Bff asked me an interesting question the other day... she does this a lot, by the way. It's one of the reasons I keep her around :)
Oh yeah... the question. It was: why are you staying in that area if you and Farmer are done? (and just for the record she thinks that should be a permanent predicament). There are a couple of reasons why.
1. I actually like the area. True, I liked Bend better but I can afford to live here (land is reasonably cheap and I hope to be in the market next year if my house in Idaho ever sells for a profit). The river is close by. The mountains and really great riding are close by. It's a good mix of what Bend and Idaho had to offer without me having to live in Idaho. A win/win. If I moved back to the Portland area (which my mom and bff would love) I would have to sell Elmo and Aspen and board Flash in order to have them anywhere near my vicinity... unless I found something to rent but then that would require a job there and... well, you get the point.
2. There is a riding group here that I'm really looking forward to riding with. I have told Farmer that if he has a light day that I would be more than happy to saddle a horse and throw it in the trailer for him so he can just come on down and ride. Only he can decide if he's got the time, though. I'm done worrying about it. For me riding is a must and I have not been getting enough ride time in to suit my sanity. Ex-hub can tell you all about that... when I would get really cranky he would toss me outside and tell me not to come back until I had ridden.
3. I have a job here. OK, granted... it's not a great job but it is a job. And it gives me time to look for something else since we basically have no customers. Again... a win/win. Although I did sell 2 cars this weekend, so maybe things are looking up.
4. And I probably shouldn't mention this one but I just type what's on my mind... so here goes. I'm hoping that down the road that with some space, some counseling (on my part) and some time that Farmer and I will revisit this relationship. Even he said in a perfect world we were a perfect match and I agree. We (or maybe just I) need to get some shit taken care of. I guess what I'm trying to say is that I'm not giving up on the idea just yet. Right now I'm just enjoying the company. It's relaxed and easy... except when bedtime comes but that's a whole other can of worms.
Those seem like good reasons to me. I didn't necessarily mention #4 to bff but she'll come around. I know it's very hard for her to see me suffering. She wants me to be happy and drama-free. I think that could happen with Farmer and I... but somewhere down the road. Right now I really need to get my ex's and my marriage put to bed, permanently. After talking to ex-hub again yesterday I realize that a lot of that baggage is still right at the surface.
I'm hoping that I'll be able to get that dealt with... soon.
Crewing Vermont Moonlight
2 days ago