiding the fight that will ensue if he voices that he'd like to go see Rambo 20 instead.

Man #2 on the other hand is trying to earn brownie points to be used on a hopefully not too distant occasion.

Either way, we (the women, that is) win. We get to see the movie and pretend like our man is just as romantic as the one on the screen... until we get home, that is.

Sleep... Why hast thou forsaken me?

Happy Memorial weekend to you all. Shock of all shocks I have Monday off and so with the 3-day weekend I have decided to come visit Farmer and pester - I mean perk up - his life. Isn't that nice of me? Yeah, I thought so too...

Anyway, had a good day yesterday. Went for a walk in the morning. Trudged up the road twice to get Elmo from the corrals up there (forgot the halter the first time). Took Elmo out for a little bit of a ride. Watched all 3 "Bourne" movies back-to-back-to-back. By then I was pretty pooped and decided to turn in for the night.

I had been asleep for a couple of hours (I think) when all of a sudden I was being startled awake by the most god-forsaken sound... An elk was bugling throughout the house. Well, actually it was Farmer's ringtone for when something is going wrong with his irrigation system.

I have since found out it went off at 2am, 3:48am, 3:50am, 3:54am and 6:02am. What it felt like though is - almost back asleep... nope, never mind. Wide awake again.

Ah, the joys of the farmer's life. It is now 9:48am and Farmer still has no idea what the problem is.

Oh, crap. Does that mean I'm in for a repeat tonight? I hope not. That would make me very sad... It's a damn good thing that Farmer's company is worth being bugled out of bed for.

Battle "ships"...

There are two types of "ships" I'm referring to, here... relation-ships and friend-ships.

The friend variety I am great at. Vary rarely do I have major problems with my friends. When I do, they are resolved quickly and with minimal drama.

The relation kind on the other hand is a whole 'nuther story. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time then you are just as painfully aware as I am as to how bad I really am at the relation part. For some reason when transitioning from friend to relation something in my head goes bad. Kind of like wiring that has a short. All of a sudden I am compelled to fit the other person unfortunate enough to find themselves on the other side of the relation into a predetermined box of my imagining. I have a specific idea of what this relation should look like and I try to force them to fit into it... now.

This, I am learning, is bad... they don't want to fit into my box, they want to determine their own.

Huh... go figure.

Or maybe they don't even want a box... maybe they want a circle or something completely crazy like a triangle. What I'm finding is that it's not up to me.

Again... go figure.

But I am starting to get some practice at letting things just be what they are. There are people in my life who just don't fit into any particular category and I'm finding that this is just fine. I'm not going to die... really.

No, really.

Trust me, you're not the only one who's shocked to discover this little tidbit of information. It's been quite the revelation for me, as well. So maybe I can take these revelations from the friend side of things and eventually apply it to the relation-ship.

But I'm in no hurry. For now I like things just the way they are...

It slimed me...

This weekend I'm at the parental's for one reason and one reason only... to get the pool open.

For those of you who have pools, you will understand my feelings of dread when I was informed by my mother (aka flip-flop... she wanted a nick-name too) that I would be joining them this weekend for this wondrous event. Oh joy...

So this morning we start with the pool covers. Yes, covers... plural. Before anything else can happen the debris has to be removed from the covers. And since the covers have been on since last October and since my parent's house is next to a park there was a lot of debris... you know, leaves, branches, roof shingles... did I mention my parents really need a new roof?

So I strain as much off as I can. And then we start to remove the first cover. The first one is a net like cover that is supposed to keep all the major stuff off of the winter cover. So we pull that and it comes off without too much trouble. The only problem? The net is too big to keep the thousands of pine needles from falling through and to the winter cover below. Dang it!!

Oh well... I hose that one off, we fold it up and then start to remove the big, heavy winter cover. This is where it all goes awry.

Because all of the pine needles are now on the winter cover we can't just pull it off. We have to grab it by one end and walk it along keeping the pine needles gathered up in the middle. I'm thinking that as we pull it along the water will drain as we go. Um, yeah... not so much.

