Satisfaction vs. Suffocation...

I'm trying to learn from mistakes in the past because I want this relationship to be successful. This is a good thing, right? But what if what in the past was a mistake is just what the next person is looking for? I think this is something that I might have run up against yesterday. But you be the judge...

Farmer and I were chatting on the phone just about random things. I was talking about things I'd like to do next year and one of the things that came up was endurance racing. E racing is great because it's a nice way to spend time with your horse in a solitary fashion while having a goal that you are trying to fulfill. So I explained what I was thinking about and then the conversation went in a different direction.

Later in the conversation we hit upon possible concerns. Farmer hemmed and hawed over it, but finally gave me an example of what might become an issue. He was worried about becoming resentful of endurance racing because it's not something he's terribly interested in and when he gets free time he wanted to be doing other things with me and the horses.

And here is where trying to accommodate the past nearly bit me in the butt. In the past I have been accused of suffocating people because I like to spend so much time with them. So, I try to have my own things going. And it's not like I don't enjoy doing these things, I do. But I am the type of person who loves to spend time with the person I'm with. And this becomes a problem. My SO at the time will assume that I am completely dependent on them for happiness and entertainment... and that's not the case. I am perfectly capable of doing my own thing. I have no problem being alone. I'm not with someone because I have to be. I want to be with them. And I'm not sure how this has been lost in translation in the past, but it has.

So I now am trying very carefully not to suffocate Farmer and to come across like I've got my own things going (which I could have... and would be fine with). Come to find out, he's worried that we won't have enough time together. This is a complete 180 from what I've been dealing with in the past. And it is bizarre to be with someone who thinks like I do on this subject... Actually this is a first for me. I'm still a bit gun-shy that I will impose too much on his time. But he really seems to be genuine when he says that I won't be suffocating him... that this is something that's he looking forward to.

Sometimes I can't believe how lucky I am. My ideal is being able to do the majority of activities with the one I love. I would much rather spend time with them than do things alone. And I'm not talking about cutting everyone else out of my life... that's not what I'm getting at. I'm talking about doing the things you love with the people you love. That, to me, is satisfaction in a relationship.

And it looks like I've found someone who feels the same way I do on the subject... finally.