You're fine. How am I?

So many things running through my head that I'm having a hard time concentrating on just one thing...

Mostly I feel like every time I have a grip on my life it starts to spin out of control again. That is getting old. In the past, the way has been shown... but right now I'm still waiting.

The other thing that kind of struck me tonight... my faith in myself is seriously shaken. And in turn Farmer has no faith in me either. That was brought forth tonight by a miscommunication and it's a little frustrating. In my marriage, ex-hub had unshakable faith... he always knew that he could count on me to do it, fix it, find it, manage it... you know, just be it. But I couldn't count on him. I feel like roles are reversed here and I have no idea how to deal. I have that faith in Farmer but that doesn't seem to be a 2-way street at this point. I'm frustrated in myself for not showing him that I can be that person he can count on...

ARGGGGG... I'm hoping sleep will let me see things more clearly in the morning.