Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Which comes first... the sex or the relationship?

This is like the chicken and the egg question, right?

You really need both to have a healthy and successful relationship (in my opinion) but yet there can be widely differing views on what needs to happen to get there.

Such a conversation came up this weekend with Shadow.

His view in a nutshell: He needs to have the physical side of things clicking to even begin to foster an emotional tie to someone.

My view in a nutshell: I need to have the emotional side of things clicking to even begin to entertain a physical tie to someone.

You see the problem? I think this is one of those Mars/Venus type things.

I think a lot of men feel like Shadow do (although they won't admit it... and definitely not to someone they are with, if they are). And I think a lot of women feel like I do. I want to make sure there is something real there before I jump into the physical side of things... otherwise you just end up feeling used. And no one wants to feel like that.

Either that, or it only becomes about the physical. And while that is icing on the cake and makes a good thing fantastic... it is not glue. Sex alone can't hold two people together who aren't connecting on any other level.

So, what is the answer? Where is that happy medium where everyone is getting what they need?

I wish I knew the answer to that...


  1. this shadow guy sounds like a douche, and he is prolly single. of course there should be some physical attraction, but a decent guy, a guy who you would want to be in a relationship with, would wait. if a guy drops you because you won't sleep with him on the third date? disgusting. aaaaand probably not worth a roll in the sack anyways. -booty