Being the over-thinker that I am, I'm wondering a lot of things right now. But the one that I keep coming back to is this:
I wonder if I got my one chance at happiness and couldn't close the deal.
My faith in love, and in being able to find it again, is shaken. To the core, possibly...
Bff and I were having what is now the most ironic conversation the other day. I was telling her how incredibly lucky I was to have finally found what I was looking for in love. She was expressing to me how great it was that I kept putting myself out there and that finding him was the reward. She knew how happy I was, too...
But maybe the truth is that it is too late. Perhaps I should have tried harder to make things with the Ex-hub work (although it's really hard when you're the only one trying). I just don't know.
I know there are some of you out there reading this that are probably astounded at the rate I seem to go through partners. Maybe I deserve some of what I'm getting. I don't know.
I really just feel kinda hopeless at this point. And defeated. Very defeated...
Chasing Waterfalls (and beer)
1 week ago
KEEP PUTTING YOURSELF OUT THERE! I love reading your blog and I am always impressed by your ability to bounce back when things aren't so great! I have been in your shoes and after going through the trash, I found my gem. He respects me and my love for horses. It was easy from the beginning and it is never one sided....Faith and hope are hard things to have, but please don't give up! Yours is out there...and like I tell my friends, keep doing the things you love and everything else will fall into place, but always be true to yourself!
ReplyDeleteI have a full horsey schedule on the docket. That should keep me busy enough...
ReplyDeleteI'm so with you on the defeated thing. Take time off, jump back in, whatever feels right for you. And enjoy the horsies regardless of the men in your life or not. :-)
ReplyDeleteSaddle up and get out and ride. Take one of the mad 'wind in your hair' gallops like you did as a kid. Just enjoy being alive.
ReplyDeleteYou have a lot of great friends and interest..pursue them. Being with someone versus being single are just two different variations on the same theme that is life. Both have advantages and disadvantages.
You don't deserve this...no you aren't dating too many men..you are simply trying to thoughtfully find 'the right one'. The problem is most men aren't 'the one'. Most women I know struggle to find the right one...or the right one who is in love with them. Common problem...you are not alone. Probably some nice guys facing the same struggle too...
You have high standards for a relationship ..stick to them :) In the meantime, enjoy your up coming endurance rides and forget about dating. If it happens, it happens, if don't, life is still good.
Hang in there :)