See, it's not just me...

OK... before I get down to what I really wanted to talk about today, I just had to share. Weasel, from WWHM posted this link on his site and I about fell over from laughing. Some things I could be OK with, but this guy is completely over the edge. I always find it amusing that completely average, middle-aged men think that they will somehow be hooking up with HOT, younger women. So, if you can stomach it, it's pretty dang funny. Enjoy...

Now, on to what my original thoughts were for today...

This weekend I did some camping with Farmer and his good friend Hoofer. Hoofer is a divorced, 40-something guy. Not bad looking, has some bad habits (smokes), but for the most part fairly reasonable as men go.

He (Hoofer) had been dating a barrel racer. Nice girl with 2 kids.

As we were headed back up the trail to the campsite on Sat, I asked Hoofer how things were going with BR. He informed me it was over. And being the inquisitive sort (and for good fodder for the blog), I asked him to elaborate on why things had ended in such a short period of time.

First he tells me that she's too clingy. Now I know what I think is too clingy. I was just dying to hear what his version was... Basically, she wanted to be able to plan things in advance and be able to do things with him on a regular basis. He, on the other hand, wanted to be able to go and do whatever he felt like at that moment. For instance... she would want to know his schedule and then plan for something around it. He, on the other hand, would want to come home and just see how he felt about things and then go from there. Neither way is better than the other... but with 2 kids, tough to do. And, like I've said in the past, if you're going to be the beneficiary of the relationship, you need to put in the effort as well.

So, as I'm asking questions on this, Hoofer stops his horse and turns around to me and says "actually she wasn't satisfying me sexually".

OK, now you're speaking my language. After being in a basically sexless marriage for 7 years, this is one argument that I totally get. And I turned around to Farmer and said "see, it's not just me".

Like I've said in the past... sex is NOT the glue that will hold you together. But, it can be the deal-breaker if one side or the other isn't getting what they need. It's not the first priority in a relationship, but it does represent a good portion. I mean sex is the physical expression of how you feel about one another. Without it, intimacy is almost impossible to maintain, at least in my experience.

And let me just say, sex is different things to different people. That's why the lines of communication MUST be open. You need to be able to discuss what works for you and what doesn't. Without being able to voice that, you run the risk of either falling into a rut or someone stepping outside the relationship to find what they so desperately need. In a worse-case scenario, the relationship can fall apart completely.

So, I was glad to hear that I wasn't the only one concerned with this aspect of relationships. Made my day :)

Small gestures, big impact...

I'm not sure what got me on this train of thought this morning... probably because it was a lazy morning in bed and I tend to get reflective during quiet times like that. Or, I'm seriously disturbed. Either way, it's a win...

So, I was thinking about small gestures (good and bad) and how they can have such a huge impact on a person. I've picked out a few examples of good and bad and the type of impact they can have on a person. The point is, the little things matter... good and bad.

OK, first up: Using someone's name rather than a pet name or no name at all. Think about it... when you hear a compliment wouldn't you love to hear your name attached to it? OK, this could just be a me thing. Or maybe just a girl thing. I would much rather hear my name than hear a pet name time and again. It just attaches so much more meaning to it when it's not just a generic sentiment.

Holding hands. Cliché I know, but it is so true. There is something so intimate about holding hands. It's often overlooked and underused, which is sad in my opinion. And sometimes it can be a more intimate affection than sex. One of my favorite memories... riding side by side and holding hands. It was an incredible moment that will forever be etched in my memory. Also, stroking someone's hair is kinda in the same vein. Either as affection or as comfort. Either way, the point gets across loud and clear.

Letting someone do something for you. This one, come to find out, is a hard one for me. It seems that this has been absent from my life for so long that I'm not quite sure how to react when someone extends the helping hand... go figure. But, I know how I feel when someone who needs help lets me provide it. Both of us get the huge benefit. And that's how it should be. Freely given and freely received... the 2nd part is a WIP (work in progress).

