Wednesday, December 21, 2011

Once a cheater?

I think I've covered this topic before... but it struck my mind again yesterday, so I'm going with it.

I think if you've been reading this blog for any period of time then you'll know my stand on cheating. Absolutely not tolerated. Period.

However, I do have a confession to make. When I was with the Biologist he cheated on me. And I knew he had cheated on me. I read it from his own hand (yes, I was snooping). And still I was able to dismiss what I knew and try to believe him even though I knew the actual truth. It was bad. It made all of our dealings after that point contentious and not very much fun. Plus I was a paranoid wreck...

I will never do that again. But over the last few years I've tried to figure out why I ignored what I knew to be true and stick it out with the Biologist anyway.

The best answer I have is this: I wasn't quite ready to be alone.

I am human. What can I say...

Rebel's ex-wife cheated on him pretty early on in their marriage. He ended up sticking it out another 14 years only to find out she had been cheating on him the final 2 years of their marriage as well. I always wonder if the person she cheated with (and is still seeing, if I remember correctly) is paranoid that she'll turn around and cheat on him too. It just seems that if you had no regard for one relationship that you'll probably not suddenly change and have respect for the next one. But I could be wrong, I suppose.

All I know is that cheating is such a huge breach of trust and respect that I don't think you can get that back once it is gone.

At least, that's how I feel...

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