Huh, not quite sure what to do with those...

In all the hubbub that was going on this weekend I forgot to mention the surprise waiting on my doorstep when I arrived home on Friday night...

These are for me? Seriously?

Turns out they were from ex-hub. Yeah, I know. I had the same reaction. They were from who? No kidding?

The card basically said that he was sorry that we didn't make any money on the house and that even though he had the communication skills of a baboon he was trying.

Trying to do what, is the question... 

When I mentioned the arrival of said flowers to Flip-Flop and Bff they both had the same reaction... so would you ever take him back? Huh... good question. Wulfe's reaction was that he was trying to get me back, hands down. 

There were a lot of really bad things about my marriage, but we also had the friend portion down pretty well. But that didn't carry it then, and it wouldn't carry it now. Friendship (and that kind of companionship) is important, but so is intimacy. And I just don't think ex-hub has it in him. Period. He's just not the touchy-feely type of person. 

And I really am. I love to snuggle and cuddle and hold hands and kiss on and be intimate with my mate.

And I really want the best of both worlds... that's not asking too much, is it?

I mean, that is why I got a divorce, after all. I wanted to give myself the chance to find all that I was looking for. And although it does get lonely occasionally I am way happier now than I was in my marriage. There is nothing worse for a woman's self-esteem than not being wanted by her own spouse. 

I'm finally over that, and I really have no desire to go back to that place again... ever. 

Sometimes, life just sucks...

It was a rough weekend, for the most part. There were good parts but everything was overshadowed by what happened Friday night/early Saturday morning...

My parents had to put their beloved dog Simba down. He was an awesome dog that will be missed terribly. The family is heartbroken...

Simba a few months ago... (not the best pic, but all I have on hand) 

He was an awesome Rottweiler/St. Bernard. Drooled a lot, but we loved him anyway :)

 

Also, I didn't get the house I was hoping for. That kinda sucks too.

But on the brighter side of things... I did get out for a ride yesterday with Cricket. It was a good ride and Flash was feeling good through most of it.

Also, there is the possibility that at some point (if Mower ever gets it cleaned up) that I can rent out the bottom of the house where I board Flash. The house was a duplex at one point, so that might be a possibility.

I'm heading up to the Burrito for Labor Day weekend and Shadow and I are going to do some shooting. Really looking forward to that as well...

Maybe I should stuff him like a turkey...

TGIF!!

Another week has gone by and another Friday has arrived. Yay!! But this also means I should be seeing improvement in Flash, which I really am not. He has a bit of a belly now, but other than that I don't see any improvement over his topline (i.e. his spine and hip bones are still too visable).

Per vets orders, I have switched him from the sweet feed to alfalfa pellets, which at first he was not too fond of. However, I have hit upon the magic combination again. He likes it with lots of rice bran (which is fine by me) and super soupy. So soupy that as he eats it he ends up making slurping sounds... kinda like a pig. But whatever. At least he's eating...

Week 1

Week 6

Week 1

Week 6

I guess there is nothing to do except keeping pouring the feed to him. I'm considering taking the feedings from twice a day (very convenient) to 3 times a day (very inconvenient). I have no idea if that would actually make a difference, but at this point I'm kinda out of other options. In a few more weeks I'll have the vet out again and do one more blood and fecal panel to make sure that everything is still in the normal range. 

But I must admit I am very frustrated by the lack of improvement. Plus, even though the vet has told me to put him back in light work I feel bad riding him when he's a body condition score of maybe 3. He should be a 5 to 5.5. 

ARG!! Stoopid horse...

Is it supposed to look like that?

It is well known within my circle of friends and family that I do not do well with biting type bugs. Mosquito bites become huge welts. Spider bites are the same, only bigger and more painful. And stinging things make my joints hurt.

So, for that reason I am happy to live in the Marine layer down here by the shoreline. Because when you get a few miles away from the coast and a few hundred feet up, this happens:

Something stings me in the big toe on my right foot and my whole foot swells. Kind of tough to tell because my toes are pudgy anyway, but you get the general idea... 

