I know, I know. Two posts in one day. Too much drama...
But, I think we got down to the bottom of whatever it was between Farmer and I. It's a matter of perspective versus perception. Because we come at things from such different backgrounds I think it hangs us up sometimes. And this is one of those times.
Bottom line is this... Drama is bad. Peace is good. Although I'm not very good at it, I need to let my fears go and live in this moment enjoying what is to be enjoyed between us. Fear and tension will not lessen the blow if something goes wrong. All it can do is speed me towards a bad ending if allowed to continue. I know this is easily said and not easily done... but this is a change I want and need to make. In fact, it's something that I'm going to commit myself to. I may not always succeed in every situation, but I will make the change.
It's something I want to do for myself... and that makes it worth it.