Notes. Be it a sticky note, a text or whatever. Taking the time to let someone know you're thinking about them can be a huge boost in an otherwise dreary day.

Kissing. And I'm not talking about the chicken peck that so many guys seem to be a fan of. I'm talking about really kissing someone. Taking their breath away kissing. Passionate, steamy kissing. You know, the kind that makes your knees go weak. Another very underutilized gesture.

OK... now there are the bad things too. Here are a few that absolutely drive me up a wall...

Shutting down when conflict arises. A small gesture that will blow up quicker than any other I know. There is nothing worse when in the middle of conflict than having someone completely shut down and ignore you and the resolution that needs to be reached. It makes you feel completely worthless and helpless... two feelings that really I like to avoid.

Not being dependable. Saying you'll do something and then not doing it sucks. Maybe to you it wasn't a big deal, but to the other person it was. Don't say you'll do it if you're not going to.... end of story. Period.

So, what small things mean the most to you? Think about it, then try to make a habit out of including these things in your life more often.

I'll take "MY LIFE" for $100, Bob...

So, a few of you have emailed me to ask some questions on the side. I'm here now to answer all of your burning questions. If you're still burning after this, you need to see a doctor.

So, here goes...

1. A reader wanted to know why I am so dead-set against a "conservative" in the bedroom. Good question. The answer is simple. I intimidate the hell out of men... plain and simple. You get someone in there who is second-guessing themselves and I will (unintentionally) eat them alive. I don't mean to do this. But I have no problem saying what I want, don't want, like and don't like. For some men this is like ego-eating cancer. And in my experience, once this downward slide has begun, there is no recovery. Men are over-thinkers anyway, and once they start over-thinking sex, it becomes a HUGE drag. Trust me on this one... you'll thank me for it some day.

What you DO want is someone who is secure in their bedroom prowess... they don't necessarily need to know all the moves, per se... but, they need to know who they are and 100% believe in it. End of story.

2. Another reader wanted to know if I am a difficult person to get along with. Hummmm... this one took a bit of thought. For some people I am very easy to get along with. For others, it's like oil and water. My philosophy on the subject is this... I am opinionated, you aren't going to change that. If you try to change that, it's gonna be rough. However, I am very willing to listen to someone else's viewpoint... and they might even just change my mind if the argument they are making is a good one. But if you're looking for a demure girly-girl... I am not that person. I was told, though, by my bff this weekend that I clean up very well. LOL

3. OK... next question was: Where do you draw the line at togetherness vs. clingyness? Very good question, in my opinion. And one that the Biologist and I very much disagreed on. OK... for instance: the Biologist was heading out of the house and said "I'll see you in a few hours". This was around noon. At 10pm (and a couple of phone messages later), I still hadn't heard from him. This, my friends, is NOT OK. If you are in a committed relationship, then you need to be responsible for checking in once in a while. If you're going to be late, fine. But call... now the clingy side would be if someone got pissed just because something else came up. It happens. If they call in and let you know what's going on, then that is good enough, unless they start to abuse the situation or if you think they're using it to step out on you. And you all know how I feel about cheating!!

Well, I think this ends the question and answer portion of this round. If you want to know anything else, email or post it in the comments. If you post in the comments I'll answer there as well. Happy day to you all!!

It wasn't all bad...

The bff and I were talking this weekend about the Biologist and his ridiculous voice mail. But it got me thinking... was I completely delusional throughout the whole relationship, ignoring red flag after red flag? Or were there good things going on as well?

Conclusion: It wasn't all bad. There were a lot of things happening in that relationship that I liked a lot, and would love to find in "the one". Here's a couple that top my list...

1. Major hobbies in common. This was probably the thing I loved the most about the Biologist. He loved the horse lifestyle and was willing to do whatever to keep it (a must in my book, since my horses aren't going anywhere). Plus he was super inquisitive about the world around him, always posing questions and trying to find the answers. I'm a lot like this as well and it really led to good conversation.

