"Stalking" is such a negative word...

I prefer the term "keeping in touch".


I have a friend. His name is Farmer... you may have heard of him?

This is him with a gun... and a goatee.

Wisely I'm standing WAY behind him while he's armed...

I wonder if he still has the goatee?

Anywho... he's missing.

Every year from June until September (I hope only September) my friend Farmer is replaced by a walking and (sometimes) talking zombie that looks and sounds remarkably like him.

I think the way it works is that the zombie replacement runs around going non-stop 24 hours a day (after all, zombies don't need to sleep... they're already the undead) getting things done that no mere human could possibly do in a 24 hour period. While the zombie is working, I suspect that the real Farmer slinks off to some Caribbean beach... enjoying the sights and drinking MaiTais.

I have tried conversing with the zombie stand-in, but it's just not the same. Just when I'm about to get to the drama-riddled part of my story it tells me that it has another call coming in and then I never hear from it again.

A coping technique that Farmer taught it before he left? We may never know...