Friday, November 12, 2010

It looks good on paper...

I'm not sure if I've discussed this particular phenomenon of my internet dating experience or not, but I seem to have trouble getting to a second date... sometimes by my choosing, but mostly by theirs.

I've had several men read my online profile and then send me a message wondering how I'm still single. On paper I look like a good deal. However, when they actually meet me in person somehow it doesn't translate.

I'm like the Ryan Leaf of internet dating... (for those of you non-sports types... Ryan Leaf was drafted #1 out of college and was possibly the biggest flop in the NFL to date)

I do have a couple of theories on this. I'm kinda thinking it's one of two things...

1. People get an image in their head when you read a profile, look at someone's pictures and chat by text and phone... and when I don't meet the mental image they've created it falls flat.

2. Men (more than women, I think) are looking for that absolute instant chemistry. But I have met some men and my initial impression was not so much... but then after spending some time with them and really getting to know them, some of those not so much men became some of the best relationships I ever had.

Still, it's hard not to take it personally. I know I have a lot to offer and the right person will see that... right? Right? Right.

Now the other problem... When I do choose to go on a second date, that's when I typically find out about all the baggage that I really don't want to deal with... not over an ex, been in jail, not divorced, a closet smoker, or just a jerk. Thus far, my track record is not good.

I know at this age we're all going to have some baggage... that's a given. But I am at the point in my life where I'm going to be pretty choosy about what I want to deal with. And the list is getting shorter and shorter...

Still, there is hope. I got this fortune when I went and got sushi the other night: A new relationship is about to blossom. You will be blessed.

Sounds promising, right? Right? Right...


  1. I think it has a lot to do with where you live, too. In the city, I experienced the same problem you're having right now. Then I get out to the country and EVERY guy wants a serious relationship right off the bat, like I'm the last woman on earth. Not any getting to know you or just having a few dates for fun and seeing where it goes, but nope--a suffocating, needy, must-have moment where I'm supposed to give up my entire life for them in that moment. thanks.

    Me thinks the problem is that no happy medium exists past the age of 30.

  2. Another friend of mine made an excellent observation: Its not you, its the tire kicker phenomenon. Same with cars on Craigslist. Looks interesting, so I think that some people have a hobby of tire kicking, even if they are not really in the market.

    She might be on to something there...

  3. Did you show that "fortune" to your date while sitting at the table with him?
    Maybe you should change teams girl :)...kidding, not that there's anything wrong with that!