You never know what you might dig up in the lost and found box... could be an angora sweater just your size. Could be a crusty sock with a hole in the toe.
Rummaging around the lost and found box that is my brain, today is definitely a crusty sock kind of day...
The first item in the box is a random thought that hit me in the middle of the night. Farmer and I had been walking along the canal and I was talking about going riding. He said the reason he didn't want to was that the last time he was (and I quote) "in that frame of mind" he got bucked off. That is a reasonable statement. The thought that hit me later, however, was: what frame of mind was that exactly? According to him, very little goes on in that brain of his worth reporting. I felt like something was off... but he's so hard to read, who the hell knows. So... what frame of mind was he in? What was I picking up on so I can identify and tag for later scrutiny? I doubt I'll ever know. He has many wonderful traits... verbalization of feelings is not one of them. And I'm slowly learning to read the unsaid. But it's a hit or miss proposition sometimes.
The second item in the box is a puzzle that was presented to me, again, last night. (Last night was pretty eventful considering the fact that I didn't go out and didn't get any dinner and was in bed by 10pm. Anyway, I digress... ) So, Farmer and I had planned to ride on Sunday. However now that has gone by the wayside because the hay field has dried faster than expected and needs to be raked and baled tomorrow. So, I'm completely on my own for my day off... and I'm very disappointed and a little at a loss. I'm not upset at Farmer. His life is what it is. I'm just disappointed that we will not get that time together.
Does this make me needy? Wait, don't answer that...
So, now I'm trying to figure out what to do. I don't want to be in the house all day again. I really haven't developed a network of friends here yet. I don't want to be alone. You see the problem... And now the crux of it. Normally when I move to a new place I network by hooking up with horsey type people and do horsey type things. However, I'm now torn about this. This is something that was going to be "our" thing... Farmer and I, that is. And I'm all for that. But I have no idea how to network now.
So I'm left with two opposing thoughts... 1. Go ahead and find those horsey people. Make those connections and have them waiting as back up in case something like this happens again, knowing that having them on last minute backup might not work... they could be busy too. 2. Go ahead and find those horsey people. Make my own plans and if Farmer can join in, great. And if not, I'm not left feeling like the bastard step-child that has no life.
I'm sure the answer for this particular problem is somewhere in the middle... just not sure where. And I really don't know how Farmer feels about it. And I'm sure he'll say some such crap like "do whatever you need to do" and it will piss me off. I was so happy to hear that he wanted horsey things to be things we do together... I'm just not quite sure what to do when life interferes with what we had planned and something that I was looking forward to. So... I'm feeling pretty lost.
I'm hoping to be found soon...
(On a complete side note... I am at work right now and the boss is still drunk and outside waving at people passing by singing at the top of his lungs. BigGuy is hung-over at his desk. GQ is egging the boss on in his singing. TooTall has his computer playing really bad country music so loud that I can barely think straight. It's going to be an interesting and very long day...)
How to Show Up to Your Life
1 day ago