There has been a lot of soul-searching going on in the last couple of weeks. And it's time to put this particular chapter to bed and start to move forward. I hate to say it... but my mother is right. I have just been treading water with no movement or goals to speak of. I have had a rough year, but nothing that is not overcomable. And it is time to overcome...
A few lingering thoughts to put out there before I move on for good... some things that have been bothering me that I wanted answers to. However, I have come to realize that I will never have those answers... and I need to be OK with that.
The first is: I wonder if Farmer and the Biologist will ever come to realize what they gave up? The Biologist, probably not so much. He was only concerned with himself and that complete unawareness of other people will shield him from that, I think. Farmer is probably a different story. Although I believe he has somewhat the same ability to stick his head in the sand... the sand being work... and ignore the rest of what life has to offer. I think someday he will regret choosing not to really give this another chance. Timing might have something to do with it... but maybe not. But he had someone who was willing to give as much as she got, was interested in the lifestyle and really wanted to be a part of it, and was really in love with him and wanted him to be a partner in her life as well. That doesn't come along very often.
But, they made their choice and it is what it is.
I know I will find love again someday. But I need to remember this simple story... a girl went out to the field searching for butterflies, with no success. She looked all afternoon without ever spotting a butterfly. She got tired and decided to lay down in the meadow and take a nap... and when she woke up she was covered in butterflies.
I need to start concentrating on the things that make me happy... and love will find me when I'm ready.
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Have I mentioned that I couldn't stand my husband when I met him? He was just so INTO me and kept up the chase for so long that I realized that anyone who wanted to be with me that bad might be a good to keep around. It's so nice to finally be the one who is not MORE in love than the other one. I don't know that this fact has any relevance to you at all, but I felt prompted to mention it. Go get em, Shar. Focusing on you is the best thing you can do right now!
ReplyDeleteI love the butterfly analogy. It is perfect.
ReplyDeletePoor Sweet Pea, you're in my prayers...
ReplyDeleteWhat I realized, is that when I surrounded myself with friends and allowed myself to enjoy the world around me, that it just ended up happening. And, though i was anxious about it, I was surrounded around friends, so even if things didn't go as planned, it wouldn't be too bad.
Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, You'll land among the stars.