2. OK, not going to deny it... Great sex. From the first day to the last, this area never lacked. And I chock it up to 2 reasons why: a) He was aggressive and complimentary in the bedroom, always telling me how sexy I was and making sure I knew (loud and clear) how he was feeling about what we were doing. b) He was willing to experiment and had no problem voicing his fantasies. In turn, this got me to open up about mine. It made for very explosive scenarios and a lot of relaxed, fun sex. Sure, sex won't hold together an otherwise miserable relationship, but it sure can add a very dynamic side to an otherwise good one.

3. He loved date night. Seems simple... but this little trick of doing a "date night" every week is what kept my parents (still married) together in the really tough times. The Biologist was into it and understood what it meant, the ex-hub fought me on this one all the time. Money usually being the culprit (in his mind). But ex-hub and I weren't hurting for money at the time, so that really wasn't a good excuse. What it really boiled down to is that he didn't want to get off the couch.

4. Doing the little things that matter. OK, the Biologist was not so good at this, but the ex-hub had this one down to a T. For instance, leaving a little note on my computer for me to find in the morning... or decorating the house for my birthday... things like that. The Biologist, in the beginning, was better about this one. It became a distant memory towards the end.

5. Taking care of me. Both of them missed this one all-together. And I'm not talking someone to hold my hand like I'm a 5 year old and can't figure it out... I'm talking about caring enough to be there when I need them (and sometimes when I don't even know I need them). My dad is great at this one.

Well, I guess I got into a wish list there at the end... oh well. Still would be nice to find.

Holy shit...

I swear to god, sometimes when it rains, it just pours. And today is one of those days.

First, I heard back about the job I was hoping to get. They said they would let me know today. At 4:24pm, I got an email stating that they had decided to offer the position to another candidate... but would I still want the job if they weren't interested? WTF?? Why the hell are you telling me you gave it to another person if you don't even know yet if they've accepted your offer? Seems like really bad business practice to me. But what do I know? After all, I didn't get the job. Correction: I wasn't their first choice. Maybe I'll still have a shot if Candidate #1 decided to turn them down. In this economy, I'm thinking not. So... back to the pooper snooper. *sigh*

And now for the big WTF today...

I was down in Eugene helping my brother move some stuff back to my parent's house today. As I was driving home, I got a call from an Idaho number. At first, I didn't realize who's number it was... and then it dawns on me. It's the Biologist (I had deleted him from my phone book like a month ago).

I didn't answer. I decided to let it go to voice mail so I could see what this was all about. I was thinking that perhaps he had gotten wind of this blog and was pissed that I called him such an epic failure. We do have mutual friends that read this and might have let slipped what I really think about the whole thing. Wouldn't that just be a hoot?

So I listen to the voice mail and he's saying how things are going for him and asking how I'm doing and give him a call sometime. The whole time he's got this tone in his voice like NOTHING has transpired between us. For the record, keep in mind that I did text him that I missed him in a moment of weakness... to which I got - NO RESPONSE.

Who the hell does he think he is? Like he can just insert himself back in my life in any way that he wants. What am I? Stupid? Do I look like I just fell off the turnip truck yesterday? I wouldn't tolerate that bullshit then, and I'm certainly not going to give it the time of day now.

Swear to god, men have some sort of radar that can pinpoint the EXACT time that you get completely over them... and then, Whaalaa - there they are showing up on your voice mail at the most inappropriate times... acting like nothing happened. How do they do this? Is this another one of those things that is in the man handbook?

If I knew of any unscrupulous people, I would call them this instant and have them go break his knee-caps!! Farmer offered to do it on is way to St. Anthony (in SE Idaho)... I'm seriously giving it some thought. Seriously. My gut instinct says that whoever he was cheating on me with finally got smart and kicked him to the curb as well.

But I've decided to give him back exactly what he gave me... nothing.

