Monday, June 22, 2009

It wasn't all bad...

The bff and I were talking this weekend about the Biologist and his ridiculous voice mail. But it got me thinking... was I completely delusional throughout the whole relationship, ignoring red flag after red flag? Or were there good things going on as well?

Conclusion: It wasn't all bad. There were a lot of things happening in that relationship that I liked a lot, and would love to find in "the one". Here's a couple that top my list...

1. Major hobbies in common. This was probably the thing I loved the most about the Biologist. He loved the horse lifestyle and was willing to do whatever to keep it (a must in my book, since my horses aren't going anywhere). Plus he was super inquisitive about the world around him, always posing questions and trying to find the answers. I'm a lot like this as well and it really led to good conversation.

2. OK, not going to deny it... Great sex. From the first day to the last, this area never lacked. And I chock it up to 2 reasons why: a) He was aggressive and complimentary in the bedroom, always telling me how sexy I was and making sure I knew (loud and clear) how he was feeling about what we were doing. b) He was willing to experiment and had no problem voicing his fantasies. In turn, this got me to open up about mine. It made for very explosive scenarios and a lot of relaxed, fun sex. Sure, sex won't hold together an otherwise miserable relationship, but it sure can add a very dynamic side to an otherwise good one.

3. He loved date night. Seems simple... but this little trick of doing a "date night" every week is what kept my parents (still married) together in the really tough times. The Biologist was into it and understood what it meant, the ex-hub fought me on this one all the time. Money usually being the culprit (in his mind). But ex-hub and I weren't hurting for money at the time, so that really wasn't a good excuse. What it really boiled down to is that he didn't want to get off the couch.

4. Doing the little things that matter. OK, the Biologist was not so good at this, but the ex-hub had this one down to a T. For instance, leaving a little note on my computer for me to find in the morning... or decorating the house for my birthday... things like that. The Biologist, in the beginning, was better about this one. It became a distant memory towards the end.

5. Taking care of me. Both of them missed this one all-together. And I'm not talking someone to hold my hand like I'm a 5 year old and can't figure it out... I'm talking about caring enough to be there when I need them (and sometimes when I don't even know I need them). My dad is great at this one.

Well, I guess I got into a wish list there at the end... oh well. Still would be nice to find.


  1. hmmm... that's a good point.

    I myself have superficial (like, how they look) list and a non-superficial (personality and the likes) list. Both have musts (good hygine to me seems superficial but a must, and the same with non-abusive is a personality trait that is a must), and both have would likes (a nice butt and cowboy by trade)

  2. Those, also, are good must-haves :)