So we have the one end of the cover down to the other end of the pool... Flip-flop and El Dub have the cover by both ends while I am standing in the middle pulling from there. And as we start to pull, not only does the cover start to come out, but all the water and pine needles do too. Next thing I know, I am ankle deep in green goo (known as pool water) and pine needles. My once-white socks now resemble something from the swamp-thing. My shoes are nowhere to be seen under all the water and needles.

The cover, which is covered in green algae, has rubbed up against me and has left slime trails up and down my left leg and both arms. I look like I've just been hugged by a giant slug... not my best look. Flip-flop figures that as long as I'm covered in slime and wet anyway, that I should just finish the job and hose the cover down as well. As I start to hose it down, it starts pouring down rain. I don't even notice because I already resemble a drowned rat.

But the covers are off.

However, the pool is still green.

And a stunning shade of green, too... 

For now, we'll just let the chemicals work on that little problem...

Knock on wood...

It has been a most delightful week, thus far.

Due to both ad reps being out of the office on Monday, they had to have all of their ads in to me by Friday of last week. So, when Monday rolled around all I had to do was get the classifieds out... that's it. Usually I am working at least 6 more hours trying to get the huge pile of ads done that has mysteriously appeared in my inbox throughout the day (keep in mind, their deadline is 5pm on Thursday).

So this week, it was so nice not having all of that extra work waiting for me. Rather than arriving home around 10pm, I was home by 5:30pm on Monday night. I hardly knew what to do with myself... so I took the dogs for a walk.

Are we done here? We want to GO... 

 

Again, yesterday... same story. I was done in record time and was home trying to figure out what to do with myself. It was actually quite nice.

Today is more of the same. Only an 8 hour day... it's unprecedented.

I'm hoping this trend continues... *knocks on wood*

The paradox of cleavage...

And, no... not mine.

Farmer has been venturing out into the wonderful world of online dating. Now, don't get me wrong... times, they are a'changing and a lot of people find this a viable way to meet new people. Mostly...

Sometimes I wonder just what it is they are trying to accomplish. Take Farmer's latest email, for instance. "kissyface" emails him saying that she's just moved back to the area and is looking to make new friends. OK... so far, nothing too terrible.

Then he goes to her profile and is so taken aback he immediately sends it to me. On her profile there are several pictures that display "almost" everything. There is one picture where she is just a small breath away from a serious wardrobe malfunction. I mean, it's barely hanging in there... And then you read her profile and it's all about how she doesn't want someone who just wants her body.

OK... talk about mixed signals.

I'm kinda thinking that if you don't want people dating you just because of your physical assets, then you need to not so prominently display said assets. But then you run into this very weird paradox... if you keep it all to yourself, chances are you won't be getting many phone calls, either.

I have had a few people tell me that sports bras do not do me any justice. So maybe if I wore a bra that displayed things a little better I wouldn't have so many people picking up on me in the bar? Wait a second... that doesn't seem right, either.

OK, so now what? Seems like we are damned if we do (hey, that chick is a tart) or damned if we don't (hey, that chick is a prude).

Unfortunately for kissyface, she didn't have a chance either way. I'm pretty sure she's not really Farmer's type.

Although I could be wrong... wouldn't be the first time.

You say it's just a choice...

Farmer sent me a very interesting email the other day. Basically the gist of it was, you choose to be happy or not. Don't let your emotions rule you, just choose to be this way or that.

I think the idea is great. Hey, pesky emotions... kiss my butt, you're history. But if I get rid of all my emotions (good and bad) don't I become a Vulcan? Now I know some of you think that I am an alien anyway so I am in no hurry to perpetuate that vicious rumor. So, I guess I'll be keeping some of those pesky emotions around.

But I do get what they are trying to say. Perhaps I need to find a little more middle ground. The highs maybe won't be quite as high, but the lows won't be as brutal either. And I need to not let the people around me affect how I am feeling on any given day. So what if they're in a pissy mood... that doesn't mean I need to be... right? Right? Right...