Reflections...

This weekend I went and spent some time with my good friend the farmer. We did a lot of riding. And while I ride, I reflect. A lot.

I'm not sure how other people view things, but in my world there isn't just one reality. Every time you make a decision there is a spin-off of what could have been... a pale reflection of the life you are leading today, but with a different outcome if you had chosen a different path. Make sense? So, I play the what-if game quite a bit. And my friends graciously endure my constant questioning... and sometimes pose things to me that I hadn't thought of.

For instance... this weekend I was telling Farmer about the Biologist and his epic fail. There was much hand-wringing and gnashing of teeth. And while I'm talking to him about it, I can't figure out why I'm so pissed about his epic fail. Then it hits me... I'm embarrassed that he made such a poor showing. After all, I was going to be doing this ride too. And if he only made it 3 lousy days, what does that say about me?

Farmer's response? Don't worry about it... if you had been out there you would have been doing most of the work and making sure that shit got done (OK... not in those exact words. I'm paraphrasing). But what I realized is, he's spot on right. I WAS doing most of the work. Even in our relationship.

And this opened a whole new train of thought...

If I was doing most of the work, then there is no reason why I can't make all of those dreams I had with him come to fruition. One of the things that I was so sad about upon the loss of the Biologist was all the dreams of the future we had. I figured there was no way I could do it alone. But what his complete fail (and Farmer's insight) has shown me is that I don't need him to make these things happen if that's what I wanted.

So... thank you Farmer. I owe you one.

******

And now for the second round of reflections... if you can stomach it.

Ex-hub was in town this week visiting with his family. While here there was some tax paperwork that needed to be taken care of. So we decided to meet up for lunch and get things taken care of.

For the most part, lunch was nice and friendly. Then came dessert...

And Ex-hub accused me of cheating on him. Huh? We've been separated for over a year and a half, divorced for almost a year and now you accuse me of cheating? OK... let's come back to reality, shall we?

Let me just state, for the record, that I did not cheat on him. I should have (and wanted to)... but I didn't. Not that he's listening. Apparently he's made up his mind. And in the midst of this argument, he throws out there what a waste it was... our marriage, that is. What a waste that I threw it all away. Because now he's made all these changes and things could have been different. *GAG* However, I know in my soul that if I hadn't of gotten fed up and finally left his happy ass, that we'd be in the exact same place we were. He didn't care enough about me or the marriage to do anything about it when he had the chance... he only changed AFTER I finally left. What the hell!! How many more years of my life was I supposed to give him? He got seven. In my book that's plenty.

And the other thing that just absolutely pisses me off... the fact that as he's telling me all of this, I get the feeling that he's not really missing me, per se, but the nice comfy lifestyle we had together. Never once, when we were splitting up did he pull me aside, plant a firm (knee-shaking) kiss on me and say "you're making a mistake" or anything like that. Never... not once (and emails don't count. If you can't say it to my face, you just suck).

I could be wrong, but I have a feeling that if I was with someone and they were absolutely convinced we belonged together, that I would hear about it. With conviction!! He just withered away and was happy to just sit back and play the victim.

Once again, complete validation that I did the right thing...

Update...

OK, I talked with my friend who went out and picked him up. She gave me the scoop and the poop.

So, after I moved back to Oregon, the Biologist moved in with her and her hubby. J's house was where we were going to stage when originally planning the departure of the ride, so this news wasn't new. But, apparently, once he moved his stuff in he just kinda disappeared for days on end. J would have to call him to see if he was OK. He wasn't riding the horses or doing any kind of planning... and he was spending a lot of time with the "new" girlfriend (kinda figured he was cheating there at the end). So, all of the riding we had done over the winter became moot. He rode twice in the 2 months leading up to his departure. His justification? The horses will get in shape out on the ride. Um.... OK. Whatever. Never mind that the pack horse is carrying his heaviest weight when you leave... but OK, whatever gets you through the day.

