Wednesday, December 8, 2010

Love at first sight...

Or maybe it should be called "lust at first hormones"...

I know there are those of you out there that are sure love at first sight is possible. But, if my understanding of love is more advanced than that of a kindergartner, then I would say that love takes time and trust in order to be cultivated. But, I have been wrong before...

And Farmer's friend Baker is trying to prove me wrong. She was also an internet dater. She met a guy online who lived in Whyoming... (oops, I mean Wyoming). She lives in Boise (that's in Idaho, in case you were wondering). And they were a couple even before they met.

To me, this seems like a tragedy waiting to happen. After all, I have myself experienced the repercussions of having all kinds of chemistry by phone and text and then having it fall flat when the face-to-face meeting occurred. But, somehow for them, it seems to be working. And I have a theory on why...

You have heard me talk about the correct dynamic needed for good relationships to work, and that is: men like to chase... women like to be chased. In the successful relationships I see all around me that dynamic is alive and well.

In Baker's situation, he was the one pushing to be a couple before they had met. And women will overlook a lot of things if we think that you (the man) are in hot pursuit. However, if it had been her pushing for the relationship and then he hadn't felt "the spark" upon meeting we would be talking about a whole different outcome...

But it seems to be working out for her, and from what Farmer tells me he sounds like a decent guy. Of course, Farmer thinks they get a thumbs up if they are pro-gun and republican... so maybe he's not the best judge of such things.

Just sayin'...


  1. I never mentioned politics! I have no clue of his political leaning. And I'm not as pro republican as you think! Lol

  2. Laughed long and hard about Whyoming. Hahaha. I don't know how I feel about dating someone you've never met. Seems like trouble...

  3. You're going to have to define "good". If a relationship requires one to chase and the other to be chased, I'm not sure I'd use the term "good". Successful maybe, but only in the sense that they stay together as long as they can maintain this chasing dynamic.

    If I was in a relationship where the female required me to be chasing all the time in order for things to work out well, I'd personally worry about our longevity as a couple.

  4. @ Kirby - Mostly I'm talking about the dynamic, not someone actually chasing constantly... make sense?

    @ Dom - Yeah, I typoed it first and then thought it was hilarious and left it... :)

  5. "From a Sufi perspective, the whole universe is a phenomenon of desire. The Divine desire pervades all things & beings, empowering each according to its capacity. For the mystic, the truest education is the education of desire. By means of this education the indwelling Divine desire is liberated from the constraints of ego and becomes a force for the transfiguration of the world." -Pir Zia Inayat Khan

  6. How does the chasing dynamic work if somebody isn't actually chasing? Sorry if I'm being dense, cuz I don't get it.

    Maybe it's just because I've actually been in relationships with a particular personality type that expects to be chased and spoiled and pampered. I would say conclusively that all relationships with that personality type have ended very poorly. So I want to make sure I understand what you're talking about with this chasing dynamic.

    P.S. +1 like for Wendy's reference to Sufi philosophy.