I think I am making some headway on the middle ground effort. Yesterday we were in a meeting about streamlining a project that I have to produce every 2 months (the one that usually has me working 60+ hours in a week). In the middle of the meeting all of a sudden it got onto the creative side of things. I consider this my personal space... and they were invading it. In the past I would have gotten all up in arms and tried to defend my space. Instead I did something that I have never done before... I just sat back and let them talk themselves out. Lo and behold, once they wound down they realized how nice a job I had been doing and basically told me to keep doing what I've been doing...

Huh... well, that worked out nicely. And with relatively no input from me. Go figure. Perhaps my mother has been right all along... silence is golden. Perhaps not quite what she was referencing... but it worked for me. Thanks mom... perhaps I should have been listening to you more all these years.

All in all, it's all about choice. And it always has been... I just didn't realize it.

Just do what makes you happy...

... and everything else will just fall into place, Farmer tells me.

It is this unique ability to cut through the crap that I find so endearing in Farmer. He has become one of my most dearest friends... able to throw me a life-line of practicality when I am drowning in the sea of my own mind... which for some reason is often of late.

It all started Sunday night on my way home from the parental's house. I was chatting with Farmer about the weekend (his mostly) and I mentioned in brief that I was a little bummed that I didn't get to do what my original plans were... and then the conversation moved on from there and all was fine.

We hung up and I had about 25 miles until I was home. All of a sudden I was a blubbering mess... I mean, seriously a mess. I have no idea what triggered it, but all of a sudden I was mourning the break-up with Wulfe. And then it morphed into the “what is wrong with me” show...

All in all, it was very sad. And it just seems to be there still... this overwhelming feeling that something is wrong with me. I mean, after all, Wulfe was with his ex for 5 years (yes, 5 years) and had quite a few complaints... I only warranted a few months... why is that? Same story with Farmer. What is it about me being me that makes being with me so damn hard? (bet you can't say that 5 times fast)

Anyway, I voiced something like that to Farmer... well, actually I was trying to explain why I feel like being in a relationship is important. And for me, I want to know I matter to someone else and that they matter to me... in more than just a friendship kind of way. His response? He thinks I worry way too much about what I'm getting out of the relationship. He said for him it's all about what he's putting into it... and the other part just comes naturally.

Damn it!! I hate it when he's right. And this time he hit the nail on the head... (shhhhhhh... don't tell him I said that. It will just go to his head) I have been very wrapped up in what I'm getting out of it and I really haven't been putting as much into it as I should have. That was true with Farmer and with Wulfe.

I think part of this has to do with what happened in the marriage. It was so one-sided there at the end that I think I have just forgotten how to really give. Oh, and that brings up the other issue... ex-hub. He still thinks we should be thinking about reconciliation. But the funny thing is, any type of interactions we have are when I make the effort, not him. Even now, it is the same thing... it doesn't get done if I don't do it. I think, really, that with ex-hub change is hard for him and I am what he knows. But I am just not willing to go back to that place again. Bff was right... I am way more content now than I was for the last 3 years in the marriage.

When I was driving home on Sunday and I saw the ocean, I really felt like I was coming home. That hasn't happened since I lived in Central Oregon. When I go visit Farmer (or even when I was going to Wulfe's) it was more of like wrapping up in a warm blanket. It is nice and comfortable.

But the coast is starting to feel like home for me.

So I guess in that sense I'm starting to follow Farmer's advise...

He's not a Bug...

But he is a Milo.

A Milo? What's a Milo?

Meet Farmer's newest addition. Cute, isn't he? 

I still miss Bug terribly... 

Bug? I ate a bug earlier... And now it's nap time.

 

Bug was an awesome cat. But Milo is doing a good job of filling in the blank. Spiderman doesn't seem to mind him too much. I think Farmer forcing them to spend time together probably has something to do with that.

It is fun to have a kitten around the house again when visiting Farmer. I had a great time there last weekend playing with the kitten and the horses. Elmo did great after a 6 month (unintentional) lay-off. I was a little worried that he might slip back into some old bad habits. Nope... he was a rock star!! 

I hopped on Aspen briefly on Sunday and she did very nice as well. I'm still hoping to find her a new home. So far, no nibbles. 

Farmer had a relatively quiet weekend (by his standards)... i.e. I got to see him more than just a few minutes here and there. We actually had "blocks of time". It was good. The sun was out (as was the wind... in force) and I actually put on shorts for the first time this season. Not a bad weekend, all-in-all. 