All the while, J is pushing him to plan and do this ride. He's been thinking and researching this ride for quite a few years. I only came into it last year... but that's when the majority of the practical planning got done. Only I left at the beginning of April with a lot of bases still not covered. Apparently, he didn't bother.... but that's for later.

So he finally decides he's going to leave on May 22nd and off he goes. He makes it 3 days out there before finally having to call in reinforcements. As you know, he's extremely dehydrated and suffering from sun stroke. The reason? He only took 1 liter of water with him. Yup, you heard me right... only 1 liter. The original plan was for each of us to carry 6 liters for drinking and 2 for cooking to be refilled as the opportunity arose. The other problem? He never called the forest service to see where water was. Again, on the list of things to do... but he didn't. One friend pointed out that if I had gone, I would have been doing all the work. Probably true.

So, he had to ride out of the canyon he was in. He stumbled across a farmer with a cell phone, called J and the rest is history.

It took him around a week to recovery, J reported. However, since that time he's been doing nothing except sitting around and watching TV or disappearing to his "friend's" house. He hasn't touched his horses since returning (J is doing all the feeding and watering). His panniers are still packed. His hygiene is questionable at best (not showering, wearing the same thing over and over, not washing his sheets, etc.).

J suggested that he just get out there and do an overnight... just to "get back in the saddle" so to speak. He said no... his pack horse he was having to drag around and he didn't want to have to deal with that again. Well, poor horse wasn't in shape to carry all that weight, of course he was sore and reluctant. Anyway, he hasn't ridden since.

Hell... my horses are 3 hours away right now and they are getting more attention that his are. Very sad. I guess his plan now is to wait until his dad can get some time off and help him move back to the mid-west. Good thing he's got a job already, or I'd be concerned about his depression level.

And that is that. An epic fail. The sad thing is, I'm pretty sure the outcome would have been different if I had been on the ride. I'd still like to try doing bits and pieces of it. I don't think I'll ever have the luxury of taking 3 months off to do it all in one go, but maybe a week here and a week there. Could be really great.

Oh, and I got an email from the company I'm interviewing with in Bend... should have a decision by Wednesday. Keep your fingers crossed....

I'm so petty... Oh, so petty...

Holy crap.

He went without me.

The Biologist actually attempted the long ride without me. WTF? OK, for those of you who have no idea what I'm talking about, read about it here.

I'm completely torn on how I feel about this. The very bitchy, snarky and, yes, petty part of me was very happy to know that he couldn't do it without me. That he wasn't even going to try it without me. Now, come to find out, he did give it a try and damn near got himself killed... by running out of water. How the hell do you run out of water when you have a water filter? Just find a puddle. Seriously. And if you can't find a puddle, what the hell were the horses doing for water? One of the big things on this ride was going to be making sure the horses came first.

Damn it!! I need more details. I've only heard a little bit second hand from a friend. So I don't know exactly what happened (and probably never will). But the gist is he went out, made it about a week, ran out of water and just happened to come across someone on the trail that happened to have a cell phone. A mutual friend packed up her horse, drove for however long, saddled up and rode around for 4 hours looking for him because the gps wasn't working and he couldn't give her coordinates. Again, WTF? When she found him, he was in the grasps of heat-stroke. Not sure how the horses were.

He got lucky. Could have meant his life. Again, not sure how I feel about that. Part of me is like "I told you, you shouldn't do it alone". Part of me is like "Serves you right for not planning better and just in general not being very smart about things". Part of me is like "Good for you for at least making the attempt" (and that's the smallest part, I must admit).

The worst part, though, is being the last to know. This was going to be my ride too. This was going to be my life, as well... and not even a phone call saying he was leaving or what had happened while he was out.

Damn it... I had no idea how little I meant. I guess this spells it out loud and clear.

Not sure how I feel about that, either.

The waiting game...