So, you can imagine my hesitation when I was invited to a bonfire in the same local as the vicious attack on my big toe. But I decided to go anyway... once I was covered head-to-toe in bug spray. Just in case.

My, my. What a big fire you have...

Mower playing the guitar...

It was pretty fun. But I stayed up way too late. Oh hell, who am I kidding? Anything past 9pm these days is way too late. 

I vaguely remember the days when I thought calling it a night at 2am was wimping out. *sigh* Those were the days...

The facsinating uses for a kiddy pool...

I could totally tell that yesterday was a full moon... or damn close to it. It was just a weird day all the way around.

I went up to talk to the owner of that house I'm trying to rent. A few months ago when the owner had talked to Mower about the house he had mentioned he wanted $700 for rent. Then when Mower talked to him about it last month it was $800... and I was trying to work him back down to $700. Then tonight when I talked to the guy he was saying he wanted $1000. Um, yeah. That's not happening. I told him $700 was what I could do. Period. He told me he'd let me know in a few days.

So, it's not a no. But it wasn't a yes either... The wait continues.

Then, it was a gorgeous day (probably the best day of the year, so far) so Cricket and I decided to go for a ride. When I went to get Flash out of the pasture I noticed that he had completely buggered up the inside of his back leg.

So, instead of being able to ride I had to hose down his swollen leg instead. Only, the power had gone out and there wasn't water pressure to hose it down with. So there was this kiddy pool that was full of cold water and I decided to use it instead.

You want me to put my leg where? You're crazy, lady...

Eventually I convinced him to put his foot in the pool and then I used an old milk jug to pour water over the swelling for about an hour. Good times...

I still have no idea how the hell he did that to his leg. Suffice it to say that the ride did not happen... grrrrrrr. I swear, he is getting worse than Elmo in the ridiculous injury department. 

Hopefully by tomorrow the swelling will be down and I can actually get out for a ride. But by then the weather is supposed to be crappy again. Figures...

Hello, my name is...

If you are single (and I hope for your sake you are not) then you are probably familiar with internet dating. It seems to be the only real way to make a connection that doesn't involve a seedy bar and way too much cleavage.

However, even there you have to be careful. I was chatting with Shadow on Sunday about the pitfalls of internet dating. He and Farmer have been giving me the low-down from the male perspective... while I have been lamenting about the utter asshattery that I am forced to deal with.

I have been running into 4 specific problems:

1. Men who are looking for the supermodel. Funny thing is, most of these guys are not supermodel material themselves... in fact, the ones that are most critical of looks are the ones that I feel should be taking anything out that agrees to dinner... or even just to meet.

2. Men who are just looking for the hook-up. *sigh* This bugs me. Really bugs me. In my opinion, if you are just looking for sex then please just go to the bar and pick up whatever is there and leave the rest of us be. My standards are very high and you are not going to make the cut.

3. Men who say they don't smoke but either do or use other tobacco products. If you use anything tobacco related I am not interested. Period. And that chew in your upper lip almost made me lose my din-din.

4. Men who are sure (even though you've never met in person) that you are the one. And to be honest, this one doesn't just bother me, it scares the crap out of me. I call them Stage 3 clingers. I had one just the other day. He masqueraded as a normal person for about a week. Then he called and asked if I wanted to have dinner one night the following week. I said sure. He was driving in from a town about an hour away and so we decided to do an early dinner time so there would be time for him to drive back home. Later in the conversation he mentions that if we hit it off then he'll be staying at my place. Excuse me? I mean, he didn't even ask, he just assumed. I told him that wasn't happening. Period. And after another weird conversation I decided to just call it off... I was not getting a very good vibe.

Farmer's issues have been different. He either gets no response or a couple of words with no follow-up questions to continue the conversation. I have tried to help him rewrite his profile... but he only let me add a couple of lines.