This weekend I'm up at my parent's house trying to figure out why the ##$@%$ trailer lights won't work correctly. After yesterday I am up to working brake lights and turn signals. Still nothing when you just turn on the lights. 

So far it hasn't been the trailer, but where you plug into that has been the issue. (I guess that would be called the socket?) So much for spending the money to have it "professionally" installed so that it wouldn't give me problems in the future. I'm not impressed...

And, of course, it's so sunny out and I am here, sans horse, instead of there, riding. Stoopid trailer!! But, needed to get done... hopefully we'll get the rest figured out today.

Cinco Deny O'

So, as long as I'm sitting around dying of cramps I might as well relate the events of last night. I was hoping that my productivity would include lots of sleep, but this will just have to do instead...

So I was down at my favorite haunt last night visiting with my buddy Lab. Lab is in his 70's (although he doesn't look a day over 50) and lost his wife a few years ago to cancer. He is a very interesting person with lots of funny stories and I love to just sit at the bar and chit-chat with him... and last night was no exception.

So when I got there the bar was pretty crowded. Lab had saved a seat so I sat down next to him and on my other side was an out-of-towner in covering for someone on vacation at the phone company. I immediately saw a wedding ring and thought to myself, oh good... that's not going to be an issue.

So Lab and I start yapping about this and that and I tell him about the Biologist's confession to me. So then we start to discuss cheating. You all know my position on it... it is BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD, BAD... Lab pretty much felt the same way. The guy on my other side (we'll call him Red) pipes into the conversation and tells us he's been married almost 25 years and has never considered it. Good deal. I continue to say that I can't see how women are comfortable being the "other" woman because I certainly wouldn't want someone doing that to me, therefore I wouldn't do it to someone else. And the conversation progresses from there and moves on to other subjects with Red chiming in now and again.

So, 7pm rolls around and Lab decides to take off. I'm still in the middle of my din-din so I'm not leaving yet. Red decides to stick around and chit-chat with me. As I'm eating Red starts telling me about his marriage troubles. Now, I kinda get this... sometimes it's just easier to talk to someone you don't know and get things off your chest... especially after you've had a few. And he had had a few. So I chit-chat with him about it and it's starting to get a bit on the late side (8pm) and I hadn't been up to feed my pony yet so I'm starting to get ready to leave.

So Red asks me if I can go in late tomorrow... and I say no I've got a lot to do in the office. And he says to me (seriously) well how about staying out and playing? And I laugh and inform him that this is small town coastal Oregon. Everything here is closed by 10pm. And then he asks me (seriously) well what about you? What time do you shut down?

OMG. Seriously? Um, sir, those doors were never open for business as far as you're concerned. YOU'RE MARRIED. And even if you weren't that is just not my style.

Needless to say, he got the hell outta there pretty fast after that. I guess he wasn't paying attention when we were discussing the issue of cheating earlier in the evening. Holy crap. The bartender (bless her heart) thought it was hilarious.

I'm sure I will never hear the end of it...

They say bad things happen for a reason...

On Thursday afternoon I finally reached out to Wulfe again and asked him what was going on. At first he didn't respond. And then, finally, radio silence was broken. We agreed to meet online later that night to discuss things.


We decided to Skype because I felt like this needed to be a face-to-face conversation. And I was right... after much discussion we both decided that it was better to just be friends. And it was a mutual decision reached by both of us independently...

There are things about his silence that I really didn't like. I understand needing time to sort things out... my point is that if you do need that, then say so. If I continue to harass you past you asking for some time, then you can ignore me. He did agree that probably wasn't the best way to handle things and apologized which I appreciated immensely.

We will remain friends, but there are things about our relationship that I will miss... we had a connection that was very deep (I think). There were times when I was just so in tune with him. Maybe that will continue... who knows?

I won't miss us both being too much the same. I think part of the key to relationship survival and success is having someone who is your counter-point to some extent. But then again, maybe not. After all, it's not like I've been super successful in that department.

All I can do is try to learn and grow...