Pretty much...
A Meeting of the Bad Girls Club
4 days ago
Friday, June 29, 2012
Thursday, June 28, 2012
Wednesday, June 27, 2012
On death and dying...
My uncle is dying.
It might be today. It might be tomorrow. Either way, it won't be long before he is no longer with us. And the world will be a sadder place because of it. He was gruff, opinionated and did things his own way (remind you of anyone?). And he is/was a very good man who loved the people in his life deeply.
I hope he finds peace. Soon.
It might be today. It might be tomorrow. Either way, it won't be long before he is no longer with us. And the world will be a sadder place because of it. He was gruff, opinionated and did things his own way (remind you of anyone?). And he is/was a very good man who loved the people in his life deeply.
I hope he finds peace. Soon.
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Living life imperfectly (and a wildlife safari)...
Yesterday I kind of dropped a bombshell. Well, OK. Not kinda. I did. There were a select few who knew the truth of everything as it was happening real time, but mostly I just kind of kept stuff to myself.
*I'm allowed to do that... right?*
My announcement about Rebel had quite a few people commenting (publicly and privately) about what their feelings were on the subject. And it has run the gamut. Some were very happy that he finally came around. Some were concerned for my well being. And some really did call me an idiot...
*I was kidding when I made that comment yesterday... I guess sarcasm doesn't translate to the written word well*
So, let me just clear this up for everyone. I am not trying to live the perfect life. I am trying to actually just live my life. That includes mistakes, and wrong turns and imperfections. For so long I have tried to over-think everything as I go... calculating and trying to manage every outcome. This is NO WAY to live, people. Trust me on that one.
Is giving it another shot with Rebel the right thing to do? I have NO idea. And neither do you. No one knows what the future holds. He may hurt me. I may hurt him. We may break up in 2 months or live the rest of our lives together in perfect harmony (that sounds like a song, doesn't it?). But I'm tired of trying to control and calculate every outcome. For better or for worse, I am living my life rather than trying to control it. Also, if this time around things don't work out between Rebel and I, at least the question of "what if?" won't be rolling around in my head. I'll have the answer to that question...
So, who wants to see safari pictures? Because they are kinda awesome...
Not to be confused with a...
Not to be confused with a...
Not to be confused with a...
*I'm allowed to do that... right?*
My announcement about Rebel had quite a few people commenting (publicly and privately) about what their feelings were on the subject. And it has run the gamut. Some were very happy that he finally came around. Some were concerned for my well being. And some really did call me an idiot...
*I was kidding when I made that comment yesterday... I guess sarcasm doesn't translate to the written word well*
So, let me just clear this up for everyone. I am not trying to live the perfect life. I am trying to actually just live my life. That includes mistakes, and wrong turns and imperfections. For so long I have tried to over-think everything as I go... calculating and trying to manage every outcome. This is NO WAY to live, people. Trust me on that one.
Is giving it another shot with Rebel the right thing to do? I have NO idea. And neither do you. No one knows what the future holds. He may hurt me. I may hurt him. We may break up in 2 months or live the rest of our lives together in perfect harmony (that sounds like a song, doesn't it?). But I'm tired of trying to control and calculate every outcome. For better or for worse, I am living my life rather than trying to control it. Also, if this time around things don't work out between Rebel and I, at least the question of "what if?" won't be rolling around in my head. I'll have the answer to that question...
So, who wants to see safari pictures? Because they are kinda awesome...
Some antelope lookin' thing...
Hippo (not dead... even though it looks dead)...
A giraffe in the road...
Closer...
Closer...
Closer...
Too close!! Go, go, go...
(before he/she sits on the car...
pretty sure that isn't covered by AllState)
Zebras...
More Zebras...
Baby Gnu!! So cute...
Grown-up Gnu. Still cute, but not as cute...
Hairy Yak...
Not to be confused with a...
Bison...
Not to be confused with a...
Buffalo...
Not to be confused with a...
Buffalo rolling in the mud...
Brown Bears...
This one was dreaming because his nose kept twitching...
Llama vs. Big Horn Sheep...
(the llama won)
Unconcerned Elk...
Itchy Elephant...
Big Lion (you should have seen the size of those paws)
Looks like Midas...
Bengal Tiger...
Cheetah...
Another Cheetah...
Ostrich? Emu? Who knows...
Balled-up Flamingo...
Those are real... I think.
Monday, June 25, 2012
2nd time around...