If it were up to me I would have totally been playing up the fact that he's basically the farming version of McGuyver. Something like: I can fix a baler with only a toothpick and twine. 

Oh, and he definitely needs a better pic, but I've been blocked on that effort as well. However, if he insists in using this as his main profile picture...

Then it should at least have this caption:

Sure, you may laugh at the size of my hat but after riding in the hot sun all day my horse and I were nice and cool while the rest of those suckers were dying in the heat.

Just sayin'...

But at least Farmer and Shadow are in the game. Wulfe hasn't even gone there yet. And he should... he's got a lot to offer. I've been trying to get him to give it a go, but no luck thus far. But maybe I'll be able to convince him? Who knows...

On another completely unrelated note I just got a call from the owner of the house I want to rent. I'm meeting with him tonight to discuss it so I'm hoping that it will be a go and that I can give my notice to CPSL soon. Wish me luck!!

Does this horse make my butt look big?

Wait. Don't answer that.

As you can see, I finally got out for a ride on my "sick" horse on Saturday. Cricket and I decided to take Flash and Bella down to the beach for a ride. While on that ride, we encountered several interesting things. Like this TV...

Where do you suppose they were planning on plugging it in?

And really, this is one I  just don't get. It's not like this TV was located right next to a road or any type of convenient beach access point. It was literally out in the middle of the sand. With nothing else around it. And it looked heavy. So, why oh why did they carry it all the way out there?

My dogs weren't super interested in it. But several other dogs walked by while I was taking pictures and lifted their leg to it. 

My dogs were much more interested in this:

I see dead things...

Both dogs threatened to roll in the dead thing at which point I screeched at them tostopitrightnow and threatened them that if they did roll in the dead thing that I would tie them to it and leave them there. 

Wisely, they both decided to leave it alone. Whew!!

All in all, Flash was a good boy. He seemed pretty perky and happy to be out, so I will continue to keep him in light work a few times a week... per vets orders. He seems OK about the switch to alfalfa pellets and the pro-biotics should be here soon. Hopefully in the next few weeks I'll start to see some improvement.

As for the house, it's still a maybe. But that's better than a no, so I'll take it...

Well, that didn't work... Now what?

So it's been a month since the vet saw Flash. And still no real improvement and no real weight gain.

Week 1

Week 5

Week 1

Week 5

So, I've been discussing him on a few forums and with the vet and we've decided to try something a little different than what I  was previously doing. Just in case he is insulin resistant (which might not show in the blood work) we are switching him from the wet cob to alfalfa pellets. I just finished up my bag of wet cob, so the new feeding regime begins tonight... I'm hoping this will start to make a difference now. So the formula will now be alfalfa pellets, rice bran, oil, weight builder and water to make it the consistency of oatmeal. He was downing the last formula I had so I'm hoping he likes this just as well. 

He's such a picky eater sometimes, so wish us luck... 

Also, guess what showed up last night...

Yes, it is the sun. Your eyes are not fooling you...

And it's still here today. Finally all that praying to the sun god has payed off. YAY!!

Lost in translation...

This is the age of texting and chatting.

I'm not sorry about this feature, really. It has allowed me to reconnect (and keep in contact) with all of those who don't live in my immediate vicinity... which is pretty much everyone.

However, sometimes text or chat cannot convey what it is you are trying to say. Jokes fall flat, irony is missed, sarcasm is taken for seriousness. It can be confusing to navigate sometimes. And in my not-so-sane state (read that PMS'ing) I can take a very innocuous statement and turn it into the beginnings of WWIII.

I know. Hard to believe that I would do such a thing. But it happens.

Maybe there need to be emoticons for those type of statements?

Well, for jokes I guess there already is one... the smiley face :)
For sarcasm I guess the stick out your tongue is appropriate :P
Not sure what irony would be? Maybe :/
Flirty ;)
Sad :(
Pissed >:(

Too bad there isn't one for eye-rolling. I would find that very helpful... ah well, maybe that one will be soon to come. Or it's in the works and I just don't know about it yet? I rely on my younger sibs to keep me in the loop, but sometimes they fail miserably and I feel like a 40-something. Oh wait, I almost am a 40-something... *sigh*

OK. Moving on. Birthday is looming and I need to go back to my happy place...

