There are two types of "ships" I'm referring to, here... relation-ships and friend-ships.
The friend variety I am great at. Vary rarely do I have major problems with my friends. When I do, they are resolved quickly and with minimal drama.
The relation kind on the other hand is a whole 'nuther story. If you've been reading this blog for any length of time then you are just as painfully aware as I am as to how bad I really am at the relation part. For some reason when transitioning from friend to relation something in my head goes bad. Kind of like wiring that has a short. All of a sudden I am compelled to fit the other person unfortunate enough to find themselves on the other side of the relation into a predetermined box of my imagining. I have a specific idea of what this relation should look like and I try to force them to fit into it... now.
This, I am learning, is bad... they don't want to fit into my box, they want to determine their own.
Huh... go figure.
Or maybe they don't even want a box... maybe they want a circle or something completely crazy like a triangle. What I'm finding is that it's not up to me.
Again... go figure.
But I am starting to get some practice at letting things just be what they are. There are people in my life who just don't fit into any particular category and I'm finding that this is just fine. I'm not going to die... really.
No, really.
Trust me, you're not the only one who's shocked to discover this little tidbit of information. It's been quite the revelation for me, as well. So maybe I can take these revelations from the friend side of things and eventually apply it to the relation-ship.
But I'm in no hurry. For now I like things just the way they are...
Scouting with Sandy
6 days ago
Great news! Divorce is TOUGH. No one goes through it without having been changed at the core level. You might have picked up some little "quirks" that are totally normal considering the drama you've been through. You are trying to "protect" yourself - which is commendable. I'm all for surviving!
ReplyDeleteTake care! We love you.
You didn't show the last person you had a relationship with that you cared about him. I'm not saying you didn't care, but nowhere on your blog (the only info I have) did you state/show your feelings for him.
ReplyDeleteHis comment on your blog where he told you he looked forward to being by your side was a greater display of affection and devotion than you showed to him. Again I can only base this by what's written on your blog.
You cared about the relationship; you were glad he stated he was in one with
you when it was on (FB), and mourned the break-up when it was done. But did you (do you) care about HIM?
You stated that he made a compromise for you
thesecond time around. Did you ever make a compromise for him? What did you do for him?
You blogged more about your ex-lovers than you did about him during the time of your relationship. Did you think about how that made him feel?
Farmer told you some of this already. Some people work to contribute to a relationship, while others are only concerned with what they get out if one. Such a one-sided relationship can never last long. The one doing all the work gets tired.
Wulfe wasn't super thrilled about me putting stuff about us out here on the public blog. Farmer on the other hand said he doesn't mind one bit... however, he's a tough nut to crack, so who knows?
ReplyDeleteReally this is really tuff to be divorce .... it sucks
ReplyDeleteAnonymous person, you really tick me off. You obviously have no idea what it is like to be scarred by people time and time again.
ReplyDelete