I had an interesting thing happen today. My mom and I were coming in from walking the dogs and she made a pretty innocent comment about me helping out with the housework. For some reason, my hackles went up and I went into full emotional overload... without even trying. There were even tears involved (on my part).
I have no idea why her making comments and critiques affects me like this. I don't want her to be concerned over bringing things up to me. I want the lines of communication to flow both ways.
I don't want to be one of those people. You know the kind... the ones that everyone walks on eggshells around because they are one small comment away from going postal. I want to be *gasp* normal.
Yeah, OK. Everyone can stop chortling now. I know I will never be normal... but I still aspire to it. But more than that, I don't want people hemming and hawing over how they will bring things up to me. That sucks. I'm already the odd-duck in my family... I don't need the chasm to be any bigger or deeper, if you get my drift.
I think the problem can be chalked up to 2 things... 1. I really care about what my mother has to say about things. I see how well she's done, and I aspire to do the same... someday. So far, I'm not exactly on the right track, but I could be getting closer. Yes, I'm divorced and living at home (much to her dismay), but I am dating a really good guy who has the potential to be "the one". So that's something. 2. I am forever feeling like I am held to a different standard because I am the oldest child. Somehow, even now, that still feels true. After all, I'm the oldest... so I should have known better. I was forever being held responsible for things that had nothing to do with me. But I'm sure this is true with all oldest children. Just like the youngest is the "baby".
The good thing is we got it talked out... for the most part. I'm still not sure if she'll feel OK about bringing things up. But I'll do my best not to overreact... no promises though. This is going to be a very tough grove to break out of.
*For those of you wondering... the communication breakdown burger can be found at any McMennimin's pub here in Oregon. I highly recommend!!
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