My very happy place...

Where was I? Oh, yes. Sometimes what you are trying to say over chat or text just gets very confused and misconstrued. I guess I need to be a little more careful in how I word things and try not to be too sensitive when reading them. Perhaps not a bad guideline for everyday life, too...

Yeah, I'm not falling for that one again...

Around the beginning of July a strange thing happened here at the coast. It got really hot in the valley and all of a sudden a wall of fog sprouted up along the coastline that extended only about a 1/4 mile inland. I looked around in amazement and asked all the locals when this wall of gray yuckiness would go away. They told me it usually lifts in August and that August and September are fabulous months here.

That was a lie. A horrible, insidious lie. It is now August 18th and the wall of doom is still here... and showing no signs of going anywhere anytime soon.

My wonderful walks on the beach used to look like this:

Notice Noelle's supersonic ears

Now they look like this:

Noelle is still supersonic... kinda

Not only that, but I used to be able to enjoy these:

But I haven't seen a proper sunset in, well, it seems like forever. This is just not right!!

Now when I ask the locals when this horrible wall of gloom will go away, they tell me that by September it will be gorgeous here again. Well, I'm not buying into that lie a second time.

Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me...

Do as I say, not as I do...

I have noticed over the years how my animals start to take on traits that I have.

For instance, Flash and I used to be (and hope to be again) really into endurance racing. For those of you who don't know what that is, it's basically a 50 to 100 mile race that you do in a day. Lots of work. Lots of training...

After a few races, Flash decided that he loved race day but was totally not excited about the training that went with race day. He is, essentially, a lazy trainer. If any of you knew me in high school, that was my approach to all my sports. Give me less practices and more games, kthnx.

Now I've noticed that Noelle pretty much takes my approach to speed events as well. Unless there is a ball at the end of the run (Chuck-it® for her, soccer for me) we are not interested in displaying our full speed.

Less talk and more throw... kthnx.

If we're just walking out on the beach (no ball involved) Daisy can consistently run down Noelle at any time. You put a ball in play and Noelle lays her ears back and goes into supersonic mode... Daisy doesn't even bother trying to keep up. Not happening.

Why are you not moving ball?

Not only that, but she can keep going for hours... especially in this crappy, foggy, gray and crappy (did I mention that one already?) weather. She never gets hot. Sucks for me... and my arm. Daisy (way in the back) has given up at this point and is just waiting for the mind-numbing game to be over. Can't really blame her... 

Just after we got done here at the beach I went up to feed Flash and, once again, it was sunny up there.

Notice the giant wall of fog. I live in that... Ugh!

I'm hoping to find out this week if I get to rent that house next to Flash. I'm trying to send good thoughts out to the universe and hopefully they will say yes. Send good thoughts out for me too. I need all the help I can get...

We partied like it was 1990...

Well, the reunion has come and gone and I survived!!

Actually, truth be told, I had a good time. Friday night was an adult's only meet-and-greet type of deal at a pretty cool bar in downtown Portland. About 150 people showed up. Pictures were taken. In most of them I look like a complete idiot. Here are a few that made the cut...

Me and Bike

I'm sure you see me (tough to miss the fat arms)... but that is Wulfe on the left side there

It was an interesting experience seeing everyone 20 years later, for sure. The cool thing was is that our name tags had our Senior picture on it so you could compare then and now. People fell into 2 categories... they either looked exactly the same, or I had no idea who they were.

On Saturday there was a picnic where everyone could bring their families out. A lot of my fellow classmates were looking pretty hung over that morning... 

All in all, it was a ton of fun. Looks like they are trying to do something similar in December. I hope so. It was a lot of fun to see everyone and catch up again...

Why didn't I think of that before?

