Tuesday, August 2, 2011

I had no idea there was such a thing as a pee Nazi...

There are two things that I'm glad that I never got in to... drugs and smoking. And after yesterday, I'm even more grateful.

The first order of business on my first day of work was to go to the lab and pee in a cup for a drug test. Sure, no problem. I don't do drugs (unless you count Advil Cold & Sinus) and I never have. This will be a breeze...


I get there and the first thing they do is make me empty out my pockets. Then they lock my purse (and all my pocket contents) into a vault on the wall in the bathroom. Then they hand me a cup that has a temperature gauge on it and tell me to fill past a line (which was way up there)... oh, and that I only have 4 minutes to do it.

I was thinking that the 4 minutes was just kind of a guideline. No. It's not. There is a timer outside the door that you can hear ticking and that emits a chime whenever a minute goes by.

Holy crap, people. I can't pee under this kind of pressure.

Luckily, I'm a master of the "forced pee" due to many years of riding long hours and not wanting to get off my horse while I'm out there.

So, I performed. And filled past the line.

Whew... talk about stress.

And then the pee Nazi asked me if I wanted to watch her fill the two sample cups from the main cup I had just delivered. Uh, no. I'm good. Thanks.

She then sealed them and made me initial them that those samples were, in fact, my pee. And then she sealed those in a bag and made me check the bag to see that it was, in fact, sealed. Sheesh...

I had no idea that peeing in a cup was so... well, technical. It makes me wonder how people (who do drugs) get around these things. I've heard it can happen, but after what I went through I'm not sure how. It was a definite eye-opener.

And after it was over, I was so nervous. Even though I know, for a fact, that I have done no drugs. Brutal...

Luckily for me, the day from that point forward got much easier. I have a very nice office (with a door, even) and from what I've seen so far, I'm really going to love my job.

Yay, me!!


  1. I don't know if I could do that. LOL

  2. I think I'm staying at this job a while because I totally don't want to do that again...