As you may know, I have been interviewing for a job in Bend, OR. The first round of interviews went well. The second round of interviews went just as good. I figured I was done and now I was just waiting to hear what's going to happen.

Not so fast...

Got a message first thing this morning that they wanted to talk to my references. Ummm... OK, but couldn't we have asked for those sometime last week? You know, like when I was there? Perhaps I'm being too critical. But wow, do I feel like I'm doing the mexican hat dance in fast-forward... never have so many hoops been jumped through for a job.

I think my friends are sick and tired of hearing about it from me. Now instead of feedback I get uncomfortable silences (sorry guys... I'm going to try to be better about this). So, no more calling of the friends to bitch about this job process... it is what it is. And in this economy they can have it be whatever they want it to be.

So, new plan of attack. While I'm waiting, I'm going to head out of town to spend some time with a good friend riding and just kicking back in general (and I'll try my best not to be an annoying pest).

I'll hear something, or I won't. But either way I'm going to have a good time. You can count on it!!

The random musings of a disturbed (and possibly drunk) mind...

My bff and I were talking tonight (always a dangerous proposition... especially when you add in wine) about past relationships and what worked and what didn't work. The conversation eventually migrated to sex and why certain things work and why certain things don't.

Conclusions:

Men are much more physically motivated than women. Nothing new, I know... but good to reaffirm anyway. Men are happy just getting any... doesn't have to be in a ground-breaking relationship, either. (Or perhaps they are better off when it isn't? I'll have to check with my male buds on that one.) Whereas women, on the other hand, want it to mean something... it's a curse and a blessing. The curse: we're much more picky on who we're going to let in that arena... translation: we're not getting as nearly as much as we'd like to. The blessing: we're much more picky on who we're going to let in that arena... translation: we don't have to put up with the one night stand bullshit and all that comes with it.

Women want to be taken care of. Now before you bash my head in for saying it, think about it for a minute. I am an independent woman, so I hear what you are thinking... but I gotta admit, sometimes it's a really nice thing when the decision is removed from your hands (and this translates to the bedroom as well). Nothing is more sexy than a guy confidently asserting what he thinks is best... now, it can get out of hand - and he needs to be willing to take "no" for an answer if you're really not feeling it... but other than that, it's a good thing. Sometimes we just want someone to shoulder the burden for a few hours... although we can't say this. We don't want to appear weak, but we do want the help and support. A tough line to walk, fellas. But if you can find the balance you are as good as gold.

Confidence in the bedroom makes up for a lot of things. If you don't have confidence here, you might as well throw in the towel. This is the one place where you have to fake it until you make it... as my mom would say. I speak from experience on this one, so you're just going to have to trust me on it. Nothing is worse than a seriously damaged ego in the bedroom (ex-hub suffered from this)... and nothing is more sexy than a confident partner in the bedroom (the Biologist had it in spades). Size really doesn't matter... it's all about what you do with it. I promise.

Don't be afraid to say what's on your mind. This little fact has made and broken many a relationship. You need to be who you are. Tough to do, I know. There are very few people who get to see the real me... I'm always petrified of what people will think. I tend to censor quite a bit. But, if you're trying to build a relationship, this is one of those things that you have to do. You don't want to be with someone who doesn't know and understand who you really are.

OK... I think my musings are done for now... feel free to add in your own additions in the comments.

The simple life...

A good friend and I went horseback riding yesterday and today. If you have followed this blog, then you know I have 3 horses that are currently residing in said friends' pasture (thank you very much... you're a life saver).

As Flash and I were moseying down the canal road, all of a sudden the stress in my life completely disappeared. I could hear the birds singing and the gentle clip-clop of hooves on the dirt. The wind felt great in my face. At that moment, all in the world was peaceful.

What is it about viewing life from the back of a horse that instantly grounds me again? I think it's the matter of a slower pace... no distractions, nothing that needs to be done right away (except decide whether to ride to this horizon or that). And it's different things for different people. For me, it's a lifestyle that I have finally been able to embrace. I think because I did have to wait so long to have my own horses that it means so much more to me. And I think that bodes true for my friend as well... a far distant dream, finally realized (although he's been able to put together far more pieces of that dream than I have).