So, on our last episode of "How the Hay Turns" I went to pick up hay, unloaded it in the rain, fell out of the back of the trailer and bruised my back and head. It was not good. Oh, and it took me, like, a kazillion hours to unload and stack. *insert unhappy face here*

So when I called my hay guy this time I happened to mention how much I was not looking forward to repeating that process. He then proceeds to mention to me that they deliver and stack for the "staggering" price of $35 per ton. What? I can't even drive there and back in my truck for $35 (more like $50). Why on earth did he not mention this little tidbit before?

Needless to say, I took him up on it. Yeah, I may be a little slow at times, but that decision took all of a nanosecond...

So, they came out, backed up the truck, unloaded the hay, stacked the hay and were done in around 15 minutes...

Yeah, hay delivery rocks. Plus the horses were stoked because a bale broke open so the whole thing just got tossed over the fence... they were knee-deep chowing down.

Needless to say, I will be using this service liberally in the future.

Now it's that time for a Flash update. I still don't see any significant weight gain after a month (grrrr)... but he's got plenty of energy and I will start putting him back in light work soon.

Week 1

Week 4

Week 1

Week 4

Nothing to do except what I'm doing. Hopefully we'll start to see some significant improvement as we move into the next four weeks.

I wish I was there...

Random sunny beach (not where I live, of course)...

Instead I am here...

My very messy desk... (don't judge)

The sun is trying to peak out from behind the fog... but it's not getting very far. Thank goodness I'm fleeing to warmer (and drier) places for the weekend.

And since it's supposed to be quite hot at the parental's this weekend, I'm happy that they have a pool... 

And yes, I'll be wearing sunscreen this time. I promise...

Is that horror-flick music I hear in the background?

It's coming!!

And there's nothing I can do to stop it!!

It's, it's, it's... my 20 year High School reunion!! *runs away screaming*

Then

Now

(The now pic is not that great. It's a dark, dreary day here... but you get the general idea)

I am not sad that I no longer resemble a poodle. And I think for the most part time has been kind... And if it hasn't, keep it to yourself. I prefer to remain in my bubble of denial...

I'm looking forward to catching up with everyone Friday night and getting some good stories and some good pictures. Should be interesting. I'll report back all the juicy stuff, don't you worry.

Oh, and I have a "date" Saturday night. I'm looking forward to it. Funny person plus good food always equals good times. And that's all the details I'm giving up on that one, so don't even ask...

Ray of light...

Just when you think all is gray and dark around you and you'll never see the sun again, the universe answers your call for help and shows you a ray of light...

Soul soothed. Mental health restored...

Yup. I got to ride this weekend.

Farmer allowed me to invade his space for a few days. Not only that, he actually had some time to spend with me. It was great to catch up with him (in person) and laugh a lot. Plus I was helping him scope out the dating wares on the internet and he, in turn, showed me how to use my new (to me) blackberry. It was a win/win.

Elmo, on the other hand, was not quite as excited to see me once he figured out that his life of leisure as a pasture ornament was over for a few days. But, once he got going he just kept on going. We had a great ride and I totally wore him and the pups out.

I also burnt the crap out of my shoulders. Yes, yes. I should have had sunscreen on... but I didn't. Now I'm paying for it. The nice thing is that I'm not cold... I am my own little furnace. For a few days, anyway.

Over all, it was a fantastic weekend filled with one of my favorite people, one of my favorite past-times, sushi with the Bff and sun. What more could a girl ask for?

My night of terror... (and an update on Flash)

OK... Last night I got very little sleep, but it's not what you think.

No, I wasn't up obsessing over every little thing that I can't change... OK, well I wasn't obsessing much. Very little, in fact. I was chatting with Engineer quite late (it was his birthday... he's 30. Welcome to the club, my friend). So, I didn't get to bed until around midnight.

Then at 2am I got a random text message from a number I don't know asking me what TV shows I like to watch. I pretty much ignored that and went back to sleep.

