Tuesday, July 14, 2009

Frustration, thy name is Life...

It's always bad when you're fighting with family... especially when that person is the one that gave birth to you. Just by nature of having had you, they get the upper hand right out of the gate (or at least it feels that way).

OK... let me back up and start from the beginning, or at least from last Friday. As you may remember, that's the day that I was headed back to EO and Farmer. Spent the day waiting for my new cell phone (which was on a slow boat from China) and my mom was trying to get the house cleaned up after the assault that was the grandkids. I was kinda helping out (dusting and vacuuming), but she felt that I really hadn't helped out much while I was living there for the past few months. I understand how she feels... I do. I don't see the things that she does... dog hair in the corner of the floor doesn't faze me... hell, there is dog hair EVERYWHERE all the time. Who can keep track of these things?

I have a little white dog that is very hairy. Always. She can't help it. But I just don't really notice. Granted my house keeping skills are minimally better than my sister's... but not by much. When I had my own house I probably dusted and vacuumed once every 2 weeks or so. Worked for me and the ex-hub. This, however, would have sent my mom to the loony bin. So, whatever clean gene she possesses, it obviously wasn't passed on to me or my sis. And a very small part of me is sad about that. I don't want these things to come between us. I appreciate everything she has done. I know I'm extremely blessed to have someone like her for a mother. Hell, even my friends have adopted her as their own...

Anyway... I digress. So, I left on Friday without having performed bathroom duty. I guess I was supposed to scrub toilets or some such thing... I really am not sure. So, when I talked to my mom a few days later, she made mention of the fact that she didn't want me back yet because I hadn't helped out the whole time I was there... a small misstatement. I did help, just not as much as she wanted.

So, then yesterday happened. I got up and had started working on this project that I'm trying to get off the ground. After a few very frustrating phone calls, I had decided to put that project on hold for a bit and started doing laundry instead. While I was in the middle of folding, my mother called. When she asked me what I was doing, I stated "laundry". Her response? "I had hoped you were working like a dog and getting your project going".

OK... I snapped. I told her if she couldn't be nice I was hanging up... and then I did. And now I am in deep shit. You know, if she had just asked how things were going I could have explained how frustrated I was with it that day... but she just jumps on it instead. And I (according to her) overreact. Drives me nuts!!

This, of course, is not helped by the fact that I am a COMPLETE mental case right now. For whatever reason, when I am on birth control I go through a 3 day period where I am completely nuts. Today is one of those days. Things that normally wouldn't bother me are completely unhinging me. I've cried, like, 6 times today already. I don't want to be like this (and I certainly feel bad about subjecting Farmer to such behavior) but I just can't control it. My emotions are completely running on their own right now, with no input from me what-so-ever.

*Gag* Just makes a person want to crawl in a hole and die.


  1. I wish it worked for me... doesn't even phase the "crazies"... and does nothing for the pain :(