I have a confession to make... Rebel and I are back together.
Now, before you all have a meltdown and tell me what an idiot I am let me tell you the events of the past month or so... then you can call me an idiot. Or whatever.
(secretly I'm hoping you'll all be happy for me... and Rebel too)
So, if you follow this blog on a regular basis at all, you will remember my post about cutting people out of my life for bad behavior. Most of you might have guessed that it was Rebel I was referring to. Some of you may have missed it. Either way... that's what happened. My feelings were very hurt and so I cut him off... blocked his number, defriended him on Facebook (funny thing that spell check doesn't recognize the word "defriended" yet... anywho) and basically wrote him off as not a part of my life anymore. But it was very hard and I was very sad.
Fast forward a few weeks to the night before the Prineville endurance race and me setting up the camp alone for the first time. It was about the time that I was sitting down and enjoying the fruits of my labor when an email showed up... from Rebel. I stated my position and reasoning for cutting him off, he apologized and explained it from his side. End result: friends again. But from afar. I really had no intention of ever seeing him again face to face. It would have just been too hard.
So, this goes on for a while. More and more I get texts saying he misses me. For the most part I ignore those texts. I missed him too, but that is besides the point. I didn't want to fall into something that was just a casual deal so I just kept him at arm's length. Much easier to be friends that way.
Then the vent leak happens. I consult with him about it and in the course of the phone call he offers to come up and help me fix it (well, actually he had offered in a couple of texts too). I explained to him that I just couldn't have him here in Bend, that we wanted very different things and that the casual thing just wasn't for me. End of story. Or so I thought.
Then last Monday I got an email from him. It came to me out of left field. And it kind of blew my mind as I read it... in fact, I had to reread it several times to make sure it was saying what I thought it was saying. I thought about copying and pasting it here for you all to read so you could see what I saw... but I've decided that I cherish it too much and I want to keep it to myself.
So instead I will paraphrase. The highlights were:
He had a lot going on when he broke up with me back in January.
He didn't realize what he had lost until I was out of his life (typical... what is it with men and this issue?)
And what he finally realized was that he loves me (yes, he used that word several times) and that he has from the beginning.
Needless to say, my over-thinking brain went into hyperdrive. I can't even begin to tell you the gamut of emotions that washed over me as I read and reread (and reread and reread) that email. However, it boils down to this: he wrote this email for one of two reasons... 1. he's just trying to get back in my pants (which is a valid argument to some degree because he is a man, after all, and they're always angling for some version of that) or 2. he's sincere and means everything he wrote. I thought about option number 1 for a long time. A long time. The conclusion I reached was that if this was an email designed for that purpose then there was no way he would have used the word love. He never said he loved me when we were together the first time and I just couldn't see him using it unless option number 2 was actually true... he really does love me.
That realization made my heart soar. It also cost me $200 in a lost bet. Back when I cut Rebel off, PT made me a double-or-nothing bet that Rebel would figure things out and be back. At that time (and really up until that email hit my inbox) I was confident that was never going to happen. Oops...
However, to me the real test was going to be what happened when we actually saw each other in person. It's easy to say things over email or text (or even the phone)... but would the sincerity of it all translate in person? I'm happy to say, it did. And we had a good time together as well (not that we ever suffered in that department). In some ways we picked up right where we left off... which is something I had wondered about before I saw him again.
And true to form, we did some random exploration. But before we could get to our first desination we had to stop at a rock pit and let the girls explore...
Then Umpqua Hot Springs was next. Kinda. As you can see by the sign below, there were 2 ways to go. Care to guess which way Rebel went first? (hint: it wasn't to the hot springs)
Now, before you all have a meltdown and tell me what an idiot I am let me tell you the events of the past month or so... then you can call me an idiot. Or whatever.
(secretly I'm hoping you'll all be happy for me... and Rebel too)
So, if you follow this blog on a regular basis at all, you will remember my post about cutting people out of my life for bad behavior. Most of you might have guessed that it was Rebel I was referring to. Some of you may have missed it. Either way... that's what happened. My feelings were very hurt and so I cut him off... blocked his number, defriended him on Facebook (funny thing that spell check doesn't recognize the word "defriended" yet... anywho) and basically wrote him off as not a part of my life anymore. But it was very hard and I was very sad.