Then the real fun began at 4am. I woke up to Noelle growling at my bedroom window. That window is frosted so you can only see shapes and I'm looking at what seems to be a human head looking in my back window. I totally freak!! I also have my gun out of the case in record time. I figure if I'm going down, I'm going down shooting...

So this head proceeds to move around my window... so I decide to send Noelle out to check it out because if there is a human out there she will bark at it. If it's an animal she will only whine and growl. So I send her out and slowly follow behind. She immediately runs to the back fence and starts growling... so I head back that way (gun still in hand, just in case) and I see a head-sized raccoon on the top of the fence. Damn raccoon!!

Just for scaring the living shit out of me I want to shoot the thing, but I uncock the gun and head back in to bed instead. After all, I don't want to end up in my own newspaper on the police log. But after all that adrenaline it was really hard to get back to sleep.

Today, I'm a wee bit tired... oh well.


Now on to Flash... updated pics below. To me he still doesn't look like he's putting on weight... but then again, he doesn't look like he's losing either.

Week 1

Week 3

Week 1

Week 3

I guess I'll just keep pouring the feed to him and hope he starts to look a little more fluffy soon...

The unwritten rule of smiley faces...

Yup, that right. There is an unwritten rule for the proper use and application of smiley faces when using chat or text.

I know... I had no idea either.

Apparently, if you are (as Mount puts it) a 40+ person of the male-type species, not only is it inappropriate to use smiley faces in a chat conversation but there might actually be jail time attached to such an offense... but I'm not quite certain about that (check with your local law enforcement agency).

I had no idea. But then again, I am neither 40+ nor male... so I guess I didn't get the memo.

Yes, yes... I am on the downhill slide to 40, but I'm not there quite yet. Yet.

The same goes for LOL. One of my favorite terms to use while chatting. And I don't just throw it out there at random. I am laughing out loud and want to share my joy and mirth with the person I am chatting with... is this wrong?

And what other unwritten chat rules do I not know about? I could be breaking the law every night and not know it... oh the horror!!

Put the blog down and step away from the computer...

I'm wondering if my blog should have a breathalyzer-type thingy attached to the publish button? But instead of gauging the alcohol content it would gauge the mood... any mood darker than a navy blue would have an instant kill switch. Might save me some trouble and a possible intervention...

Yesterday was a down day... and maybe the bottom (I hope) of whatever it is that this is.

I scared the hell out of my poor mother... er, flip flop. She called me last night wondering if I needed to be committed to a mental institution STAT. I tried to reassure her that I didn't think I was in imminent need of electo-shock therapy, but I'm not sure she believed me. Although I did finally convince her that even though I had access to a loaded weapon and the ocean, I wasn't going to use either one to do anything stupid. That is just not my style. I would rather hang around, ad nauseum, and continue to make all of your lives miserable as well. I know... I'm just nice that way.

But, really... I'm doing OK. I think. I chatted with Mount for a while tonight and he had me laughing so hard I had milk coming out my nose. This is progress, yes?

However, I am fleeing the coast for the weekend. I need some sun, dammit. And since it doesn't look like the fog is going anywhere anytime soon, I guess it will be me that has to go instead.

The only question now is: where to go?

I'm scared...

The best way to describe what's going on is this... It's like you're swimming along and everything seems to be fine. Then all of a sudden a huge wave comes and you don't even know where the surface is... you fight your way back to the top and it seems you've got it under control when all of a sudden another wave swamps you. Only this time it's much harder to make your way back to the surface. And when you do the waves start coming faster and faster...

The last time I felt like this, I dropped all of my classes except one, quit my job and slept for around 20 hours a day... for almost 4 months.

I am terrified of dropping into that type of a depression again. But I have no idea how to combat it either. I will be fine, happy even, and then all of a sudden I am overwhelmed and crying. And I have no idea how to articulate to anyone what it feels like... and when I try they just don't understand. Basically I keep hearing "get over it"... 

I wish I knew how to "get over it"...