Blindsided...

"I'm just not falling for you".

Six words. My whole world changed.

24 hours ago I thought I had it all. Turns out it was a fantasy. Rebel let me know that he was happy being with me and that we had fun together and that we had chemistry... but that it wasn't enough. He just wasn't falling for me.

I didn't know what to say. I still don't.

Even now, as I sit here, the question that keeps popping to mind is "why?". Why wasn't it good enough? Why didn't I see it coming? Why now? Why? Why? Why?

If you had asked me yesterday, I would have said that we had a long future together. What did I miss? I just don't get it. I really don't. Sure, he hadn't said he loved me yet, but to me the actions said "I really care a lot" and this early on that was fine by me.

I was really, really happy.

And now I am not.

I am hurt. And raw. And tired. And really doubting myself.

And that is a shitty place to be...