But it boils down to wanting a more simple life...

Surprise, surprise...

My good friend (who is male) is VERY insulted over one comment I made in the "man-rules" previous post. His bitch? That I said any moron could get laid... he begged to differ. Well, actually he was wondering if he wasn't getting laid because he wasn't a moron. I explained to him that you have to put in the effort.

He lives in a very small community... however that is no excuse. If he wanted to, he could go down to the local bar and chat a chick up and take her home tonight.

But, that isn't what he wants. He wants what we all want... something meaningful, not just a diversion. And thus, he's still single. I did explain to him that he was cutting his chances significantly by living in such a rural area, but he did make a good point. He has chosen this lifestyle... the person who he ends up with needs to choose this lifestyle as well. Otherwise, what's the point? And what a good point it is.

After all, he's put himself in the same position I have. He may never find what he's looking for... but at least the possibility is there. And he's doing it by being what he wants to be. How many of us can say that? I'm not sure that I can at this point.

There is a song by FrouFrou that has a line in it that I find very interesting.... "there is beauty in the breakdown". If you really think about it, the best part of life is when we really let go and start living in the moment.

Easy to say, very hard to do.

The universe is speaking...

Before I was divorced and before I was living in Idaho, I lived in Central Oregon (around the Bend area). I loved it there. It is the perfect place for someone like me... there are tons of places to ride my horses (and outdoor activities abound) and there are great restaurants. Add in the fact that you can find good live music about any night of the week, and my life is made. I was VERY sad when my then-hub was transferred to BFI (butt-f*** Idaho).

So, when I saw a job advertised in Bend, I was on it. I sent my resume right away... and shockingly enough, I heard back from them right away as well. I did a phone interview which went very well. They asked me to come down to Bend for an interview, which was yesterday. After almost 4 hours meeting with multiple people (and many buckets of sweat later) I left feeling like I had made a good impression.

Today I got an email saying that I had made it through the first round and they would be setting up the second round of interviews. It's not in the bag, but I'm feeling pretty good about what I have to offer this company.

This makes me feel pretty good... finally the universe is speaking to me again. So, keep your fingers crossed... I know mine are.

In the meantime, I plan on spending some time with some friends and my horses.

Now hear this...

A new radio station just started up here in the Portland, OR area. The premise is: the boss got drunk and is now missing, so the peons have taken over the station and are playing what they want to hear.... late 70's, 80's and early 90's rock. It's like an extended high school flashback and I'm loving it!!

But, that's not my point. The point is this: in damn near every song, these hard core rockers are wailing about how they want someone to love and to love them back (not in that exact language, but that's the general gist). I am part of the generation that grew up listening to this music... the men I'm dating (or trying to date) grew up listening to this music... why are they all such flakes now? How did they miss the memo? It is not about just getting laid... any moron can do that (trust me). It's about making connections that matter and having someone who is as madly in love with you as you are with them. The rockers know... why don't you?

Boys, let me give you some pointers... because in my very limited experience here in the last few weeks, YOU NEED IT!!

A) It IS a good idea to make the first move. Really.
B) Compliments are a GOOD thing. Use them to your advantage. Nothing makes a girl feel better than when she is aware of how you are feeling about her. This will get you serious brownie points (and possibly much further if you play your cards right).
C) If you are not into someone, just tell them. Makes your life and mine so much easier.
D) Feel free to just be yourself. Nothing is more sexy... trust me on this one!! Plus, you really don't want to put something else out there only to have them find out that is not who you really are. Those games are for dating in your 20's... now is the time to be real (bonus points for those of you still in your 20's that have already figured this out).

I swear there is a "man handbook" out there that has led many astray. Put the handbook down and step away from the table.