Flash is now living the life of a leisure pasture-puff in one of Farmer's extensive pastures. Tentative word on the street is that he's starting to put on some weight. Yay!!
Anywho, now that Elmo is here with me I thought that I would give you a little introduction. After all, other than me trying to kill him (and vice-versa) last summer, I really haven't said much about my obese butterball... er, horse.
So, without further ado: Elmo...
Aren't I the cutest thing on this planet?
Sydney, what are you doing here? This is not a blog about you...
It's not? Well, it should be...
Pardon Sydney. Ally's cat just can't help but get in the middle of things sometimes. OK, let's try this again...
So, without further ado: Elmo...
Wait. She called me a butterball? I'm just big-boned...
Elmo is my big, goofy, red horse (hence the name). He actually arrived at my house with the name Jazz, but within minutes I realized that name was just not going to do. It didn't fit him... at all. So for the first few days I had him he went by "hey, stoopid". That probably would have been fine, except when I called him a bunch of neighborhood kids would show up as well, confused that I wasn't calling them.
The problem of his name sorted itself out when, a few days later, my crusty old shoer came to pay us a visit. When I led out my new steed the shoer snorted and said "Wow. He's such an Elmo..." and it stuck. Yes, he was such an Elmo. Sometimes good. Sometimes bad. But always and forever an Elmo.
Elmo came to me because the people who owned him before me would immediately put him away anytime he made a fuss about anything. Being a very lazy horse, he soon realized that if he acted bad he didn't have to work. Good for him. Bad for the previous owners. And made for some interesting rides early on in our relationship.
For the first few months, every time I took him out for a ride he would rear, buck and just generally make an ass out of himself. The bucking and general assiness went away pretty quickly once he figured out that if he did those things I was going to make him work. Hard. However, the rearing remained. When he got scared he would lock up and go straight up in the air. I was mystified as how to fix this. Enter old crusty shoer again, who suggested that the next time his feet came off the ground to break an egg over his head.
He reared. I broke an egg on his noggin. His feet hit the ground and he just stood there with egg on his face wondering what the hell just happened. Never had a rearing problem again...
He actually became a decent riding horse.
However, he is not the most athletic equine I've ever ridden or owned.
Riding Flash is like driving a sports car. 0 to 60 fast. Excellent braking capabilities. Able to turn on a dime...
Well, look at me. I'm built for speed...
Riding Elmo is like driving a semi-truck. Slow to get started, with many gears to go through before reaching top speed 35. Hard to stop once going. And needs planning and a wide berth when making any type of turn...
Who me? I know not of what you speak...
Once when the horses were tearing around the pasture, Flash executed the perfect sliding stop and whipped around at top speed again heading in the opposite direction. Elmo, seeing the maneuver, also tried to make the turn... and although his head whipped around, the rest of him kept right on going the other direction. Right through the fence.
Let's just say, I was forever fixing fence that "frank the tank" was crashing through due to the fact that he had misjudged a turn, once again.
Let's just say, I was forever fixing fence that "frank the tank" was crashing through due to the fact that he had misjudged a turn, once again.
That, and he can't stay upright either. He falls on his face constantly. The fact that he's now missing part of his chest due to a horrible infection that almost killed him doesn't help.
Flash is very fastidious in where he puts any of his hoofies at any given time. Mud? No way. Sand changed color? Must investigate. Dark spot of the pavement? Must be avoided at all costs. Narrow trail? Hugs the uphill side with a vengeance.
Elmo, on the other hand, isn't even aware that he has feet... let alone where they might be at any given time. He's like a 4x4. Point him at something and he goes over (or through) it. Handy, except when on narrow trails... then a tad frightening when coupled with the penchant for falling on his face.
He also thinks the world is his buffet... Like Noelle, he is of the firm belief that everything is edible.
Nom, nom, nom...
Hey, I'm busy eating here... Do you mind?
For the most part he is a good boy. Quirky, but good. For the most part...
Look I'm a saint...
Just don't fall on me, tubby. Kthx...
And I'm sure we'll have a good time together this winter while Flash recovers at Farmer's...
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