Friday, December 11, 2009

Cat attack...

So, I was sitting around on the beach this morning chit-chatting with some newly made friends. They are a married couple that walk their puppy around the same time I do every morning. Their puppy is thrilled to have friends to play with... Noelle seems pretty ecstatic about the proposition as well. Daisy just wants to be left alone to go sniff and roll in whatever she deems worthy.

So anyway, we were relating funny stories back and forth. And I was telling them about the 2 kitties that are still with Farmer... Bug and Spiderman.

Bug is a skinny gray and white cat that is so named because he is a PEST. No ifs, ands or buts about it. He is always right under your feet, or elbow, or back, or knee... and he is very naughty. When you hear squeeking coming from inside the house (usually in the kitchen) this just means that Bug has brought his still semi-conscious dinner inside to play with.

At this point I'm usually pointing at Farmer to dispose of both cat and din-din... and no, I don't care that it's still alive. Just get it out of here... STAT. To remove the mouse is simple enough... just grab the cat by the scruff of the neck and make sure he has a grip on the mouse. Then unceremoniously toss them both outside. Problem solved... until he drags it back in through the dog door.

Spiderman, on the other hand, is a somewhat chunky black cat with a kinked tail. Hunting for him is a recreational sport... not a matter of eat or not. In fact, if given his choice Spiderman prefers dog food over cat food any day of the week. If you think your dogs get excited at feeding time, you haven't seen anything until you've seen a black, pudgy fur ball going mach 20 across the kitchen floor in hopes of picking up a few morsels that the dogs (or Farmer) may have dropped or left behind. And if he's not stalking the dog food then he's laid out on one of the dog beds... usually on his back with his legs stretched out as far as they can go. If a dog dares try to take over the dog bed then they soon learn the error of their ways.

So a while back I was at Farmer's place and it was a beautiful day so I had gone for a ride. As I was unsaddling I noticed that Spiderman was herding the neighbor's wild chickens towards the barn with Bug in hot pursuit. They managed to get the chickens (about 20 of them) into the barn and up on a stack of hay.

So Bug sits down in front of the stack while Spiderman goes around the back and begins to climb the stack and prep for his stealth attack. And as I'm watching this I'm thinking they are pretty smart. Bug is keeping their attention forward so Spiderman can catch one from the back... not bad, kids.

Spiderman then launches himself off the stack and manages to actually land on the back of one of the chickens. Mass chicken hysteria ensues. The one with Spiderman attached to it actually takes flight with him hanging on for all he's worth. The rest of the chickens have, in the meantime, sprinted down the stack and right over the top of Bug.... he didn't stand a chance. He was literally flattened by 19 chickens running around like... well, like chickens with their heads cut off. But I am here to tell you that all of the chickens were definitely in possession of their heads when they flattened the cat.

Meanwhile, Spiderman is going for the 8 second ride and trying desperately not to get bucked off by the hysterical beast beneath him. No luck... he's dumped after about two flaps of the feathers. So now there are two flattened cats laying on the barn floor desperately trying to assess what the hell just happened as feathers from the recently departed chickens gently float to the floor. And you can just see them staring at each other with a look like "well that didn't go the way I thought it would".

And then the blame game begins...

Bug: What the hell? Why didn't you hang on longer?

Spiderman: Me? You were supposed to keep them there on the stack... not let them run over the top of you.

Bug: Run over? They did no such thing. I just happened to think that I really didn't want to keep them there anymore for strategic purposes. Plus, all you had to do was ride that one to the ground and then we would have had it.

Spiderman: I tried!! Did you see the way that thing was flapping around? It was wild!! Plus it was like way bigger than I am...

Bug: Uh huh. Sure. Have you looked at yourself in the mirror lately? You're huge. That chicken was lucky to get in the air at all with all the combined weight.

Spiderman: Oh never mind. Let's go find Daisy or Missy... they'll be more than happy to kill one for us.

Bug: Deal...

1 comment:

  1. That is an incredibly funny story! :)