Fast forward a few weeks to the night before the Prineville endurance race and me setting up the camp alone for the first time. It was about the time that I was sitting down and enjoying the fruits of my labor when an email showed up... from Rebel. I stated my position and reasoning for cutting him off, he apologized and explained it from his side. End result: friends again. But from afar. I really had no intention of ever seeing him again face to face. It would have just been too hard.
So, this goes on for a while. More and more I get texts saying he misses me. For the most part I ignore those texts. I missed him too, but that is besides the point. I didn't want to fall into something that was just a casual deal so I just kept him at arm's length. Much easier to be friends that way.
Then the vent leak happens. I consult with him about it and in the course of the phone call he offers to come up and help me fix it (well, actually he had offered in a couple of texts too). I explained to him that I just couldn't have him here in Bend, that we wanted very different things and that the casual thing just wasn't for me. End of story. Or so I thought.
Then last Monday I got an email from him. It came to me out of left field. And it kind of blew my mind as I read it... in fact, I had to reread it several times to make sure it was saying what I thought it was saying. I thought about copying and pasting it here for you all to read so you could see what I saw... but I've decided that I cherish it too much and I want to keep it to myself.
So instead I will paraphrase. The highlights were:
He had a lot going on when he broke up with me back in January.
He didn't realize what he had lost until I was out of his life (typical... what is it with men and this issue?)
And what he finally realized was that he loves me (yes, he used that word several times) and that he has from the beginning.
Needless to say, my over-thinking brain went into hyperdrive. I can't even begin to tell you the gamut of emotions that washed over me as I read and reread (and reread and reread) that email. However, it boils down to this: he wrote this email for one of two reasons... 1. he's just trying to get back in my pants (which is a valid argument to some degree because he is a man, after all, and they're always angling for some version of that) or 2. he's sincere and means everything he wrote. I thought about option number 1 for a long time. A long time. The conclusion I reached was that if this was an email designed for that purpose then there was no way he would have used the word love. He never said he loved me when we were together the first time and I just couldn't see him using it unless option number 2 was actually true... he really does love me.
That realization made my heart soar. It also cost me $200 in a lost bet. Back when I cut Rebel off, PT made me a double-or-nothing bet that Rebel would figure things out and be back. At that time (and really up until that email hit my inbox) I was confident that was never going to happen. Oops...
However, to me the real test was going to be what happened when we actually saw each other in person. It's easy to say things over email or text (or even the phone)... but would the sincerity of it all translate in person? I'm happy to say, it did. And we had a good time together as well (not that we ever suffered in that department). In some ways we picked up right where we left off... which is something I had wondered about before I saw him again.
And true to form, we did some random exploration. But before we could get to our first desination we had to stop at a rock pit and let the girls explore...
I'm up high, and you're not...
Daisy rethinking this whole rock climbing deal...
Noelle: I'm king of the woooooooooooorrrrrrlllllllldddddd...
Just kidding. Tell him not to let go. It's kinda high up here...
After our quick tour of the rock pit it was on to Watson Falls. Gorgeous, gorgeous waterfall. And a fun hike too. But steep. Very steep hike...
View from the picnic area...
Heading up the trail. I put Noelle in charge of Rebel...
Watson Falls...
The waterfall from the viewing platform...
Looking out the other way from the platform...
This is awesome, mom...
Daisy is not as excited about posing as Noelle was...
This stump is actually hanging out over the drop-off below,
but the picture doesn't really show it...
Did you say climb, mom?
We actually went up and over that rock wall to get
hit full tilt by the waterfall spray. It was wet...
Just like old times...
Then it was on to Tokatee Falls...
Redwood "pipe" from 1949...
Above the falls...
Stop making me pose, woman...
River dropping into the "punchbowl"...
Looking down river...
Tokatee Falls...
Trying to stop a small leak...
Instead I made the hole bigger. Oops...
(and got quite wet too, much to Rebel's delight)
Finally, success...
Then Umpqua Hot Springs was next. Kinda. As you can see by the sign below, there were 2 ways to go. Care to guess which way Rebel went first? (hint: it wasn't to the hot springs)
We went the way of the douche bags. But we passed a lot
of cars headed the same way...
Eventually, we found the hot springs. They were very cool. But, of course, we didn't have our suits with us so I didn't get the chance to really appreciate the hot springs...
But the marshmallow did find more logs to climb on...
We also went to the wildlife safari, but I will leave those pics for another blog. I think this one is plenty long and I'm sure there will be lots of comments forthcoming. Or not...
If nothing else, just be happy for me :)
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